


Ready to Suffer, Ready to Hope

by Anika_Ann



Series: Damned [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Daredevil (TV)
Genre: #Verdevil, Angst, Arrowcave, Awesome Foggy Nelson, Big Brothers, Break Up, F/M, Felicity Ships It, Friendship, Healthy Coping Mechanisms, Hurt/Comfort, Matt Has Abandonment Issues of the Size of Manhattan, Meet-Cute, Now with a Christmas Bonus Nobody Asked for, POV Alternating, Post-Season/Series 02 Arrow, Pretty Much Everyone Does, Sara Lance Ships It, Sara Lance is a badass, Slight Canon Divergence, Team Bonding, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, a bit of Olicity, and the Bonus Has a Bonus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-05 06:22:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 53,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15164567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anika_Ann/pseuds/Anika_Ann
Summary: How to deal with your fiancé almost getting voluntarily buried alive under a building together with his basically dead ex; a manual by V.M.:1) freak out2) take off the ring3) run4) find another vigilante at whose couch you can crush on5) think about what happened as little as possible, or, well, try..10) think about your next move… eventuallyCrying and punching things is allowed in and between each step of the plan.• A crossover with Arrow. Slightly heavier than the summary.• Set right after All Roads Lead to Hell (aka the Defenders rewrite).





	1. The great escape

**Author's Note:**

> Heya guys! ‘Damned 3b’ is here! Sometimes I _am_ a realist and I know the first chapter isn’t very captivating… so, I just want to let you know it will get better. I think :D
> 
> More of an introduction, short too. I felt like it needed to be made and I didn’t quite wanted it to be in the same chapter as— you’ll see what ;)
> 
> BTW, the tags are going haywire for some reason I don't understand, so just roll with it and imagine they were tagged in different order that would make more sense :D

She was indescribably grateful to Oliver for taking her in. She had no idea where else to go; she had _nowhere_ _else_ to go. If she wanted to run away, run somewhere Matt wouldn’t find her, her only options were Czechia and Starling City. Czechia was way farer, in safer distance, but also way more definite. Any other potential shelter was in Hell’s Kitchen, where Matt would find her with no trouble; of course, that was, if he would come after her. She had no idea if he would. After all, she _had_ left the ring behind, because she couldn’t imagine getting over this, didn’t know how to get over him basically killing himself, over him dying for his ex, who was some sort of a zombie— Vera didn’t know anything anymore. Hence the running away. Somewhere far, but with a potential way back, because she still had a job and stuff.

Felicity was very willing. Oliver was absolutely taken aback and less willing, probably because he knew what had happened and didn’t approve, but he took her on board anyway. Before she knew it, she was falling asleep, curled up in a ball, her mind blank and frantic at the same time.

She closed her eyes, imagining she was in some sophisticated gadget that was sending her back in time. She just needed to figure out which moment she wanted to return to. Before the tremors to prevent what had happened? Before deciding to say yes, now when she knew her relationship wasn’t— wasn’t? Before coming back to New York from Czechia for the same reason? Before coming to New York City for the first time…?

She fell asleep hoping that when she would wake up, she would be back in the right moment to change things to better; no matter which moment she would be thrown into.

\---

When she woke up, time was still the same. Oliver’s gentle hand was on her shoulder, quiet voice announcing her they were in Starling. Which only meant that the nightmare she just had, dreaming in impossibly vivid colours about destruction, betrayal, failure and death wasn’t a nightmare, but her life. That was disappointing. Also, she was really tired and her head was under the attack of dull pain.

To make it perfect, she now remembered every detail, recalling the strangest and rawest feelings of the… cacophony after the building collapsed among other things.

So as she followed Oliver and Roy into a cab in the middle of the night in an empty private part of an enormous airport, she gathered her courage, walking by Roy’s side.

“Roy?” she rasped, clearing her throat to sound like a human being. The man in question look at her, surprised.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I elbowed your face… and… stuff,” she murmured, remembering his arms around her, trying to keep her in place, trying to keep her from running into a building on fire, still exploding. Trying to keep her alive.

A tired smile ghosted over his face. “It’s okay. Occupational hazard.”

“Where to?” the driver asked and Oliver gave him two different addresses.

“Vera? Where would you like to stay? You have several options,” Oliver offered kindly and Vera’s head spun.

She was a freaking refugee, an asylum seeker, and she could even choose? What the actual hell?

“I don’t really care, Oliver. Wherever I’ll be intruding the least.”

“We were talking with Roy while you were asleep. His apartment is tiny, but you can stay with him.”

Vera wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Sure, Roy seemed nice enough, she had no doubt she could trust him, but if the apartment was really small… he was a complete stranger and he had already done so much for her…

“You can stay with me and Felicity, the couch is sure free.”

Her stomach rolled over at the idea. She wasn’t sure she could stay with the two lovebirds; she wasn’t sure how recent their get-together was, and seeing them together… not to mention she would be the third wheel. She prayed there was a third option.

“Or you can stay at the base,” he whispered lowly, “secret lair if you want to call it that. It’s under a nightclub, my father’s old steel factory. It’s a little cold, but there is shower and bed. You would be alone there for the night, but we would be dropping by randomly later.”

Vera bit her lip. The choice was obvious. Alone might be what she needed right now.

“If I really can choose? Alone it is,” she admitted.

The only answer she got was Oliver’s nod, his expression enigmatic. Whatever he thought about her decision, he wouldn’t let her know. He just added one more address on the driver’s list. They were about to pay a fortune. Somehow, Vera didn’t care.

\---

They dropped off Roy first and headed to the foundry only with Oliver. In the end, he paid for the cab, answering to Vera’s puzzled look with ‘I’ll take my bike.’

The basement of the factory was indeed cold. And very spacious. And kinda dark. And there were lots of pointy objects, several computers, scientific equipment, workout equipment, display cabinets with a dummy – for the suits? –, and then there was a _fern_ and a bed. Well. That was not what Vera had imagined. She kinda liked it here.

“Okay. So the bathroom’s there and if you go up the stairs, you find yourself in a storeroom of the club with lots of alcohol. The password for the door is 739182. You can use the computers, but try not to mess with the running algorithms. I’ll give you some clean sheets and a towel. You need anything else?” he asked as he walked through the base with confidence, tossing away both his and Roy’s bags.

Vera couldn’t think of anything, still awe-struck. She accepted the sheets and watched Oliver put away his costume… on the mannequin. Oh god. It looked cool, sure, but _oh my god._

He looked at her expectantly when he was done and Vera realized he was still waiting for an answer to his question. She shook her head.

“No, no, I’m good. Thanks— thank you for everything. This is much more than I could ask for,” she babbled, earning a soft smile from the man and a careful touch on her arm.

“Hey, it’s okay. Try to get some rest. We can figure out everything later. I’ll text you my number so you can let me know if you need anything. I’ll drop by at some point, okay?”

Vera nodded and tried to smile gratefully, barely keeping the tears from rolling down her cheeks. God, this was… she didn’t even have words.

“Thanks. Have a good night.”

The moment he passed her, she closed her eyes and released the waterfall. She changed the sheets and fell asleep in no time, still crying.

\---

Vera didn’t know what time she had went to sleep. She woke up with a startle, feeling herself falling into the darkness. She snapped her eyes open, staring at the grey industrial ceiling dully, unable to identify the space she was in. Until… well. Until she remembered. Starling City. Right. No nightmares; just the reality of life.

She ran her hand down her face as she felt tears stinging her eyes at the memories. Fuck. _Fuck_.

She wished to curl up in a ball and sleep through the rest of her life. The gnawing pain of betrayal sat heavily in her stomach, her head spinning slightly. _High blood pressure, Veronika_. _You’re too stressed, too upset, too ready to fight or flee._ Yeah, well. It wasn’t like she could do anything about it. And she had already done the flee part. And the fight right before that.

She checked the time, finding it was after 8 a.m. already; which would be interesting and make her wonder what time they had arrived and how long she had slept _except_ seeing the phone screen meant finding six missed calls from Matt – from her _ex-fiancé_ – and that made her toss the phone at the other end of the bed and indeed curl up into foetal position, muffling body in the covers as much as possible. She was alone at the base with no one to see her and hear her, but she was still grateful that the pillow silenced her sobbing and cursing.

\---

The next time she woke up, it was to a sound of someone typing on a keyboard. Vera blinked her eyes open. She rolled over – what an exhausting move – squinting at the source of the noise. She didn’t see much without her glasses, but she was pretty positive the person was blond. And female.

“Oh, hey. Sorry to wake you up,” the woman offered, apologising. “I just thought I’ll stop by since I have a lunch break, check up on my wonderful work.”

 _And on you_ , Vera’s sleepy brain supplied not so helpfully. She reached for her glasses, the picture finally getting sharp.

Wait. “Did you say lunch break?” Vera asked incredulously.

Felicity’s eyebrow rose. “Uhm, yeah.”

“What time is it?”

“A little after noon.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.” Felicity made a face. And Vera realized how rude she was; she climbed up from the bed, running her hand through her hair as if it could make her look like less of a mess.

“I’m sorry. Uhm. Hi. Thanks for letting me stay… and for sending me back-up. They saved— lives,” she said in the end, reluctant to say his name.

Felicity smiled briefly. “I heard. I mean… Oliver told me, but I was the eyes and ears until they went under. You know… traffic cameras. Security cameras… things like that.”

Vera stared at her in shock. “You can do that?”

The blonde looked offended and Vera elaborated quickly. “I mean, do _that_ at such distance?”

“Vera, I didn’t make a trip to Cambodia to get the photos I sent you,” she sounded slightly amused now. Vera bit her lip. _Christ_ , that was a lifetime ago. Everything had been so different back then… “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

Vera shook her head. “I know you didn’t.”

“History likes to repeat itself, huh? Fearing for his life? I know there was so much more for you, but… when I saw the building explode and couldn’t see Oliver out, his comms not responding… “

Vera bit her lip harder, looking away. The pang of fear was unexpected. She knew Matt’s injuries weren’t serious, but just the memory of seeing the building go down, the utter helplessness…

“I don’t want to… stick my nose in your business-“ Felicity started and Vera was sure that moment that Felicity actually did want to, because no one said a thing like that unless they did, “but Oliver told me what happened down there.”

Vera gulped, wrapping her arms around her torso. She didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to-

“I can’t take either side, but I’ve been there when Oliver felt like he needed to save everyone, even those who couldn’t be saved. Sometimes it worked out like with Roy, sometimes it didn’t. But he wouldn’t give up on anyone, no matter how crazy it seems. Some people are like that.”

Vera quickly wiped away her tears, refusing to think about Felicity’s words. She didn’t want to think about anything. Thinking hurt. _Remembering_ hurt. _Revealing the truth_ hurt. Lies and secrecy were malicious, but the truth… the truth could be brutal. Devastating.

“Yeah. Uhm… I… I really don’t want to-“ she rasped, clearing her throat uselessly.

“Sorry for bringing it up. No more probing your personal life, I promise. Just… you wouldn’t know what caused the earthquake, would you? We had a run with a machine that could cause something similar only at larger scale last year and we actually discovered someone tried to rebuild it, so…”

Ironically enough, Vera sighed in relief. This was a little safer topic. She had nothing to say to it, but if was _safer._ “Don’t know about that.”

“And the weird powered people? Do you know if they were… injected? With some strengths inducing serum? Cause we’ve been there too.”

“Uhm… I’m sorry, I have no idea. Roy mentioned something about… the serum you’re probably talking about, it sounded a little like ‘miracle’, but otherwise… I know a bulletproof guy and a super-strong woman, but I don’t know how that happened. The only source of superpowers I know is toxic waste, maybe. …and Chi. Which is some kind on an inner energy? A guy can light up his fist thanks to that and… and punching a dragon to its heart. I have no idea how… how they brought someone back to sort of a life…. So… uhm… yeah. That.”

Vera could tell that the IT girl was looking at her like she was crazy even without checking.

“Wow. Okay. _Well_. I tried,” Felicity babbled nonsensically and it made Vera smile inconspicuously. She knew she liked Felicity for a reason. And probing her love-life was not it.

“Sorry. I wish I could be more help. Make myself useful since I’m… using your hospitality.”

The other woman smiled at Vera with surprising warmth. “Speaking of hospitality. Did Oliver show you the snacks? They have some protein bars stocked here…” she walked to a cabinet, opening the third drawer. “But, I have my secret stash of sweets.”

“That’s nice. Thank you. But I need to find a store anyway. And… uhm… there isn’t a washing machine anywhere right? So a Laundromat too.”

“Oh. I’ll have Oliver to drop some of my clothes later if you want. It might be a little short, but I’m sure we can find something.”

“Really?” Vera asked, incredulous. “I don’t want to… I’m already making so much trouble-“

“Please,” Felicity leaned in, whispering conspiringly. ”We offer our safe-house too often. At least you’re a guest without the potential to become a super-villain… right?”

She winked at Vera and Vera couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Thanks. Yeah, I would appreciate that. Any good tips for Italian or something?”

“I’ll text you a list from work including addresses. I gotta run. You’re gonna be okay here?”

Vera smiled at her sadly. “As much as I can be,” she admitted with a knot in her stomach and Felicity gave her a compassionate look.

“Yeah. Wouldn’t expect more.”

 

 


	2. The therapist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> …aka big brother is watching you.  
> Vera’s POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. Here we go. Not sure when I'm able to post again, so... here. This might take a while for you to read anyway :))
> 
> The whole conversation via texts is in Czech, but I didn’t want to underline it, 'cause the graphics would be terrible.

She was sitting at the computers, swinging in the comfortable chair, thinking about everything (namely Matt, what Felicity had said, what she had done) and nothing (like trying to avoid thinking about what the hell she should do next). In a way, she was bored. It was good, not have to answer to anyone, not have to pretend she was fine, but… the thoughts became too much and being alone with them… she wished to switch her brain off.

She almost fell off the chair when her phone beeped with an incoming message – not a normal text, but via her app. Which was strange, because the only people who communicated with her like this were her family and friends from Czechia.

**_Peťula (3:58):  
_ ** _Hey!_

Vera stared at the screen, surprised. Petr had been texting her from time to time, more often after their visit and the revelation of Matt’s— _ouch_ , extracurricular activities, but still… maybe she was getting paranoid, but she immediately assumed something had happened.

**_Me (3:59):  
_ ** _Hey. Is everything okay?_

**_Peťula (3:59):  
_ ** _Can't an older brother text his little sister without being suspicious? How you're doing?_

It was _extremely_ suspicious, especially since he asked like that. She bit her lip. She definitely wasn’t ready to share how she was doing.

**_Me (4:00):  
_ ** _Not really. And I'm fine._

**_Peťula (4:00):  
_ ** _You don't sound fine. Are you really?_

Even more suspicious. What the hell? It was like he was sure something had happened. She decided she might mask it with a little sarcasm. That usually worked.

**_Me (4:01):  
_ ** _We're sending texts via an app. If I sound like something, it's Siri's fault. Why wouldn't I be fine?_

**_Peťula (4:02):  
_ ** _Call it twin telepathy._

**_Me (4:02):  
_ ** _We're not twins._

**_Peťula (4:02):  
_ ** _Well, just a hunch then._

**_Me (4:03):  
_ ** _Still suspicious._

A hunch. That could have actually been the only way of knowing she wasn’t alright, right? How else would he— son of a bitch. _Unless_ , he kept an eye on her as he had brilliantly mentioned; ‘ _Do you really think I haven’t been keeping tabs on my little sister?’_ The news. How much could be found on the internet about what had happened?

**_Me (4:03):  
_ ** _You have a Google alert on me or what?_

**_Peťula (4:04):  
_ ** _It’s a little more complicated than a Google alert, okay?_

**_Peťula (4:04)  
_ ** _But yeah, basically. And have it on you? Yes, that too, but… on Matt and his other self mostly._

**_Peťula (4:04):  
_ ** _Eleven million? Sweet. The blown up building? Not so much._

Well. She couldn’t argue with that one. Of course Daredevil had been seen on the scene at some point. Of course Petr would know. Was that why he was texting? To know if _Matt_ was okay? Honestly, she had no idea. The last time she saw him, he seemed healthy enough. How was he now? Hell if she knew. She only found like the few missed calls from him, either from his own phone or from the burner. She didn’t call back to either of them. She wouldn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to talk to him. Was he hurt beyond what she had seen?

Back on track. Petr was on the line.

**_Me (4:06):  
_ ** _He's alive. Not seriously hurt even._

**_Peťula (4:06):  
_ ** _I'm not worried about him._

Well. That made more sense.

**_Me (4:07):  
_ ** _I wasn't hurt either._

Except for few bruises. And maybe a little concussion. And broken heart. Twice. Or three times.

**_Peťula (4:08):  
_ ** _It looks like he's almost died, so somehow I doubt that. I'm not only talking broken bones and stuff._

**_Me (4:08):  
_ ** _I'm fine._

**_Peťula (4:08):  
_ ** _Try again._

**_Me (4:09):  
_ ** _He's out there every night, sticking his neck out. This wasn't any different._

_Lie, lie, lie._ This was way different, everything had changed, he hadn’t stuck his neck out, he had laid it under the blade of a freaking guillotine, willingly, doing a grand gesture for his former lover, for his _love_. Vera felt the icy shiver running down her spine, nausea building in her stomach. She wanted to puke. And cry. And hit something. She squeezed her eyes shut, ignoring the received text for a while, getting her shit together. She was tempted to just turn her phone off and bury herself in the covers of her new bed.

**_Peťula (4:09):  
_ ** _This was something more, Mechy-girl. I can tell. How are you doing?_

The only worse question her brother could have asked was ‘Are you okay.’ She had no idea how to respond.

**_Me (4:13):  
_ ** _Staying at friend's._

**_Peťula (4:13):  
_ ** _Terri's?_

She could have just said yes and she would be off the hook probably, he would let her be and she could continue her pity party. She didn’t. Maybe she was a masochist. Maybe she _needed_ to talk about it, but without facing the person she would talk to…

**_Me (4:14):  
_ ** _Not exactly._

**_Peťula (4:14):_ ** _  
Are you in Starling City?_

Vera stared at the words, unable to form her own. What? What. The. Actual. Hell? How could he possibly know that?!

**_Peťula (4:14):  
_ ** _With the other costumed guy. Bow and arrows? Really?_

She went to defensive mood immediately. Oliver was an amazing guy, a hero and a _saint._

**_Me (4:15):  
_ ** _He saved Matt's life._

**_Peťula (4:15):  
_ ** _Fair. So you're staying with him._

**_Me (4:17):  
_ ** _Yes._

She considered denying it. But why lie? It wasn’t like Petr would tell any— oh _crap_.

**_Me (4:17):  
_ ** _Don't tell Matt if he contacts you._

**_Peťula (4:17):  
_ ** _HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?!_

Vera looked up from the angry letters. Well. About that.

**_Me (4:18):  
_ ** _...no._

**_Peťula (4:18):  
_ ** _What the actual hell, Verčo?_

**_Me (4:19):  
_ ** _He's not my guard dog, Petře._

**_Peťula (4:19):  
_ ** _What does that mean? He's probably scared shitless._

Vera had no idea and she frankly didn’t want to have one. Maybe he was. Maybe he was not. Maybe he was sad she left. Maybe he was pissed at her, beating the shit out of the bags at Fogwell’s, or out of someone on the streets. Maybe he was grieving for someone else. Maybe he was a messy bundle of emotions he couldn’t quite name, just like her. Maybe, maybe…

**_Peťula (4:20):  
_ ** _He knows you're okay at least, right?_

Petr was missing the point here. Not that Vera blamed him, he couldn’t have known what had happened, what Matt had done, what she had done…

**_Me (4:21):  
_ ** _It's none of his concern anymore._

**_Peťula (4:21):  
_ ** _Bull-SHIT. Tell me what happened._

_Too much, Mechy. Too fucking much._ She wrote a response, instantly deleting it before sending it. Another one, same result. And another. She settled for the easiest one.

**_Me (4:24):  
_ ** _We called off the engagement. ...sort of._

**_Peťula (4:24):  
_ ** _YOU WHAT?!_

**_Peťula (4:24):_ ** _  
Give me his number._

Vera blinked, half in surprise, half to chase away the tears. Seeing her own line, seeing it written, that they had called off the engagement, _she_ had, because Matt didn’t love her, Matt didn’t want to be with her, he had chosen another woman to die with, to die for, she just— why on Earth she would give away Matt’s number to Petr? So he could tell him where she was? Petr didn’t know half of what happened. Was he taking his side?

**_Me (4:25):  
_ ** _No chance in hell._

**_Peťula (4:25):  
_ ** _What has he done? He promised that if he ever hurts you, he'll come to me so I could break him something. For dumping you, I'll break his EVERYTHING. Like what the hell?!_

Oh. So that was a no to taking Matt’s side. Vera wasn’t even ashamed of feeling a little satisfaction, no matter what mess her emotions were. Because calling off the engagement broke her heart, because she just wanted to crawl back to Matt’s arms anyway. Because she was clearly an idiot. It was nice to have some support for the anger side.

**_Me (4:26):  
_ ** _... it was me._

**_Peťula (4:26):  
_ ** _I'm sorry, WHAT? Explain, please._

**_Me (4:28):  
_ ** _He almost died, Petře. He **voluntarily** stayed in a building which was about to collapse with zombie his ninja ex. So yeah, I freaked out a little, packed my stuff and left the ring behind._

**_Peťula (4:28):  
_ ** _...I'm really confused._

**_Me (4:29):  
_ ** _Don't ask._

**_Peťula (4:29):  
_ ** _And I'm really sorry, but you need to give me his number, so I can have a shout match with him and then you need to give the exact address so I can punch him to his face._

**_Peťula (4:30):  
_ ** _With a crowbar._

**_Peťula (4:30):_ ** _  
Repeatedly._

It was a terrible image, but she let out a small laugh. Her big protective brother. God, she loved him. She loved him so much. An indescribable longing for his loving hug hit her like a truck. How much was an immediate ticket to Prague? She chuckled through her tears.

**_Me (4:30):  
_ ** _Not happening. But thanks._

**_Peťula (4:31):  
_ ** _Well, he's a jackass, he deserves it. You know what? Forget about him being worried. Screw him. If you want to, just give me some contact and I'll text him angrily asking him what he has done to you that you appeared on my doorstep in the middle of the night._

**_Me (4:32):_ ** _  
That's kinda mean, I think?_

**_Peťula (4:32):  
_ ** _I know. That's the point. I trusted him, Verčo. He seemed love-struck._

And that hurt. Among all the things Vera was feeling, so many things that were too hard to categorize, confusion was one of them. Everything had been fine. Perfect even. They had been so happy. Passionate kisses, endless nights, unshakeable trust and support – how had it gone to shit so fast? Had it all been just pretended, was she really just an option two for him? She had had no doubt Matt had loved her with all his heart, he had proposed for god’s sake- 

**_Peťula (4:33):  
_ ** _He was crazy about you. That guy would breathe for you._

Yeah, she had thought so. Where had it gone wrong?

**_Me (4:35):  
_ ** _And die for another._

**_Peťula (4:35):  
_ ** _He did seem to be a rather dramatic type._

**_Me (4:35):  
_ ** _Understatement._

**_Peťula (4:36):  
_ ** _Exactly. Now, I'm NOT taking his side, but there has to be more to what you told me._

The upper part of her displayed lighted up in violet. An incoming call. She wanted to hang up automatically, but she froze when seeing the name. **Brett,** read the screen. Jesus. _Shit_. That couldn’t be good, right? She quickly shot her brother another text before accepting the call.

**_Me (4:36):  
_ ** _Hold on a sec._

“Brett?” she said, utterly shocked.

Matt wouldn’t like… alert the police or something, right? That would be ridiculous. And even if he had, Brett wouldn’t try to call her...? And Matt wasn’t stupid enough to get caught in his armour, right?

“Hey! You okay? You sound pretty on edge. Should I call later?” Brett’s voice sounded genuinely concerned and Vera sighed in relief. Of course she was not reported as a missing person or something. And no matter how much she was telling herself she wasn’t also relieved Brett didn’t seem to call because of finding Daredevil in a puddle of blood somewhere… well, she was, okay? For the sake of the New York City citizens.

Yeah, she was a terrible liar.

“No. Now is fine. What’s going on?”

“Could you come down to the precinct and fill in some more blanks? Only about what had happened in the building. It doesn’t have to be right now.”

Well. She really couldn’t come down. What blanks did they want to fill in anyway? Knight was there, for god’s sake. And they had given their testimonies… mostly true ones? Vera couldn’t remember what she had said to the police.

“That… might be a problem,” Vera admitted hesitantly.

“Why?”

“I’m staying with my friend.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” he assured her, the worried note in his voice disappearing. “You can come down tomorrow or something. You’re with Gratton?”

“Yeah… no. Why does everyone assume she’s the only friend I have?”

“Well… I just believe you know better than staying with Walker or, god forbid, _Jones_. And Temple didn’t seem like an option.”

“Fair… I’m not in the city, Brett.”

Short silence followed. “Oh. So you’re with the green guy?”

Vera’s lips twitched deliberately. “No, I’m not with the Hulk.”

“Hilarious. I mean the one with bow and arrows who showed up out of nowhere, together with the red one. You have weird friends, Machackova.”

“Thanks. You realize you’re one of them, right?” she offered with a small smile, pushing the idea of Matt eavesdropping on the call and learning where she was to the back of her mind. Even if he was, who said he was coming? Or that she, in the darkest corner of her heart, didn’t want him to? Just a little?

“Right. So I take it you won’t be in town for few days at least?”

“Pretty much.” Or longer. Or ever. “Can we do it over the phone?”

“Nah, it can wait. Have a good time. Sorry for bothering.”

Vera couldn’t help but smiling a little wider.

“Brett, you know you never bother. I owe you more than one.”

“See, that’s where you are wrong. At some annual meeting and briefing or whatever, the police department of New York City decided to give me some award. For the Worshippers business.  And a promotion.”

“Really?” Vera blurted out, astonished. That was new. And _amazing_. “That’s great, Brett! You deserve nothing less.”

“So do you.”

“Nah. I just went along. Congratulation.”

“Not yet. It comes with some freaky social event. I’m gonna have to get a tux.”

“Aww, poor you,” she pitied him mockingly, imagining his annoyed face. Brett would have a cute annoyed face.

“Sure, make fun of a guy. I’m hanging up now. Give me a call or drop by when you’re back, okay?”

“Of course. Have a nice day, Brett,” she said before hanging up on the man.

Well. Back to the gloomy business. Back to analysing Matt’s betrayal. And her escape.

**_Peťula (4:36):  
_ ** _Holding._

**_Me (4:42):  
_ ** _Sorry. A cop called._

**_Peťula (4:42):  
_ ** _You don't sound half as concerned at the fact as you should._

**_Me (4:43):  
_ ** _We've been over this. I don't sound at all. And he's a friend._

**_Peťula (4:43):  
_ ** _I'm not even asking._

The corner of her lips quirked. That was probably for the best.

**_Me (4:43):  
_ ** _Good. I had an eventful year, I kept bumping into him and sort of a friendship happened._

**_Peťula (4:44):  
_ ** _THAT'S an understatement. Whatever. What happens now?_

That question caught her off guard. She wasn’t even done with truly accepting what had happened, still hoping it was just an awful everlasting nightmare. She hadn’t thought of a plan beyond her escape.

**_Me (4:45):  
_ ** _Dunno._

**_Peťula (4:45):  
_ ** _I'm still waiting for more info._

**_Me(4:46):_ ** _  
I don't know what to tell you._

**_Peťula (4:46):  
_ ** _...you DO have more info, right?_

_Define more info, Mechy_. What did she know? She knew she was pissed and sad and confused and heart-broken and panicked and didn’t want to think about anything and— and she had no clue what had happened, apart from Matt’s Messiah’s tendencies to bring salvation to everyone and to love everyone had showed and his ex was on the top of the list of loved ones apparently… or something like that.

**_Me (4:47):_ ** _  
I guess?_

**_Peťula (4:47):  
_ ** _You know what happened, right? You talked about it? Possibly loudly?_

**_Me (4:47):  
 _ ** _…Not really?_

**_Peťula (4:47):  
_ ** _Oh, Mechy-girl..._

**_Me (4:48):  
_ ** _What is there to talk about? It seems pretty straightforward._

**_Peťula (4:48):  
_ ** _Once again, NOT taking his side, there's no excuse for what he has done, but you should hear him out. So you could figure it out together, work on it._

“Maybe I don’t want to,” she snarled, tears stinging in her eyes again, her grip on the phone tightening.

She didn’t want to think about it, not really talk about it, _what was there to talk about?!_ She deserved an explanation, but was there any explanation needed? What he had done was sending a clear message. She didn’t matter. Not as much as she would wish, not as much as he had been claiming. And that _hurt_. She didn’t like being hurt.

It was just like David all over again, all loving and plans to the future until someone else had come, until he decided he could do better— okay, she didn’t know if and how a zombie ex was _better_ , but apparently, Vera was setting a very low standard. And that fucking hurt. Being lied to hurt. Betrayal hurt.

**_Me (4:50):  
_ ** _Maybe I don't WANT TO._

**_Peťula (4:50):  
_ ** _I can't hear your heartbeat and I still can tell that's a lie._

**_Peťula (4:50):  
_ ** _He wasn't the only one smitten._

Oh, go to hell! As if she wasn’t aware of her own feelings!

**_Peťula (4:51):  
_ ** _Talk to him, Mechy-girl. Take your time, let the justified anger out so you have clearer head and then you can throw the ring to his face for all I care. But don't give up just yet._

She took a deep calming breath. Petr wasn’t the one she was truly angry with. And she couldn’t deny he had a point. Clear head was the last thing she had right now. But this was also about her _heart_. She reread the message several times, thinking about a response rather than about how the potential conversation with Matt somewhere in the foreseeable future could go. _Talk to him. Don’t give up just yet._

**_Me (4:55):  
_ ** _I can't believe you're supporting my relationship with a guy with whom my life is in danger on daily basis._

**_Peťula (4:55):  
_ ** _Me neither. But I rather you to be happy and in danger, living your life to the fullest. I know there are tons of guys who could be better for you. But you've chosen him and I've never seen you shine so bright like when you came here with him._

**_Peťula (4:56):_ ** _  
So, talk to him._

**_Peťula (4:56):  
_ ** _And don't do anything stupid in the meanwhile, okay?_

She huffed out a laugh. It was a weird sound, only half humorous, but it was a _laugh._ And she was a little offended.

**_Me (4:56):  
_ ** _Oh come on._

**_Peťula (4:57):  
_ ** _I mean it! You're in a secret lair with a masked dude, running around 'his' city, playing a vigilante. I know how you're with those types._

Okay, offended _a lot_.

**_Me (4:57):  
_ ** _Ew, Petře! I just broke up with my fiancé. Plus, he has a girlfriend._

**_Peťula (4:57):  
_ ** _... I was referring to the fact you might want to run into danger. But good to know, I guess._

…oh.

**_Peťula (4:57):  
_ ** _So he's hot._

**_Me (4:58):  
_ ** _I'm logging out now, so I can ask him to put an arrow in me without painting the screens I’m sitting at with my blood._

**_Peťula (4:58):  
_ ** _Please don't joke about that._

Well, given her history in US, she had to admit that this kind of a joke was more than inappropriate.

**_Me (4:58):  
_ ** _Sorry._

**_Peťula (4:59):  
_ ** _But he’s hot._

**_Peťula (5:00):  
_ ** _??_

**_Me (5:01):  
_ ** _What are you, thirteen? Yes, he has a nice smile and he’s parkouring over rooftops, shooting arrows. Of course he’s hot. And his friend is kinda cute. Satisfied?_

**_Peťula (5:01):  
_ ** _Yep. I was wondering if you’re gonna mention the red guy._

Vera rolled her eyes at that. Of course Petr knew about Roy as well.

**_Peťula (5:01):_ ** _  
Love you. Sending a long hug._

**_Me (5:02):  
_ ** _Love you too. And thanks, I appreciate the hug a lot._

**_Peťula (5:02):  
_ ** _I know. I can give you a real one if you decide to come and possibly stay, but for god's sake, talk to Matt first._

**_Me (5:02):  
_ ** _Yes, mum, I heard you the first time and the second time._

**_Peťula (5:03):  
_ ** _Don't be a brat._

**_Peťula (5:03):_ ** _  
And take care of yourself._

**_Me (5:03):  
_ ** _You too. Say hello to Lenka from me._

**_Peťula (5:03):  
_ ** _She says thanks. Bye, Mechy-girl._

**_Me (5:04):  
_ ** _Bye._

She put the phone down, leaning onto the backrest of the comfy chair, closing her eyes with a sigh.

 _‘Talk to him_.’ That was easier said than done. It would mean calling him and hearing his voice without bursting into tears. Or seeing him – same problem. And she would probably yell at him, which kinda would be _his_ problem, not hers, but— yeah, there was no way she was ready to talk to him, even when she craved for a freaking explanation. The problem was, as much as she thought she deserved one, she was also terrified of hearing it. Like this, she could only fantasize. Hearing Matt saying ‘ _sorry, I just love her more than you’_ , possibly _‘can we stay friends’_  followed by _‘if not for anything than for your stitching up skills’_ , god forbid _‘please stay with me now, I can’t have her and I need someone’_ that was _not_ something she could do. Maybe he would even add ‘ _I didn’t want to hurt you’_ , because this was Matt she was thinking about and there was a thick possibility he really hadn’t want that, because he had many flaws, but he wouldn’t break anybody’s heart on purpose.

She squeezed her eyes tighter as she felt fresh tears gathering in them. Goddammit shit.

“Are you okay?” sounded a voice above her and she yelped, this time tripping the chair over for real. She didn’t fall only because Oliver caught it before it hit on the ground, her included.

“Ježišmarja! What is wrong with you people?!” she demanded, emphasizing each word, staring at Oliver’s apologizing face, his hands still on the back of the chair and on the seat as he returned it to its original position.

“Sorry. I take it this isn't the first time you almost got a heart attack this way.”

She tried to slow down her alarmingly quickly beating heart, taking a deep breath. “No. It’s not. I don't know what's up with this… sneaking up on someone.”

Oliver let go, shrugging. “Well, it makes it easier to beat our enemies. The element of surprise is a huge advantage,” he explained lightly.

“Yeah, I kinda get that. But do I look like an enemy?”

“Of course not. It's a force of a habit. If it makes it better, Felicity threatens to get me a bell too.”

“Can't say I blame her. This can't be healthy.”

“Point taken,” he noted with a kind smile. “How you're holding up?”

She huffed. It was her turn to shrug. There wasn’t much to tell. “I'm holding. Not sure about the ‘up’ part. I just talked to my brother— well, wrote and read anyway. It was kinda nice.”

“You have a brother?” he asked, seeming genuinely surprised. She would almost believe him.

“If I didn't have the pleasure with Felicity Smoak, I might even believe your surprise and curiosity.“

Oliver grimaced. “Fair. But it's a little different, hearing it from you.”

“I guess…. Yeah, I have a brother.”

“Oh. Older or younger?”

“Older. He's my big brother. Literally. In every sense including the capital B’s, since he apparently has a Google alert on me or something. ... I blame my lust for bear hugs on him.”

“That's nice. Felicity sends these,” he gestured towards a sports-bag few steps over. ”Anything I can do for you?”

Vera honestly didn’t know if she should be annoyed or touched.

“Oliver, I'm chilling at your secret base and you brought me clothes. I'm pretty sure that's... a lot, already.”

“I'm offering. Anything you need?”

“No, thank you,” she replied with a smile, rising from her chair – wow, possessive much, Macháčková? –, moving to her bed to make space for him. “I’m just gonna… keep chilling, I guess. Taking headphones, so be loud if you need anything.”

“Gotcha.”

\---

People tent to do weird things. Putting fries into their milkshake. Drinking pumpkin spiced lattés. Fighting over nothing. Singing in the shower even when their neighbour is clearly hearing them. Listening to songs over and over. Better yet, listening to sad songs when being sad.

Vera was lying flat on her back, almost dozing off, playing Flares on repeat. It wasn’t a sad song, per se, there was hope in it. Maybe that was the reason why she was listening to this one in particular. The talk with Petr had cracked her conviction, poured a little grey into the black and white viewing. Did she know enough about what had happened?

She sighed and opened her eyes, checking on Oliver – he was still sitting behind the computers, clearly working, but not too busy. This was a terrible idea.

Was it?

She massaged the bridge of her nose, sitting up and pulling the headphones out. She would be perfectly fine postponing the question to later or never, but… _goddammit, Mechy._

“Oliver?” she called out hesitantly, his eyes immediately finding her instead of staring at the screen.

“Yeah?”

“Can I... can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” he replied, giving the impression of meaning it. Of course he meant it. He was the good Samaritan, he would do anything.

Vera shook of the thought, rising to her feet, slowly walking to him. His gaze followed her curiously.

“I... what exactly happened?”

She didn't have to explain further, Oliver understood what she was asking; though he did look puzzled.

“You don't know?”

“I… I think I know less than I should,” Vera admitted hesitantly.

“Well, what did Matt tell you?” Oliver asked with a frown, the confusion not quite leaving his face.

Vera licked her lips, looking away. “...not… not much.” _I didn’t give him much space to talk._

Silence fell for several moments. Vera gulped, afraid of seeing his expression, suddenly feeling ashamed for her abrupt escape.

“Oh. That... makes much more sense. Okay. I can do that.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure the second chapter made it better… but Mechy/Petr/Peťula had his bit! …yay?
> 
> The song Vera is listening over and over – Flares by The Script – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7jaXI6oXpQ
> 
> Random note: I’m not exactly punk like that, but one day I just want to sneak on a party with all those rich people having the expensive phones with Siri and yell something like ‘Siri, can you tell me what the weather is like today in New York City’ and listen how many phones will respond and how much of a mess it can make.


	3. Heartbeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... life kinda sucks. Have a chapter :) (and a cookie, though that's on you to find somewhere)
> 
> It's extremely long, but you’ll finally find out what the hell happened under Midland Circle before and shortly after the blast. Oliver’s POV and short switch back and forth. Enjoy (or have angst or something).

_Please, tell me the story_  
_leave out no detail_  
_leave behind all the lies._

_Only then I may feel_  
_the truth in your heartbeat_  
_only then I may see_  
_the truth in your eyes._

Elektra’s body slammed against the rock and the woman cried out. Jessica just looked where the other woman landed heavily, checking their surroundings; the Hand’s warriors were defeated, lying on the ground, unconscious or unable to get up, at last for now. Oliver glanced at the scene around them once more before he headed to the elevator – they were good to go.

So why was Matt’s half-face twisted in such a strange grimace?

“We need to go, come on,” Matt said as he helped Danny up, patting his arm.

“No complaints here,” Jessica huffed, joining Oliver in the cage, followed by Luke and Danny.

Matt was about to join them as well, when Elektra’s voice made him stop in his tracks. “Leaving me behind again, Matthew?”

Oliver didn’t like her tone; he didn’t like what it implied. He wasn’t familiar with this woman, didn’t know what she was talking about exactly, what had happened in the past between the two of them, but her voice was accusing, very straightforwardly guilting Matt into doing something doubtlessly unwise. Oliver also didn’t like what the single note done to the man in the devil costume – the way the lines around his mouth changed, twisting more visibly than before.

“Go,” Matt whispered, closing the gate of the elevator cage. Some of their enemies were slowly climbing to their feet – they _did_ have to go.

“We’re not leaving you here,” Jessica protested immediately, seconded by Danny’s _“not without you.”_

Matt shook his head. “I think I can get through to her.”

No one liked it; that much was obvious. Jessica’s, Danny’s and Luke’s faces were conflicted, caught between the urge to get the hell out of this hole and not leaving their friend/ally behind. Oliver liked it even less.

“Go, I’m right behind you,” Matt assured them and Luke finally pulled the lever, setting the elevator in motion.

“Lying is a sin, Matthew,” Oliver heard the woman whisper sweetly, laughter in her voice. “But you would know about that, wouldn’t you?”

Yeah, that was it. He made a promise. And he would keep it. Not to mention the elevator seemed to be the only way out of here; Matt was clearly lying – unless there was a superpower he and Vera had forgotten to share. Or unless Matt had another ace in his sleeve, _sensing_ a different way out.

“What are you-“ Jessica startled as Oliver jumped over the gate, taking down a man who started climbing up the railing to get to them on his way. He shot another three before he turned his attention to the pair talking nearby.

“Are you done hiding behind your… _friends?”_ Elektra asked mockingly, noticing Oliver with the string of his bow stretched, ready to shoot. _“_ Oh. I guess not. Lower your bow, Merida. This won’t hurt me.”

Matt winced as if he only registered Oliver’s presence when she addressed him. Oliver didn’t move an inch, tracing her with his arrow as she moved to the left – he wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth and the arrow indeed wouldn’t hurt her, but he was willing to give it a shot. If anything, there was always one more explosive arrow in his quiver and two more with the carbon fibre .

Matt raised his chin up in a challenging gesture. “I’m not leaving, Elektra. Not yet.”

Truth to be told, Oliver was only slightly comforted by the ‘yet’. Then again, it _did_ imply Matt wasn’t planning on staying, so…

The woman smiled wryly. “Well, your friend here apparently isn’t leaving either. I gotta give it to him,” she threw her hand in the archer’s direction, “at least he wouldn’t leave anyone behind, which seems to be your area of expertise.”

“I didn’t do that.”

“Oh, _right_. You just judged me. And were stringing me along.”

“What are you talking about? I never… I loved you, Elektra.”

Well. That was new. Matt and this woman had used to be together. His reluctance to leave made much more sense all of sudden, even when she was obviously the villain. Oliver could relate for an obvious reason; Helena Bertinelli. A woman with a personal murderous vendetta against her own father, a woman Oliver had thought he could save and bring her to the path of righteousness. Of course, it hadn’t ended well – at the time thought, Oliver had not wanted to hear that, hadn’t wanted to give up.

Oliver didn’t think that whatever Matt was trying to do here would end any better. He was also sure there was nothing he could say to convince Matt about it. Goddammit.

“Really? I thought so actually. _Before,”_ she emphasized, taking a step closer. Oliver hated that he wasted an arrow on a man heading his way, losing the sight of her for few seconds; when he returned his attention to her, she was standing closer to Matt, her expression raw with emotions. “I believed you, Matthew! You said you learned. That you knew me and that I knew you like no one else ever had…”

“I was wrong when I thought we belonged together,” Matt answered her accusations, raising his hands in ‘no harm’ gesture. “But that doesn’t mean my feelings weren’t real.”

“You _said_ you knew me and that we belonged together. And then… then you saw something you didn’t like, I offered you a mirror to your own soul and you couldn’t bare it. Hypocrite, you are,” she spitted out, sounding hurt. Matt seemed to be emotional too.

Oliver was getting twitchy; this was about to end up in a fist fight. He wasn’t sure they had time for a fist fight.

“No. No, _you are,_ Elektra. Because you agreed with me. Stick told me. He said you wanted to fight the war differently. There was a light in you, I saw it, but he kept pushing it deep inside you. I can still see it.”

“Ah, yes. _Stick_. He wanted me to be his soldier. Devoted. Oh, Matthew, you have no idea how good it felt to lead the blade through his heart. And finally break those chains he had me in – or he thought he had. It felt good to leave him the first time as well, but actually _killing_ him…. You should try it sometimes,” she offered cheerfully.

“Elektra-“

“Is that what the light you’re talking about looks like, Matthew? I don’t think so. But I was right about you. I _saw_ you. I saw the real Devil in you, the part of you that you keep denying-”

“I’m not denying anything. This is who I am,” Matt opposed her, shaking his head, lips tight.

“Yes. _Yes,_ this is who you are,” she cried out, taking another step to Matt. One more and Oliver would shoot. “A liar, hiding behind a mask, giving empty promises and abandoning people you claim to care about.”

Matt winced as if she actually hit him. Oliver was getting a blurry picture of what had happened between them and he couldn’t help but take the vigilante’s side. It was too easy to relate. Caring about someone who seemed to be beyond salvation, loving them even, feeling you were making a difference with them, something making you snap, making you realize you couldn’t change them…

“I _did_ care about you. It was you, who left, remember?”

“Because you lied through your teeth! You said you loved me, that we belonged and I saw the disgust in your face that night! We went a way together, a long way to set yourself free and then you cowardly crawled back into your shell!”

“I didn’t-“ Matt took a deep breath. “Alright. If you feel it this way, alright. I’m sorry. Yes, I abandoned you. And I don’t want to do that again. So come with me.”

The woman burst into a bitter laugh, looking away from her former lover. Just her presence was driving Oliver on edge. She was clearly unstable and insane. Why were they still here again?

“You don’t mean that. You think I don’t know about your little… _pet?_ ” she teased him, dry smile on her lips. “How she has you wrapped around her little finger? Or, well, ring finger?”

Matt looked taken aback by her observation and the amount of things she knew. He remained silent, astonished, apparently unable to oppose that argument. Oliver was sensing some misunderstanding here; surely Matt never meant to imply he would leave with this woman, because he wanted to give her another shot as his lover? He just wanted not to leave her behind? She was seeing something that wasn’t here.

“That’s what I thought,” she noted, wry.

“That doesn’t mean you have to stay here,” he urged, this time shortening the distance by himself. Oliver clenched his jaw. _Goddammit, Matthew!_ ”You’re not their slave, you don’t belong to them.”

“I know who I am and that I belong to no one. I am free,” she threw her hands in the air, taking a step back, looking up as if she was seeing the sky, as if she was spreading her wings to fly into the sunset. Free to do so.

“So _live_ that freedom.  We can still make it out of here.”

In an incredible speed, she swished her sai towards the elevator shaft – Oliver barely managed to hit it with an arrow and send it another direction. He didn’t handle the other sai though – it got stuck precisely in the mechanism of the lift, sparks flying around as the metal protested loudly.

Oliver gulped. Well, so much for making it out of here the easier way. His loyalty was towards Vera’s boyfriend, but he hoped the others were high enough and would have time to make it out before the elevator would drop – Oliver had no doubt it would.

“Oops. Looks like we can’t,” Elektra chipped as Matt’s hands curled up into fists. Oliver was tempted to scream ‘ _finally, some anger’_ and ever more tempted to shoot this woman right now; he wondered if Matt would be pissed if he would do that.

“That’s what you would like, wouldn’t you?” Elektra spitted out. “Having your precious consciousness clean, because I wouldn’t stay here, and yet leaving me. No, Matthew. That’s not gonna happen. Either you’re with me… or you’re with no one. You said that you loved me. You can again. We can be together and fix what you’ve broken. After all, we _belong_ together, Matthew. I like what I’m seeing, it’s still in you, but now you grew and maybe you can finally embrace it. I grew too. We can finally have it. Together. Forever.”

Oliver couldn’t hold back a wince as the loud bang echoed in the dome, the earth shaking inconspicuously with the elevator cage dropping. There were no shouts – for a very short moment, Oliver let himself to feel relief; the elevator was empty.

“In death?” Matt questioned, anger soaking through his voice.

Oliver didn’t know him very well – hell, he only met him tonight – but he thought there was also a hint of desperation.

“Why do you insist we die, Matthew?”

“Because there is enough C4 to bring the building down. And the countdown started a while ago,” Matt strained through his teeth, shocking both Oliver and Elektra. Except while Elektra didn’t seem to care too much, Oliver did. A lot. He had no intention letting himself be buried under tons of concrete, neither he intended to leave Matt to such fate. He had no clue how long it had been or how much time there was left, but they were leaving _. Now._

“Oh. I guess we do die, then,” the woman hummed, shrugging casually. “ _Forever_ comes in different shapes and colours.”

“Matt,” Oliver demanded, using the name for the first time, leaving the game of I-don’t-know-who-you-are-under-the-mask – it was quite obvious he at least knew his real first name now. “We need to leave.”

Matt winced.

“Oh, Robin Hood spoke up. You have cute friends, Matthew, real Devil whisperers.”

“Elektra…” Matt addressed her once more, clearly giving her the last chance. Oliver was _almost_ relieved the man had some reason left. But they had no time for this.

“Matt. _Now.”_

“I take it back, he’s annoying. And rude,” Elektra noted sarcastically, tilting her head. “How do you suggest we leave, Matthew? We climb? _Please_. No. You stay with me. By my side, where you belong and where I always wanted you.”

Yeah, Oliver had enough. He switched the arrows and shot – the carbon rope wrapped around her immediately, pinning her against the wall. Both Matt and Elektra gasped in surprise.

“Let’s go,” Oliver hurried the other man. “There’s someone waiting for you on the surface.”

Oliver could see the inner fight on the lower part of Matt’s face, his jaw tight, fists clenched, his body wavering. He didn’t want to give up on this woman, but Oliver made his point. There was someone who was much more important – who _had_ to be much more important to him.

“Chop, chop. Wifey is waiting for you with the leash,” Elektra sneered and Oliver regretted he didn’t have an arrow with a duct tape to shut her up as well.

“Don’t listen to her!” he thundered.

“And I can’t wait for you to let me die again.”

Oliver could see how much those words hurt the other man. This was ridiculous and _idiotic._ “That’s not on you, Matt! She made her choice! Come on!”

“Make your choice too, Matthew,” she encouraged him with a sickeningly sweet smile, confident she knew what Matt would choose. Confident he would choose her over Vera. Oliver was praying the opposite would happen. He wouldn’t want to _drag_ Matt out of here against his will.

“…I’m sorry,” Matt whispered hoarsely, breathing in shakily, sparing the woman one more glance – as much as he could glance at someone.

Oliver jogged to the elevator shaft, beckoning to Matt to follow him. The New York City vigilante apparently realized Oliver did have some tricks in his sleeves and he didn’t need a functioning elevator to make it out.

“Oh Matthew, _you son of a bitch,”_ the woman hissed like a cat, breaking the rope easily, lunging forward.

Oliver didn’t hesitate, shooting the last explosive arrow left in her direction, aiming the carbon one up the shaft, hoping it could hold both him and Matt. The other man caught up fast, one hand on the bow, the other on Oliver’s shoulder. In any other situation, their position would be really awkward, but Oliver didn’t give it a second thought. Life and death situation here.

They needed to use the arrow repeatedly on the way up, sometimes climbing. Oliver was used to some heavy workout, just like Matt obviously, but by the time they reached the surface, finding themselves on the ground floor of the fancy building, they were both panting, Oliver’s muscles protesting. And there was a long way out of here.

“This way is the closest,” Matt rasped, his voice heavy with more than just fight for his own life.

Oliver would feel him, but right now, he didn’t have time be occupied with that. He trusted the man’s senses, following him abruptly through the halls with no windows, not even trying to reboot the communicator with Felicity.

“The beeping changed, I’m thinking ten seconds.”

Oliver tried to push the panic away, blindly running after the Devil, only walls around them. How big the floor could be?!

He finally glimpsed glass instead of concrete, picking up faster tempo. He had no explosive arrows left. He shot four regular ones on his way, hoping to create a crack at least before they would use their shoulders instead of a rammer. He prepared for the pain, his mental countdown reaching one as they collided with the glass.

The shockwave of the explosion sent them flying, ironically helping them break the glass. Through the pressure crushing his body, the heat and the deafening blow, he registered Matt on his side as they both hit the pavement hard, turning their faces down to shield their uncovered skin from the fire. He couldn’t properly breathe in, the air too hot, too filled with smoke and dust. Behind and somehow above him, the glass was shattering, the concrete breaking as the floors were blowing up one after another.

A hand grabbed his biceps, trying to yank him up, weakly, coughing sounding right in his ear, yet too quiet between all the noise. Oliver kept his eyes shut, climbing up to his feet – god, his body _hurt_ and _burned_ – stumbling away from the heat, Matt’s hand still on him. It was evident the other man had no idea where they were going either, but the main direction – _away_ – was clear.

When Oliver found the courage to open his eyes properly, the noise and ringing in his ears slightly fading, he found himself surrounded by light cloud of dust and the Devil by his side. There was no one else – the block around the building must have been cleared, people learning about the explosives ahead, which was not only a good sign, but also very convenient.

Oliver mentally checked the damage made to his own body before examining Matt – the man seemed unsteady. The thing was, if there was any blood spouting from somewhere, the stains were now coated in dust. What was important was that they were both standing. They made it to a less visible site and Oliver tried to connect with the rest of the team – particularly with Roy, who was supposed to be with Vera, hopefully somewhere around the other vigilantes.

“Roy. _Arsenal_. Can you hear me?” he rasped, his throat dry, the comm uncomfortable in his ear. The voice sounding from the tiny speaker answering him was even more unpleasant, but it was the best possible sign. Oliver silently thanked Felicity she didn’t spoke too – if she could even hear them, of course.

“Oliver!” Roy yelped, shocked and delighted. “Yeah, loud and— are you-“

“We’re fine,” Oliver said simply, Matt leaning closer to him as if he was trying to listen in, his fingers raised to his ears as if they were hurting though. “We made it out before the building blew up.”

“What the— if I didn’t think you just died, I would kill you myself.”

“Thanks,” Oliver chuckled, letting the tension fall from his shoulders. “What about you?”

“Yeah, we’re all okay… mostly.”

“Vera?” Matt whispered, his hands twitching as if his own voice hurt him.

“How’s Vera?” Oliver asked, both wanting to know himself and for Matt’s sake.

“Yes, even Vera is okay.” Matt tilted his head, his lips tight. “I keep my promi-“

“She doesn’t sound okay. I can’t hear much through the comms, but… she’s not okay.”

Oliver felt his eyebrows shot up – he could hear more even through the comms? Maybe that was why he looked like he was in pain – he was trying to listen for _too_ _much_.

“Is she really, Roy?”

“I mean…” Roy paused, hesitating. “Yeah, she’s kinda out of it, not entirely with us, but conscious, breathing, not bleeding profusely or something-“

“She’s hyperventilating,” Matt pointed out flatly and Oliver was sure he had gotten insane, because it was simply not possible to hear that, right? He himself didn’t catch it. How could Matt?

“Is she hyperventilating? Calm her down or she passes out.”

“Well they’re trying to-“ Roy protested, slightly irritated.

“Try harder,” Matt hissed and Oliver decided that this plea he wouldn’t pass over.

“She’s not listening to anything we’re saying, okay?!”

The Devil shifted uncomfortably. “Shit. … okay. Can he turn off his voice disguiser? I don’t think that it helps her to calm down. Tell her…“ Matt licked his lips, apparently, trying to figure out a way to sooth her. “Tell her that I’ll wait for her at home. No— that I’ll wait for her until the lights will guide her home.”

Oliver spared two seconds staring at the other man, before he touched the tiny sensor on his chest, repeating Matt’s request.

“Turn off my— and tell her what?!” Roy asked incredulously and Oliver just sighed. “I— fine.” The short silence was followed by Roy’s surprised note. “Huh, she stopped covering her ears at least.”

“Good, so she’s probably listening now,” Matt breathed, relieved. A small smile crept on his lips. “Tell her I’m alive and repeat this: ‘Lights will guide you home’.”

Oliver didn’t think too hard about what was that supposed to mean; he had heard stranger things. He passed over the message.

“Good. Now. ‘And ignite your bones’.”

“For real?” Roy complained when Oliver told him.

“Yes, for real.”

“Now, say the whole thing again and add ‘and I will try to fix you,’” Matt instructed them again and when the line was left open for him to hear what was happening there, Oliver could see his smile widen. “How is she now? She sounds better.”

“Roy? How is she? Better?” Oliver asked dutifully.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think we’re definitely better here.”

“Good. Get on the west side of the building. Or where it was anyway. We’ll meet you there.”

“I’m on my way,” Roy announced and Oliver smiled at the suddenly much more relaxed man at his side.

“So. Where now?”

Matt’s smile was soft. “Home.”

\---

“And we made it home. I stitched him up, he helped me to stich up Roy, treated me. Introductions were made, the honest ones. You came shortly after we were done,” Oliver finished with almost casual shrug.

During his narrating, she leaned onto the table, while he remained in the chair. Now, she watched him, tearing up. Hearing this… it was intense.

Matt had actually chosen life in the end. It wasn’t… it wasn’t perfect, he had decided too late, hell, maybe he had thought Oliver would have stayed behind with him and he hadn’t wanted to be responsible for his death, but… between her shock, fear and possible revelation, she had never really given Matt a chance to explain himself, had she? Just like Petr had said.

Maybe he had even chosen _Vera_ in the end? Maybe… maybe he didn’t love Elektra after all? … _maybe?_ She would probably never learn Matt’s true motive for trying to get away. Definitely not unless she asked him. But did it matter?

Another question was if she could even believe Oliver was not making it up. It was clear Oliver wished them to be happy – together.

“Can I— can I try something please? Don’t-- uhm, sorry, it might be uncomfortable. We do it with--- we used to, ugh… _Matt_ can hear heartbeats,” she babbled.

“Yeah, I know. Stuff had been said… when the elevator was going down before the fight.”

“Which is unfair to me. He can— could always tell when I was lying. Or anyone, really. So he let me-- uhm. When I told him I loved him for the first time, it was…” Vera couldn’t help chuckling. “It was an accident, kinda. It just slipped. He… I think he knew me pretty well by that time. I think he did it, because he knew that when he would say it back, I would think he’s just doing it to make me feel better about it. So… so he took my hand-“

Vera hesitantly raised her hand to Oliver’s throat, feeling for his pulse with two fingers. She found it easily. She glanced at his face for a second, checking if he was indeed uncomfortable. Oliver seemed a little surprised and slightly wounded that she needed to check if he wasn’t lying, but he didn’t protest. Vera lowered her gaze again. Even when she was touching only his neck, it felt strangely intimate.

“-and laid it over his heart, let me feel his steady heartbeat. And then he told me he loved me too,” she whispered, cracking a smile, ignoring new and new tears gathering in her eyes. “So I could be sure he’s telling me the truth…. Are you, Oliver? Is what you just told me the truth, did that happen?”

“Yes. It happened. I’m telling you the truth,” he confirmed softly, his eyes locked with hers.

It was maybe more the sincerity he said the words with than the steady pulse under her fingertips that convinced her he wasn’t lying. She let the tears roll down her cheeks and her hand fall from his throat; to her surprise, warm big hand caught it.

“I’m not saying it changes everything. Or anything at all. I just think… you should know what happened. Matt’s insight would probably be more telling, but… this is what I have to offer.”

He smiled inconspicuously, giving her hand a squeeze. Vera fought the urge to hug him and hide in the man’s kind embrace. She won. Barely.

“Thank you, Oliver. For— for telling me this. And thank you again for coming there and… and saving his life. I’ll never be able to repay you for that.”

Vera didn’t remember actually showing any signs of wanting to hug him, but he must have felt it somehow; he gently wrapped his huge arms around her waist and shoulders. The gesture startled her for a second and made her question who hugged who first. She really hoped it wasn’t her jumping him. The moment she mentally confirmed it was indeed him and he was not shoving her away, neither was letting go, she melted into his embrace, resting her cheek against his shoulder.

“And you don’t have to, Vera. You helped me too, but we’re not scoring points. You don’t have to do anything,” he whispered, slightly cradling her twice. She squeezed him tighter, fresh tears soaking his t-shirt.

“Damn you, selfless people.”

Oliver chuckled silently, causing their bodies to vibrate.

“Can you keep a secret? None of us is actually that selfless. Especially when it comes to a remarkable woman… you’re the one who actually showed me that guys like me _can_ get the girl. No matter how weird it sounds right now.”

“I thought you and Felicity...” she mumbled, confused. So they hadn’t been together when they had come to New York?

“It’s been about to happen, I guess. But… I thought I’ll keep her safe like that. That she deserves better. That we can’t… have both of our crazy lives. But if _she_ was willing to give a try… if she was willing to accept this, with all what it takes, just like you were.... I saw you waiting for him and I realized— I realized I needed to try, that I-- yeah.”

They fell silent for a long time, still standing in a hug. It felt nice – if there was something Vera needed right now, it was body heat, something warm; thundering, but calm heartbeat, huge protective arms. They might not be Matt’s, neither her brother’s, but she needed an embrace, a shield protecting her from the outside world.

If Oliver minded her damping his t-shirt with tears or squeezing him too tightly, holding onto him like on a dear life, he didn’t utter a word.

“I’m glad,” Vera broke the silence. “You— you seem to fit together really well, I’ve seen it even back then in the café. I-- I hope you’ll last.” _Someone should._ “Something tells me neither of you had much of a good luck. You care for her a lot, anyone could see that. Seeing you smiling at her… it was like the sun coming out. But you can lean on each other too. The thing you have… it’s rare.”

Vera had thought she had had it too. Maybe she had. But now….

“And now I sound like I’m seventy years old and giving love advice to my grandson, don’t I? Sorry.”

He chuckled again, kind and slightly amused sound. “No, no. You’re just being honest. You’re… very intuitive. It shouldn’t surprise me.”

 _“Intuitive._ I don’t think I heard that one before. Thank you, Oliver. Sorry to ambush you— your t-shirt,” she stuttered, embarrassed as she noticed there was rather big damp stain on his t-shirt.

“I was the one who hugged you,” he protested, looking down at her as he slightly loosened the embrace. “I’m a big hugger.”

“Sure. You know you just told me I’m intuitive, right?”

“Fair enough.” He finally let go of her, slowly as if he was making sure it was okay to do so. “You’re gonna be okay here?”

“Yeah. Thanks for letting me stay… and for the clothes.”

She quickly wiped the tears from her cheek with the back of her hand. God, crying was nasty, why did she keep doing it?

“Any time.”

With those words and a smile, he disappeared, using the exit to the back alley. It occurred to Vera that he had done barely anything in the bunker – the only reason why he had come had to be her then. She felt a tiny sting of guilt at that.

\---

He couldn’t help it. He had no right to feel that way, but it was hard not to. She reminded him of Thea. His little sister, who needed a protective older brother while rarely admitting it. She was inconspicuous at the first sight, just another nice girl – but if someone bothered to look under the surface…. She was stronger than most people would think, smarter too; that reminded him of Felicity – and really, this similarity was undeniable for several obvious reasons.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Felicity hummed instead of a greeting when he returned home in the evening. “How is she holding up?”

“Good. Better than expected, given the circumstances.”

“Your face says something different,” Felicity noted as he took off his coat.

“Well… her fiancé almost died and she broke up with him over it, I think she’s entitled. But…” He set his jaw tight, shaking his head inconspicuously. “I think she regrets it.”

“Agreed. I… I really hope they’ll get back together.”

“Well, that would require her hearing him out. Being willing to talk to him. To meet with him ever again.”

Felicity bit her lip. “I’m sure she will. We might need to help it a little, but…”

Oliver tilted his head, squirming at his girlfriend. “You’re up to something. Felicity, honey, what are you planning on doing?”

“Call him, maybe?” she offered carefully and he sighed.

“I’m not sure we should get involved in that.”

“Well, we can’t let them end it! Those vigilante types tend to be lonely and broody, they need someone to take care of them. But also to ground them. To keep them in the light. Someone persistent, to stick around even when they try hard to push them away. I mean, I know this time it was her, who pushed him away, but… duh.”

“She does remind me of you a lot,” Oliver admitted, placing a light kiss on her forehead. He hoped they could dismiss the topic. They really should stay out of this. Shouldn’t they?

“Should I be jealous?”

He let out a short laugh. “She’s like a combination of you and _Thea_ , so I don’t think that’s what you need to worry about. It’s a little scary.”

Felicity laughed too as he wrapped his arm around her waist. “Okay. I still think we should do something. But we can do that in the morning. Time to go to bed?”

“Oh why, miss Smoak. Are you suggesting anything?”

“Yes, Mr. Queen,” she smiled sweetly at him, leaning onto him. He lowered his head to kiss her. “You’re awfully sleep deprived.”

“And here I thought….”

Felicity rolled her eyes, but pulled him into another kiss.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally writing down what happened at Midland Circle after the group split. Yea/nay? I changed Elektra a bit I guess. I thought pushing Matt’s guilt button would work since she couldn’t really bet on his feelings. Elektra is no fool.
> 
> Did the Devil advocating thing worked on you too? At least a little? It’s still hazy, but it doesn’t seem like Matt was ready to stay under and die. Of course, he still took an enormous risk, his Messiah complex messing everything up, but there is a little ‘but’, isn’t there?
> 
> By the way, with the third chapter of Ready to Suffer, Ready to Hope, the Damned crossed the line of 500 000 in word count (when I include all the codas, even AtWWG).  
>  **Thank you** if you stayed that long, it means a world to me. **You’re wonderful.**  
>  I’ve done a tiny (and approximate) research:  
> 100 000 – after-benefit, Terri playing a spy (my sweet innocent child, what have I done to you)  
> 200 000 – h/c with 110% done Vera and talk about double date (the fluff)  
> 300 000 – Vera patrolling the streets as a Worshipper with Liam (being named Liam is a bad omen?)  
> 400 000 – alternate version of Claire trying to convince Matt he dreamed up last year or so (ouch)  
> 500 000 – Matt navigating Ollie/Roy through calming Vera after the explosion - Oliver’s narrative


	4. Not so secret lair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> …aka being a vigilante means having a ninja ex, apparently. Vera’s POV.

The night was the same. Full of nightmares and memories. Except this time, she was less exhausted so the cold kept waking her up; she missed her personal heater, she missed Matt’s arm wrapping around her waist at some point of the night, his body, his general _warmth_. She put on another hoodie, but it didn’t quite help.

The morning was brutal – she was woken up at eight by her ringtone. It was very unpleasant, because her pulse skyrocketed almost to 200 at the idea of Matt trying to contact her again. She wasn’t ready to talk, even though she had to admit she would love to hear his voice _._ Not to mention she was still… unnerved he hadn’t tried to call her again.

_Goddammit, Veronika._

It wasn’t her ex-fiancé. It was Terri. Vera couldn’t say she wasn’t disappointed a little bit more. And also utterly relieved.

“Hi, Mechy! I’m just heading to the café and I wondered if you’ve already talked to Mrs. Walker? I want to let her know I’m ready to go back to work, so if you have any note you want to me pass— Vera? You there? You okay? I’m not interrupting some morning-- whatever, right?” she asked cheerily.

Vera blinked to the darkness of the secret lair, processing her best friend’s words. Vera hadn’t talked to her since they saw each other in the cab after the explosion. Šmarja. She was such a shitty friend to have. Also, _ouch_. Terri was definitely not interrupting ‘some morning _whatever’_.

“Hey, Terri.”

“Hey you. I woke you up, didn’t I? I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Tell Walker I still need several days off and I’ll let her know as soon as I’ll know when I’m coming, okay? Thanks,” she mumbled. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fabulous, thanks, why don’t _you_ sound so good? Why do you need extra days off and it feels like you need a _lifetime_ off? What’s wrong?” Terri demanded, worried.

Vera bit her lip. “It was… a lot to process, Ter. I’m gonna be okay. I just need a little bit more time.” _Understatement of the year._

Her friend didn’t say anything for several moments. The silence was ominous. Terri was no fool. “Try again, Mechy. Or I’m gonna check on you myself, screw the fact you need some alone time with your man.”

Vera let out a choked noise; her eyes burned again. _Ježišmarja_ , she just really wanted to stop crying. It didn’t help anyone.

“I wouldn’t do that, Ter. I’m not at-“ _home_ “-not in Hell’s Kitchen.”

“You what?! Where _are_ you? What’s going on? Can’t you stay out of trouble for a _goddamned_ day?”

“I… I don’t want to talk about it, don’t take it personal, it’s just… I’m not in Hell’s Kitchen and I can’t tell you where I am, because you never know who’s listening.”

“What the actual _fuck_ , Vera?!” Terri burst out, making Vera squeeze her eyes shut. Vera loved Terri, she really did, but this time, she so didn’t need her concern.

“Look, we… we broke up, okay? I—I couldn’t-- please, I really don’t feel like talking about it yet,” she whispered, her throat tight, her cheeks already damp.

The strangest thing was that maybe she wanted Matt to be listening in. So he would know she was hurting and so he would go and try to find her. He hadn’t tried to call her ever since the evening they parted ways and it actually _hurt_. It went against everything Oliver had said about the events at Midland Circle.

“I… I am really confused, I feel like I’m missing something huge here, I don’t understand _at_ _all_ , but okay. Call me when you’re ready to explain what _the hell_ happened that my OTP just broke apart. And— just… call me, okay? And don’t do anything stupid.”

Vera couldn’t help a smile, though she was slightly annoyed. “I don’t understand why everyone keeps telling me that. Thank you, Terri. I’ll take you for a spa weekend when I’m back or something, I’m sorry I’m such a shitty friend-“

“Oh, please, shut up, Mechy. Just get your shit together, whatever it is and take care. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

\---

The rest of the day was uneventful. She took a shower, explored the club above the base, seeing the irony on its logo, which looked like a reverse arrow head, a green one on top of that; she wondered how many people knew about this inside joke. She considered working out a little to chase away her thoughts, but she neither had her wraps nor had any idea how to work with the wooden dummy or anything else.

Before she knew it, it was late afternoon. She was still alone, Felicity being at work, Oliver and Roy God knew where. She was walking around, observing the room for the millionth time. The display case with Oliver’s vigilante outfit; it was a little ridiculous and a little self-important, but there was no denying it looked really cool. She ran her fingers over the elegant curve of the bow, unable to keep the corners of her lips down at the memory of their first masked meeting. God, it felt like ages ago. Then Matt had come back, he had met her family and friends, he had proposed… and all the shit had happened.

Everything had changed so fast.

Had she acted harshly when running away? Oh, definitely. But her heart had ached in the way she didn’t remember it aching before. He would die. He would run towards the arms of death, she had known that before, but it terrified her when seeing it so up-close. How _willingly_ he was able to give up his life… for someone who didn’t even live anymore. Not to mention it was his ex, an ex he had been hiding from Vera. And wasn’t that just an icing on the cake?

Vera wanted to be with him. Oh god, she wanted to be with Matt so badly. But _how_ could she come to terms with that? That she was possibly only his second choice? That even if he had decided to choose her in the last moment, what they had could be over in matter of seconds – from his own initiative?

And what had they had, really? They had barely started living together, hadn’t managed to start planning their wedding. Could she really believe that anything would change if there had been more? If they had been married? If she had been pregnant? If they had actually had a kid? He had claimed he wouldn’t be keeping secrets from her. He had said that if they had had a child, he would have tried his best, would be more careful and be out less. That had all been just wishful thinking, hadn’t it?

 _‘Sweetheart, if there’s something that you don’t like about him, some annoying habit, some character feature you can’t stand, don’t keep your hopes up that it’ll change. Don’t ask yourself if he can change, the answer is no, not really. Ask yourself if you can live with the idea that he won’t; not after years together, not after marriage, not after having children.’_ Her mum had told her that when Vera had been dating David and she had been crying her eyes off, because of-

Something cold and sharp touched her throat, arm around her chest. Vera inhaled sharply, immediately brought back to present.

What the fuck? She was in a secret lair. How was she having something cold and _very sharp_ against her throat?!

“Who are you?” dangerous voice hissed to her ear, to Vera’s shock (bigger shock) a female one.

Her mind raced. She didn’t think Oliver had any other female friends knowing his secret, possibly knowing the location of his secret base. Which meant this woman was a villain. So Vera was the only one present when the base was under attack. And wasn’t that just fantastic?

She felt stinging as the blade broke through her skin. “I asked you a question, _answer me.”_

“No one,“ Vera breathed, closing her eyes. What was the way out of this one? What had she been taught?

“Try again.”

“Who are _you?”_ she tried her luck, possibly out of her mind.

“Someone who’s not happy about you being here.”

“Well, I was invited. Were you?”

The firm grip on her loosened slightly and that was all Vera needed. She elbowed the woman to her gut, feeling another sting on her throat, lower this time, and knocked the knife out of her attacker’s hand. Vera caught her wrist, twisting, being rewarded by a roundhouse kick right under her ribs. She gasped, stumbling backwards, letting go. 

Vera finally took a short look at her attacker – she had long blond hair, black mask and black outfit resembling Black Widow’s, only with a low-cut. For a fraction of second, Vera wondered if all baddies in Starling City wore a costume just to make it more obvious that they were going against a guy dressed as Robin Hood cosplayer. The fraction of second was enough for the woman to punch Vera to her face, sending her flying.

Vera’s involuntary movement was stopped by one the metallic tables; the one with arrowheads. She grabbed one of them, turning around, only to barely dodge a kick aimed at her head.

Why the hell was everyone she had met lately a fucking ninja? Not that she would prefer a gun in her face-

“Who are you and why are you here?” the masked blonde growled, lunging again. Vera noticed her gaze flickering to Vera’s right – Vera jumped away just in time not to get hit by another woman in a skirt suit. What the fuck? Guess that was a ‘no’ to the costume question.

A brutal kick to her gut sent her flying backwards once again, her lower back colliding with another table. She hissed in pain, losing both her balance and the arrowhead, falling to the ground. She stumbled back to her feet, blocking another blow and another. Jesus, where was Oliver’s team? She wasn’t sure about the time, but it felt like she was down here alone for too long.

She didn’t appreciate the attack as an acceptable way of passing her time.

Vera kicked out mostly blindly; surprised she hit something, making her enemy stumble. It gave her enough time to change her posture from defensive to aggressive. Knees were weak spots. She missed by an inch, quickly adding a hit with the back of her fist to the blonde’s face. Success. This time when she aimed for her knee, she actually managed to hit it, making her sunk.

Something awfully sounding like a cock of a gun caught Vera’s attention, making her head snap its direction; the next thing she knew, she was on her back, air knocked out of her, her head hurting like a bitch, her gaze on the ceiling.

Both women entered her field of vision. The one in the business suit was aiming a gun at her. What was it what Vera had been thinking about guns earlier? _See, that’s what you get for blasphemy._

Vera was desperately gasping for air as the gunwoman eyed her associate. “You okay?”

The masked one wiped away blood from her mouth. Vera spent one precious second being proud of herself for making her bleed. She looked like a pro; her punches and kicks definitely felt like it.

“Yeah.” She stared at Vera, who was pathetically lying on her back, panting and aching. “So. I’m gonna ask again and believe me, it will be the last time.” Huh, Vera didn’t register some accent before. She sounded… weird _. “Name.”_

Vera gulped. Doprdele. What now?

“Gaia,” she rasped. A second later, the blonde kicked her side. Honestly, Vera would kick herself too. She was a terrible liar, she knew that. Why was she lying again?

“You think I won’t shoot you?” the other one asked confidently, raising her perfect eyebrow.

Oh, Vera had no doubt she would. She had just no idea what to do. Apparently, she was off her game since she couldn’t even fight off two women. To be fair, the blond one _was_ a fucking ninja. Not that it mattered; the important thing was Vera being in a secret base under attack and she had no way of defending it or herself. She needed to push herself harder, but she couldn’t find the strength in her body.

Heavy steps resonated on the stairs and the gunwoman’s head snapped that direction. Vera quickly rolled over, planning on cutting out her core since she was distracted. The masked blonde helped Vera graciously with the rolling, burying a knee to her back afterwards.

“Wouldn’t do that if I were you,” her captor hissed dangerously.

“Sara? Laurel?” male voice sounded with utter shock.

Roy. _Oh, thank god_ , rescue on its way.

And _oh, shit,_ could _he_ take them down?

And _what the fuck?!_ He knew them?!

“What are— SHIT! Let her go!” he burst out in panic, his steps turning into a rapid pace.

Vera felt the weight from her disappearing almost instantly, breathing in gratefully.

“You know her?” the blonde aka accent woman aka ninja demanded, surprised. Sara? Laurel?

Vera gasped for another dose of air, pushing herself up to her knees, coughing. Shit, her ribs were in agony.

A touch on her shoulder made her jump.

“Sorry, sorry!” Roy apologized immediately. Vera shook her head, licking her lips. Iron. Great. She _loved_ tasting blood. “She’s a friend.”

He helped Vera up, grimacing as he checked her over. Vera tried to smile in return, turning her eyes to the women. The business woman had no longer her gun – it was now placed on a table, still in her reach. The blonde was observing them cautiously, mistrustful. Vera requited the glare wholeheartedly.

“How much of a friend? What the hell is she doing here?”

“Living temporarily?” Roy offered unsurely. The blonde raised her eyebrow. “Not sure how good _friend_ actually, but considering she knows Oliver’s secret and he was willing to make a trip to New York to help her, I would say good enough.”

Vera was sure Roy was thinking about Vera asking Oliver to take his pants off when saying the word ‘friend’.

“What? He went to New York? When?” the former gunwoman asked.

“Few days ago. I went with him, there was some ninja problem-“

“The League?!” the blonde blurted out in horror.

“No, no. The Arm-“

“The Hand,” Vera corrected him automatically, speaking up for the first time. The women’s gaze focused on her.

“The Hand? I— I heard stories about them. What-- what does she have to do with The Hand? Are you crazy, bringing her here? Is Oliver insane?”

Vera blinked, taken aback and… afraid. What did this woman know about the Hand?

“You know The Hand? … What the hell is The League anyway?”

“The League of Assassins. Ninjas. Super badass ninjas,” Roy explained shortly as if it was any help. He didn’t seem to be concerned about her knowledge about ninja cults. _Ninja cults. The world went crazy._

_“Sure. The Hand, The Chaste, The League of Assassins…”_

“The Chaste? Roy, Jesus, whoever she is, she’s dangerous! What is your connection to them?”

_My ex-fiancé, who I broke up with few days ago, was an involuntary member of the Chaste. He joined them because they tried to kill me in order to recruit him, because one of their masters trained the said fiancé-- EX-fiancé, but now they are all dead except him and one guy with a glowing fist, but so is the Hand, because we let a building fall on top of them._

Vera mentally counted to ten. “It’s complicated.”

The blonde inhaled sharply only to be stopped by Roy.

“She’s a friend, like I said. No one would come after her. She’s not a member and I honestly doubt she ever wanted to be part of any of that.”

“I really didn’t.”

“She at least started the training,” the black mask protested, still suspicious, wiping the corner of her mouth again.

“She did this?” Roy wondered, astonished, looking at Vera in shock. “You punched Sara?”

Vera clenched her jaw.

“Not the time, got it. You’re bleeding. Shit.”

“I’ll live,” Vera murmured, her hand automatically reaching to her throat. The bleeding was minor, already stopping. Her ribs and face hurt like a bitch though. Her head wasn’t too great either.

“I’ll take care of it,” the blonde offered to Vera’s absolute awe. The woman took off her wig – yes, _took off her wig,_ she was a less shining blonde under it – revealing her freckled face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I’m Sara.”

Vera reluctantly accepted her hand, shaking it.

“Vera.”

“Not Gaia, huh? I’m Laurel. I’m Sara’s sister,” the other woman shook her hand too and Vera managed a relieved smile.

“I would say it’s nice to meet you both, but… well…”

Sara shot her a sympathetic look as she opened a ridiculously equipped first aid kit and put on latex gloves.

“Why didn’t you tell us your name? Or that Oliver let you in? Hearing his name would probably help.”

Vera eyed Laurel, hissing as the disinfectant stung on her throat. Roy awkwardly stood by her side. “Yeah, let’s just assume I had no idea if you’re the residents or the bad guys. I really wouldn’t give away Arrow’s identity.”

Sara looked up from Vera’s wound. “She has a point, Laurel. Don’t make her talk now, I’m trying to work here. It’s not bleeding much, you won’t need stitches.”

Vera wanted to say thanks, but she shouldn’t be talking. Nodding was probably out of question too. She thanked once Sara was done with the cleaning.

“You think you’re bleeding somewhere else?”

Vera shook her head. “No. Ribs hurt like a bitch, but I doubt there’s any bleeding.” Visible one, at least… internal bleeding was another case.

Sara placed a bandage square on her throat, fixating it with plaster. Vera was sure it looked ridiculous, but hey, she didn’t want the wound to get infected.

“I’m sorry. Can I check for bruising?”

Roy turned around before Vera could answer, making her huff out a laugh. And Jesus, _ouch_.

“There is some older bruising, I had… uhm, stuff happened. And it’s okay. You were just protecting the base of operations.”

“So were you,” Sara offered softly, giving her a small smile before rolling up her tee. Vera realized too late it would reveal her scar as well – only when Sara’s breath hitched. “The Hand?”

Vera bit her lip. “The Chaste actually.” Sara looked up. “Told you it was complicated. Someone I know was being recruited for their war. I got caught up in the crossfire. How do you know about all that?”

“On and off member of The League of Assassins. It’s… complicated.”

“Gotcha,” Vera hissed as Sara poked a sensitive spot. Physically this time.

“Someone should stay with you, just in case there is any internal bleeding, but I think that won’t be a problem since you’re staying here. The way you hit the table wasn’t pretty either. Did you hit your head too?”

Heels clicked on the stairwell and Vera instantly knew who it was. “A little.”

“Whoa, that’s a crowd. Sara, I didn’t know you were back in— what the hell happened here?!” Felicity squeaked and Vera grimaced.

“I met some of your… friends,” Vera informed her nonchalantly, covering her exposed torso. Felicity’s gaze flickered between all of them.

“Care to elaborate?”

“She was very protective of your secret lair and so were we. Few kicks and punched were thrown,” Sara did elaborate. Felicity’s eyes went wide.

 _“We are so dead…”_ Felicity mumbled, gaining confused looks from everyone, ignoring them only to check on Vera.

Vera couldn’t decide whether she should be flattered Felicity cared more about her or insulted, because she automatically assumed she was the one hurt more. Then again, Sara was ‘ _on and off member of The League of Assassins’._ What did that even mean?

“If there were kicks and punches, why does she have the bandage as if someone tried to slit her throat? _Jesus.”_

“I’m… I’ll be fine, Felicity. I survived worse.”

“I _know._ And you realize that’s not reassuring at all, right?”

Vera gaped. “What do you mean _you know?!”_

“Oh, she has a thing for hacking databases. Hospital ones too,” Oliver grunted, joining them. Where the hell did he come from? He placed a gentle hand on Vera’s arm. “You okay?”

Vera almost cried at the kind voice and his sincerely worried eyes. She didn’t. But she was hanging by a thread. Not trusting her voice, she just nodded.

“Hey, Sara.” He gave the blonde short but firm hug, rewarded by her smile.

“Hi, Ollie.”

_Ollie?_

“So, now when we are all here, do you think we could do some work? Because – surprise, surprise – there’s another fugitive from the law,” Felicity announced almost celebratory, tidying up the mess on the floor only by the tips of her shoe.

“Are you saying I’m gonna see Team Arrow in action?” Vera joked, grateful for the distraction.

“We don’t call ourselves-“

“No, _you_ don’t call us that. Everyone else does,” Felicity cut Oliver’s protest off with a grin, sliding on a rolling chair to the computers. Vera smiled at the domesticity and at the brilliant gape that Oliver’s mouth made.

“What’s the word?” he asked instead, following her to the screens. The rest joined them and Vera sat in one of the chairs too, wondering if her life could get any crazier.

\---

“How did you meet Oliver?”

Laurel stayed behind while Roy, Oliver and Sara sprung into action under Felicity’s attentive monitoring. Laurel was obviously feeling a little left out, but didn’t exactly hurry to change into any costume, so Vera assumed she wasn’t one of the vigilantes. But she didn’t seem to be a computer geek either. So who was she, apart from being Sara’s sister?

Obviously someone who didn’t like just sitting there in silence.

Vera wavered at the question. Laurel seemed nice. She had a look of someone who had been through more than they should, but considering she was friends (?) with a guy running around the city shooting criminals with arrows and her sister was an assassin, it was kinda implied. She seemed confident when holding the gun. On the other hand, she was neat – high heels, perfect makeup and hair, the kind of a woman men fell head over heels for. The business suit – manager? Lawyer? She looked smart. But not like Felicity crazy hacking skills smart. Anyway. Did Vera want to share the story with her?

“He… crushed to my fire escape,” Vera said after a while, apparently surprising Laurel by answering in the end.

“Huh. In the hood, I assume?”

Vera chuckled. “Yeah. In the hood. He… he was injured. Nothing that serious, but… he needed help.”

“And you helped a creepy guy carrying around bow and arrows? That’s rich.”

Vera sighed. This was the real moment of truth. “I… I have some experience with his kind of people.”

“Yeah, I saw. That was some serious fight you pulled out.”

“I got my ass kicked.”

“If you say so…” the other woman hesitated. “Sorry for… you know. Aiming a gun at you.”

Just two girls, talking, apologizing for pointing a gun at the other. Sure, why not. Vera burst out laughing at the absurdity. Laurel reluctantly joined her.

“Is that my sister laughing?” mechanically disguised voice complained and both women shut up instantly. “Take that as a yes. Any joke to share? The mood is kinda down here.”

“Laurel is apologizing for threatening Vera’s life. Focus. There are at least ten heat signatures in the warehouse…”

“Why is it always a warehouse…” Vera mumbled absently. “What’s your story with Oliver?”

“Oh, we didn’t finish yours yet. How exactly did you help him?”

“I… borrowed him a phone, because his comms were… _something_.” She hesitated once more. “And I stitched him up a little.”

“Huh. Fighting and stitching up… you’re running around a city at night too?”

“No. I played vigilante once and it was enough.”

“She almost got crucified back then,” Felicity hummed absently and Vera jumped a feet above her chair.

“How the hell do you know that?!” she yelped at the same time Laurel blurted out _“You what?!”_

“Thanks, Felicity. How— how do you even know that? There’s no official record of-- wait, _is there_ an official record of ME personally--- _Jesus.”_

“Inappropriate swearing.”

“Is that you watching our backs?” presumably Oliver hissed, slightly irritated. “Also, _boundaries,_ honey.” Definitely Oliver.

“A) I was talking about something else and B) seriously, _boundaries_. I have secrets I’d like to keep for myself,” Vera whispered, exasperated. She turned back to Laurel. “I figured out Oliver’s identity. Things… happened. He knew I got involved with a New York vigilante. I asked Oliver for help when ninjas tried to wipe off New York City of the map. He came. I came back with him, because— I needed a vacation.”

“I think it’s a little more complicated than that, but still, _wow._ Guess it’s not your favourite topic.”

“Nope. Care to share your meet-cute?”

“We used to date. Then he hopped on a yacht with my sister he had been sleeping with behind my back and their boat crushed. He came back from the dead and became a vigilante, not that I knew about the night part. Sara came back from the dead too and they banged once more-“

“Jesus-“

“-then I found out about their secret lives, she returned to The League and Ollie and Felicity got together.”

“Wow. Not your favourite topic either?”

“Nope,” she accented the p. Then her expression softened. “We’re okay now, we overcame it all I think. He catches criminals, I nail their asses at court.”

Vera huffed out a bitter laugh – she had been right. “Of course you’re a lawyer.”

Felicity gave her a sympathetic look, quickly snapping her head back to the screen when gunshot rang. Laurel and Vera jerked to their feet immediately, checking the screens.

The fight was… epic. Vera didn’t know who she should be watching first. Roy was mostly for shooting arrows, perfect aim. So was Oliver, but when one of the thugs got closer, he sent them to the ground in no time. And Sara… Sara _was_ a freaking ninja. She had one long stick she was using very skilfully, but at some point she divided it into two – it reminded Vera painfully of Matt.

And then there was just laboured breathing and Oliver’s voice. “Everyone okay?” 

“Yep.”

“Fine here.”

“Why don’t we let the SCPD know we have a gift for-“

“Oliver, four o’clock!“ Vera blurted out.

Swish of an arrow and grunt of a man, body falling to the ground.

“Nice work, Gaia,” Sara praised her over the comms and Vera couldn’t help a small smile.

“Gaia, huh?”

“Any chance you took the fake name from a book series?” Sara teased knowingly and Vera chuckled despite the agony it caused her.

“Bullseye.”

Sara laughed too. “Knew it!”

\---

Felicity didn’t have anything else for them so far, so they headed back to the base. It probably didn’t take them long, but Felicity was so kind to provide Vera some painkillers – forbidding her to help with the aftermath of her fight with Sara – and while they were waiting for their return, Vera’s eyes were getting heavier with each second. By the time Oliver placed a kiss to Felicity’s hair instead of a greeting, she was literally dozing off.

“Hey, why don’t you go to bed? You look like you could us some sleep,” Oliver offered her subtly and Vera blinked her eyes open, licking her lips.

“And miss another bad guy with a gun you won’t notice? You need me,” she slurred and Sara snorted simultaneously with Roy. “That’s no laughing matter.”

“Of course it’s not. You did great,” Sara patted her shoulder lightly. “But you really look exhausted.”

“Sleeping means nightmares.”

Vera didn’t realize how quiet the room was until it got even quieter. She groaned, pushing herself up to her feet. 

“You’ve been having nightmares?” Felicity asked gently, appearing by her side. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Happen to have Matt’s shirt lying around somewhere? And a heater? Also, this place smells like concrete, it’s not helping,” Vera mumbled, making her way to the bed, slowly realizing what she had said. And that everyone could hear her. Shit. She massaged her forehead; the fight with Sara caught up with her too. She _had_ hit her head when she had fallen.

“No. Sorry. Do you want an extra blanket?”

“No. Thanks anyway.” She gathered the last pieces of dignity she had, trying to smile. “Thank you, Felicity. Really. I— I really appreciate you letting me stay. I’m sorry that I’m-- I’m-“

“Whatever you’re about to say, don’t bother. It’s okay.”

Vera just hummed and crumbled to the bed, barely reaching out t put away her contacts. She was out in no time. She would swear she had heard voices whisper before she did though.

_“Matt?”_

_“Ex-fiancé with recent near death experience.”_

_“Is that why she’s really here? They… broke up?”_

_“She didn’t take the fact he almost stayed in a collapsing building to save someone whose heart wasn’t even beating anymore very well. I really hope they can fix it.”_

_“He’s… she said she got involved with a vigilante.”_

_“That she did.”_

_“Oh.”_

_“You might meet him. I’m sure I’m looking forward meeting him and giving him a piece of my mind.”_

_“He’s coming here?”_

Vera didn’t hear the answer, but it didn’t matter. She was pretty sure half of the conversation was only in her head anyway.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters are getting uncomfortably long. Oops.
> 
> I tagged a Meet-cute, thinking of the Lance sisters meeting Vera this way. I feel like I really need to work on my definition of meet-cute :D 
> 
> Next time – finally the advertised Matt chapter. Angst guaranteed.


	5. Bonus: The double-F team-up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since Matt Murdock isn’t bothering picking up his phone, Felicity has no other option than calling his best friend. She finds their conversation… interesting. Foggy, on the other hand, almost has a heart attack. 
> 
> Chronologically **set somewhere during chapter 'Not so secret lair'.** (I'll set it right after I finish the fic.)
> 
> Mostly **for Crazyreader2468.**

Foggy could tell precisely that this was the ninth call since he had his 10-minutes lunch break (no time, there was no time, people were going crazy, oh my god _why_ ) and it had been twenty-second call he had received that day. He was tempted to ask Janet, his assistant, to tell people he wasn’t in the office. He hadn’t done it. Yet. He was sure he would be introducing himself in his sleep tonight.

“Franklin Nelson of Hogarth, Chao and Benowitz.”

“Good afternoon, Mr. Nelson!” cheerful female voice greeted him and Foggy blinked his sleepy eyes open at that. “Am I talking to Franklin Percy Nelson, former associate with Nelson & Murdock?”

“…yes, that’s me.” Weird. Who used his full name and asked about his former place of employment? “What can I do for you-“

“Great! I’ve been trying to get a hold of your partner— I mean, business partner-- _former_ business partner-“ the woman babbled and Foggy massaged the bride of his nose tiredly. Wow, she was a talkative one, wasn’t she? Also, totally high on caffeine, unlike him.

“Yes, you were trying to reach Matt Murdock, I understand. In regards of what exactly Ms….?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Smoak. Felicity Smoak. Former Queen’s Consolidated... technically.“

Nope, not ringing any bells. Foggy was really hoping she wasn’t some girl Matt had once gotten pregnant or something, though Matt hadn’t been getting laid as much as Foggy had once thought, and it would be weird anyway, he was with Vera for a long time and this Felicity Smoak remembering just now that her child might be Matt’s— _anyway._ The Queen name did sound familiar, Foggy wasn’t sure why. What did that even mean, ‘technically’?

“Alright, Ms. Smoak. Why are you trying to reach Mr. Murdock? Is that about a case, or…?”

She huffed. “Okay, well. I had this whole speech of a potential case prepared… but-“ What? “You’re his friend, right? Like, best friend, I assume? Roommates in college, started a firm together and everything?”

Foggy jolted awake at that, all alarm bells in his head set off. “Look, Ms. Smoak, I have no idea what are you-“

“He involved you into his darkest secrets right?”

Shit, shit, SHIT. What was this? Were villains hiring chatty blondes – Foggy was sure the woman was blond, he didn’t know why, it didn’t matter – as their assistants now? Was this Fisk? Someone else?

“Alright, I’m hanging up now-“ he said firmly, trying to hide his panic, his heart hammering in his chest. Shit he needed to talk to Matt ASAP.

“Wait! This isn’t about it, I swear and I’m not trying to threaten you, or blackmail you or something like that!” she blurted out, making Foggy hesitate. She sounded genuine. Perhaps hanging up wasn’t the smartest idea in the first place…?

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you have a _minute_ to explain yourself.”

“If he’s looking for her, she’s with me.”

Of all things Foggy had expected her to say – he didn’t know what to expect, to be honest – this wasn’t it. The sentence didn’t make any sense. Was it some kind of a code?

“…what?”

“Vera.” Foggy’s heart skipped a beat when hearing Matt’s fiancée’s name. He was completely at lost. “If Matt is looking for Vera, and I assume he is-“

“Wait, hold on a second,” Foggy interrupted her, gesturing even though she couldn’t see him. “Why would Matt be looking for Vera?”

“Uhm… I would assume he still cares about her?” Miss Smoak sounded taken aback by his reaction. What?

“…yes. But Vera’s not lost…? Wait, is she?!”

“…oh. Okay. That’s… I didn’t expect this. Have you two been talking lately?” she asked, still surprised but switching into informative voice.

“…no. Things have been happening and I thought he would appreciate some alone time with his fiancée. How do you even know-“ _Vera?_

“Yeah, not anymore. As far as her left hand is concerned.”

Foggy was silent for half of a second, processing the information, until he exploded.

 _“…WHAT?!”_ Matt and Vera broke up?! Called off the engagement or whatever? What? WHAT?! What the actual-

“Wow, okay. You seem like a good guy and a trustworthy one, so let’s sum it up. Matt almost stayed behind at Midland Circle.”

Foggy knew that and he had a lot questions about that; Karen was informing him about everything that she found out about the events at Midland Circle, witnesses reports and stuff, about everyone but Matt running out of the building and a red archer and apparently a green archer getting into the building long before the explosion and— _well_.

“I’m somewhat aware of that.”

 _How are YOU aware of that? How do you even know about Matt’s extracurricular activities? Did Vera tell you? Was she now wandering the world telling the tale?_ Foggy quickly dismissed the thought, remembering how ruined she had seemed at the precinct when fighting out Trish freaking Walker knew, presumably because of Vera’s connections to Daredevil.

“Good. Well, my boyfriend convinced him to get the hell out of there in few last moments. I don’t think Vera took that information well, they probably had a very uncomfortable and very loud conversation that involved much less info than it should have, so she kind of ran away with my friends, hopped on a plane, now chilling out at our place, crying a lot and stuff. Also, she’s not wearing her engagement ring anymore.”

Foggy took a deep breath. Okay, that was _a lot_ to take in. Somehow, the fact Matt and Vera broke up seemed to be more shocking than someone else knowing Matt’s secret. Because— what the actual hell? The two were real-life lovebirds. Iconic. Ross and Rachel. Tarzan and Jane. Buffy and Angel-- okay, enough.

“The million questions I had before this phone call just doubled, now including ‘how the hell do you know each other’, ‘who are you’, ‘who are your friends’, ‘are you talking about the two guys with bows and arrows’ and et cetera et cetera, _but_ I’ll go with ‘are you saying Matt and Vera broke up?’”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying. To answer your questions, I met Vera earlier this year when I was with my boss, who happens to be my boyfriend—but not my boss anymore, technically – on a business trip in New York. Apart from other things, she helped him with his… extracurricular activities-“

Foggy’s mind was frantic, all the facts getting together, creating a blurry and crazy picture.

“So… hold on a second, you’re the archer’s sidekick?” Vera knew the archers? What the—and- ”Are you saying that your boss-“ _Oliver Queen. Billionaire. What the hell._

“Yeah, I guess you can say I am, but while this line is secure as much as I can make it secure, I would appreciate if you didn’t say that or the other thing out loud. So there’s that. The point is, apart from the obvious, these two have a misunderstanding that should be solved and since Vera doesn’t look like she’s heading back and I can’t reach Mr. Murdock, I figured you’re a way to go.”

“Okay. Wow. Okay-“ Hold on a sec. “Wait. He’s not answering Vera’s calls?”

“I don’t think she called him,” the woman admitted and Foggy was starting to get what this was about. He didn’t like it too much.

“…and she doesn’t know you’re calling me.”

“Nope.”

“Wow…. So… you want me to do what exactly?”

“I would think that’s obvious, Mr. Nelson,” she replied, back to the cheery tone. Oh boy.

“It’s… it’s Foggy.”

“Nice. I’m Felicity. The mission is to get this ship together before it sinks completely.” _Ship. Jesus. Why not go with OTP when you’re at it?_

Though Foggy would lie through his teeth if he said he never thought of them like that. Those two were made for each other and Vera definitely was the one partner Foggy approved of.

“Uhm, So you want me to talk to Vera – who probably won’t answer my call, so that’s a no – you want me to convince _Matt_ to get to wherever you are-“

“Starling City,” she supplied helpfully.

“Yeah, great, _there_ , and what? And hope they’ll make up and kiss it better?” he asked incredulously, well-aware that this was _exactly_ what the woman was asking.

“Yeah, basically. I mean, that’s the best case scenario.”

“And the worst?”

“Well, it’s not like she can throw her engagement ring to his face again-“

What. Wait, had she done that? Had she tossed the ring to his face? Oh god, Matt must have been such a mess right now. So much for giving him space to have a good time with his fiancée. She wouldn’t even have to throw anything to Matt’s face, if she had _taken off_ the ring, it had been enough, he had to be _heartbroken_.

“-and a building probably won’t fall on him, so…”

That sent Foggy’s thoughts in a whole different direction.

“I can’t believe that idiot almost stayed behind to get a building fall—… do you know why?”

He could tell she hesitated. ”Apparently, one of the ninjas was his ex and wanted him for herself and also he was feeling responsible, because his kind of people have a guilt complex and he wanted to save her…?”

Foggy broke the pen he hadn’t realized he was holding in his hand at the rush of anger in his veins. _That idiot. That dickhead. That fucking martyr._ Of course he would want to save a half-dead ex, because he doubtlessly found a way to blame himself for… whatever, he sure had found something to feel guilty about. With the way Elektra had been playing with his feelings in college, Foggy imagined she _helped_ him to make the dumbest. Decision. _Ever_.

 _“Of course._ I swear I’m going to _murder_ Elektra Natchios. And right after that, _Matt Murdock,”_ he announced darkly, slightly horrified he meant it.

If Foggy was pissed, what Vera must have been? Foggy was angry because of Matt taking insane risks, Vera might be too, but learning all this? Possibly seeing Elektra as Matt’s reason to— yeah, okay, Foggy wouldn’t blame her if she punched him and _shoved the ring down his throat_ actually.  

_Oh Matty-boy, you fucking dumbass, why do you insist on messing up the good things in your life?_

“Fine. I’ll see what I can do, okay?” Foggy exclaimed, not looking forward that at all.

Matt wouldn’t be reasonable now. He would be (hopefully) banging his head against the wall; Foggy hoped he wasn’t that stupid to be angry for Vera leaving, as in angry with _her_. Foggy didn’t know what he wanted to find – angry Matt or wrapped-in-guilt-and-misery Matt? Honestly, he didn’t want either, but he was confident Matt would be an utter mess in any case.

“Please. She might have been the one who left, but I think she regrets it, okay?” Well, that was at least something. There was hope. It was an argument he could beat Matt with if he would say there’s no way of fixing things. “She loves him.” What else was new. “I really want them to have a happy ending.”

Foggy couldn’t help but chuckle. This woman sure was special. Strange, but special. “I don’t know you, lady, but I like you.”

“Thank you!” she cheered again. “I’ll text you the address, but you can give this number to Matt and I’ll just lead him right to her. She’s not… staying at my apartment and he might have some trouble to get in, so…”

“…she’s staying in some kind of a safe-house, isn’t she?”

“Yeeeah, something like that.”

“What is my life?” Foggy wondered, trying to imagine Vera chilling in some kind of a safe-house or a secret-base. It was ridiculously easily imaginable, actually. She fitted there.

“Fabulous, Foggy. Exciting. Exhausting a little, probably. But to be fair, you might win the position of the best man on their wedding with this,” Felicity encouraged him and Foggy thought that it was nice, but they were a veeery long way from that. If them getting married was even still a possibility. “Can’t say that about me.”

“What a selfless creature you are,” Foggy mumbled, scratching his forehead.

“I really wouldn’t go that far, but it’s nice someone notices. Good luck, Foggy.”

“Yeah, thanks…” _For making me be furious with him and bullying me into talking to him._ “…thanks for the head’s up. I… I didn’t know about their… relationship status.”

“Well, I can tell for sure that they are in ‘it’s complicated’ phase right now. Goodbye,” she ended the call before he could return the sentiment.

“Bye, Felicity.”

… well. Shit. He had work to do. And it wasn’t the easiest one. In fact, it might be one of the hardest task to ever do and he was counting apologizing Karen for his drunken love confession, ending Nelson and Murdock _and_ dragging drunk Matt back to their dorm. Foggy had no idea how he would convince Matt to go after Vera and actually wouldn’t kill that fucking idiot on spot.

Best man, she said?

 _Well, fuck_. Being best man was hard.

  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I put my previous attempts together and this happened…


	6. Ain’t how you hit the mat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, this one' been ready for a while... 
> 
> Yes, some_fiction. Foggy does have his back this time :) In his very personal I-know-how-to-treat-Matt way. Greenhousenurse, the mom voice was Foggy’s :D (not Terri’s, sorry…?)
> 
> **Thank you for the comments, I know you’re with me for a long time and it really means the world to me that you are.**
> 
> Matt’s current mood like: https://thumbs.gfycat.com/MiserlyFormalIcelandichorse-max-1mb.gif (If you don’t watch Arrow, yes, that’s Oliver and Felicity, totally stole it from 3x01.)

Someone threw his covers away, the silk rustling as it fell to the floor. The motion created a small tornado, whirling up her scent again, unfairly spreading it around the room, making it faint, mixing it with the source of the sudden interruption.

It pissed Matt off. Foggy didn’t get to do that. He didn’t get to take away the pleasant heat and smell – it was nothing compared to her actual presence, it didn’t satisfied his senses half the way she would, it wasn’t even that comforting, no palpable body warmth, no sound of a heartbeat or breathing, _anything_ – but it was everything he had. And no one got to take that away from him.

He tried his best to ignore the sudden cold and wrapped his arms around the pillow, sweet scent of her hair and skin, clutching to it, because his life depended on it. 

‘ _I love you, Matt._ ’

“Get up.”

The voice sounded as if from behind glass, dull, yet angry. Almost like growling of an animal. Matt wasn’t afraid of it, but he didn’t want to listen to it. He missed a different voice – kind and loving… worried and terrified, broken-

‘ _I can’t do this, I’m sorry, I just— I can’t.’_  

No, no, no, he mustn’t cry, it would wash her away, it would be just him on the fabric like it used to be _before_ , before she came and changed the world into a _wonderful place_ , no, _no_.

“Get up, Matthew, or I swear to God.”

Matt freed the pillow from one of his arms, burying his face in it instead, covering his ear to muffle the intrusive voice. _Shut up, I need to concentrate, go away,_ he wanted to say, but he didn’t, his own voice would intrude too.

_‘I would swear you asked me to marry you, please don’t freak out-‘_

_‘And I would swear you said yes.’_

_‘I did.’_

She had agreed to marry him. She had wanted to marry him, she had loved him, she had been willing to spend the rest of her life with all the mess he was – until she hadn’t. Until he had screwed up, until he had _fucked up_ the only good thing that ever happened to him.

_Don’t cry, you fucking idiot, don’t you dare to cry._

“Fine. I’ll do the talking. I got a call from certain Felicity Smoak.”

Matt didn’t fucking care. And he had no idea who she was anyway.

“She said she found your number and tried to call you like a million times.”

Possible. Matt wouldn’t pick up his phone unless it had repeated ‘Vera’ several times – actually he was confident he would snatch for it so fast it wouldn’t even say her full name _once_. The zero hope he had still kept from smashing his useless phone against a wall – the only reason. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Anyone else.

“Anyway. She wanted me to pass on a message since she couldn’t reach you.”

Matt didn’t listen, focusing on recalling her voice. Something nice perhaps… but his mind was now like a broken record, unable to recall anything but their last conversation. The knot in his stomach clenched painfully when he thought about it as their _last_ conversation.

_‘I can’t do this, I’m sorry-‘_

Shit, he started crying.

_Jesus, Foggy, go away._

“She said she has a certain badass barista crying her eyes off staying at her place.”

Matt froze, his heart stopping, his mind returning to the mean memory, gnawing pain attacking him with no mercy. _Crying_.

_‘Vera, Vera, stop. Listen to me, please. Don’t-‘_

_‘Don’t what? I— I can’t do this, Matt.’_

_This? Them? His throat too tight to breathe at the scent of her tears._

_‘I’m sorry, Vera, I’m so sorry, please, just-“_

_Silence. Nothing but rustling of fabric, clicking of toiletries, her quick breathing, heartbeat loud and furious. Steps away. **Away from him.**_

_‘Vera, please, wait. Don’t leave, don’t— I need you-’_

_Humourless chuckle. ‘No, you— apparently, you don’t.’_

_‘Jesus Christ, Vera! You know that I do!’_

_Silence again. Shaky intake of breath. Eyelashes heavy with tears falling down.  Metal rubbing against her skin._

_Jesus, no, no, no, please-_

_Tiny clink of metal on wood. It could as well be as loud as an atomic bomb falling on Hiroshima; it certainly made the same damage._

_‘I— I don’t. Not anymore. And what **I** need is-- is to leave-‘_

_‘Where?!’ Voice no louder than a breath. No more breathing; forgetting how. Drowning._

_Please, don’t._

_‘Not sure. It’s— it’s none on your concern, Matt…. Sorry.’_

_Last attempt to gain some oxygen. Breath of life. Her. Reaching out for her warmth._

_‘Vera, stay. Please. Please, please, just stay. I’m sorry. Let me explain. Let me fix it. I’ll fix it. We’ll-‘_

_Soft sound of her hair, shake of her head, tinkling of her charms._ _His fingers only grasping air._

‘ _I can’t do this, I’m sorry, I just— I can’t.’_  

His lips started trembling and he tried to set his jaw tight to stop it. His body just refused to listen. _Fuck,_ he should have gone after her. He should have never let her leave, but should have even tied her down to keep her on place if needed, made her listen, listen to him and let him make it right. Why hadn’t he?

_Matt stood frozen in their apartment, listening to her hasty steps down the stairs, the door clicking behind her as she left the building with poorly packed backpack. He heard her dial a number, end the call before it even started and then dial another one. She must have hail a cab and get in after, because he couldn’t understand her words._

_Or maybe it was his blood roaring in his ears too loudly, the realization of what had just happened washing over him. The realization of just how bad was this was so sudden it knocked the air out of his lungs with one brutal blow to his solar plexus._

_He stood there, shocked, for minutes or maybe hours, until he forced himself to focus, pricking his ears up, expanding his senses as far as he could, searching for her voice, for a tinkle of her necklace. Nothing. His ears hurt from the overload, everything so, so loud, but muffled by his panic at the same time. Fuck, he couldn’t hear her. He couldn’t hear her, because she was gone._

_She was gone. She had left. People always left; willingly or not. Everyone had left him eventually. Why should she be different? She had left._

_He found himself hyperventilating, his knees weakening, the world swaying. He knew the feeling, the feeling of being in a vortex, losing the firm ground under his feet. His senses were all over his place, all over Hell’s Kitchen, stretched to enormous measures, pushed towards his limits and it was all for nothing; sounds, smells, tastes, heat and cold, all mingling together, creating no concrete picture. He felt dizzy, knowing it was caused by the hyperventilating, but he couldn’t make himself slow down his breathing._

_Stop! Focus! Find her!_

_Matt clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms, desperately trying to find an anchor, something to ground himself on._

_Pain. Pain in his palms. Breathe, slowly. Good. Now focus._

_Cars honking, couples arguing, drunks swearing, soft music coming from a stereo, typing on a keyboard, glass being shattered, voices, voices, voices, so many voices and none of them the right one, none of them the one he was looking for._

_His fist collided with a wall with a frustrated growl. It didn’t make him feel better. Where the hell was she? He needed to find her before— before-- before what? Before she would get on a plane to Czechia? Would she really do that? Just take a few of her things and fly home? Because it was her home, wasn’t it? Not with him, maybe never had been, but definitely not now, not when he-_

_Phone. Use your phone, you idiot._

_Matt stumbled to his nightstand, almost knocking it over, the ring clinking on the wood once more. He dialled._

_Vainly, of course. She didn’t answer it. He felt the knot in his stomach tightening, his fingers clenching around the device._

_No, no, no, come on, try again. Again._

_Nothing._

_He tried calling from his burner. Same result._

_Maybe she just didn’t have service. Or she didn’t want to talk to him now, but she would call back. She **was**_ _different_ **.** _She always had, right from the beginning. She hadn’t left him, not once, always staying despite everything. She would call him back._

_Yes, yes, she was angry with him, rightfully so, so she went to a trip, somewhere to clear her head, because she hated fighting with him, Matt hated it too, so she just went to marshal her thoughts, cool it down, before she would come back, ready to talk. They were so happy together, they clicked better than Matt could have ever imagined, one fight wouldn’t ruin that. They would sort it out. Because she would come back soon._

_Yeah? So why did she leave her engagement ring?_

_Matt gaged, his stomach rolling over, his head spinning._

_No, not possible, this wasn’t over, she was just angry for now. She would call back._

_He tried it once again, before deciding to wait for a while. He fell to the sheets, their mingled scent welcoming him, familiar, comforting. She wouldn’t just leave for good like this._

_She would call back._

_…_

_She will call back, just wait._

_…_

_Be patient. You fucked up, she needs time. She will call back._

_…_

_Please, call back._

_…_

_…_

_She won’t call back, will she?_

_…_

“…that she heard her out. Talked to certain Oliver Queen, which holy shit, that’s something, how is he even— not the point. Point is she’s staying with her. Starling City. Gave me an address, but also said she can pick you up, get you right to her.”

The flicker of hope was unfair, Matt knew it was. There was no chance of fixing this. The ring on his nightstand proved it. The silence from her lasted too long. He had fucked up. She had left. And frankly, he couldn’t blame her. He just wished she would have done it months ago, when he hadn’t been in so deeply and he hadn’t had so many memories, imaginations— god, there had been about to get married, maybe even have kids, almost bright future awaiting them.

Matt wasn’t a psychic like Terri was, but when he tried to look into his future now, he saw _nothing._ God, there had been so many situations when she could have walked away – and she really could have, no one would have doubted she had had every right. But she hadn’t. No. She had stayed. Until now. And everything had shattered in a fraction of second, just like a building had almost fallen on top of his head. As easily as snapping his fingers. As easy as her taking the ring off.

_‘That’s an engagement ring, not a wedding one, I know. But I agreed to marry you. As far as I know, there is some line about being together for better or for worse. And I’m in, for both.’_

Matt couldn’t even accuse her of lying. Couldn’t be mad at her. She had stood by his side during such shitstorms most people wouldn’t even come closer to. And she had stood right there, holding his hand gently, but tightly.

_‘You seem to struggle with acknowledging that I love you that much back though.’_

_‘It never gets less astounding.’_

_‘Feel the same way here. I guess we deserve each other after all.’_

He had never deserved her, had he? It had been just a matter of time before she would realize it. Matt had been trying very hard to prolong the period as much as possible and he had been failing colossally, absolutely pathetic. However, she had been totally oblivious to it, convincing him it hadn’t been the truth – and then it had finally hit her. For someone so brilliant, it sure had taken her long enough.

A scrap of metal against wood. Matt tensed.

How dared he? How dared he to touch it?! Tsunami of anger hit Matt, breaking through the numbness and emptiness with shocking intensity. No one would touch that ring. No one but her.

Foggy’s palm hit the pillow, leaving the ring right next to Matt’s head, exposing it to whole world. So close Matt could touch it. He would have run his fingers over it so many times, feeling it on her hand, letting himself _touch_ the fact she had loved him and she had agreed to stay tied to him. Now what was the ring when it just lied on his pillow? Cold. Worthless. Just a thin piece of metal.

Matt wanted to scream.

“Fix it, Murdock.”

_‘Murdock_.’ She should have been ‘Murdock’.

Matt did scream to the pillow. Maybe he if screamed long enough, no molecule of oxygen in his body left, he would suffocate and meet her on the other side. Good, that sounded _good_.

“Fuck, Matt. I say FIX IT, before it’s too late.”

_‘Too late.’_ Matt tasted bile in his mouth, panic taking over him again, the pillow with her scent to savour soaked with his tears. Shit, he couldn’t breathe.

Foggy’s hand took the ring, hiding it again; Matt’s own hand made a beeline for his friend’s wrist before he could retrieve.

“Don’t touch it,” he growled, the weak pathetic noise muffled by the wet fabric.

_“Jesus,_ Matt.”

Matt didn’t let go of him.

“Let go,” Matt snarled, turning his face towards the daring bastard.

“No,” the man shot back firmly. “I won’t. Not until you earn it, not until you promise me you’ll fix it.”

“There’s nothing to fix!” Matt exploded, sitting up harshly, nails digging into Foggy’s skin. The moment the words left his mouth, it was like it got real. The possibility of accepting it, the fact she was truly gone… it crushed his soul, making him want to curl up in a ball and die. _Nothing to fix._ Nothing, nada. _Nic_. “Don’t you get it? She’s _gone.”_

Matt wasn’t sure if he was trying to explain it to Foggy or to himself.

“No, she’s not. She’s in Starling City. She’s not even over the ocean. Yet.”

Matt had no clue what to say to this. After not hearing from her… he had thought she was already back in Europe, no matter her stuff in their— _his_ apartment. But Foggy wiped that away, giving him new false hope. Still, just the idea of her possible departure so far away made his insides twist painfully all over again; far away, out of his reach. But she already was, wasn’t she? Even if she would be standing right next to him, it wouldn’t make a difference. She didn’t belong to him anymore. She never had, not really.

“And you, Matthew Michael Murdock, are going to get off your sorry fucked up ass, get it to Starling City and you’re going to fix this, because she’s the best fucking thing that ever happened to you.”

“She is. She _was_. It’s beyond repair,” he rasped, his own words hurting him, twisting the knife in his chest. Jesus _fucking_ Christ, he would take a blade sticking out of his chest over _this_ any time, that would be quick at least, but this, this was so, so excruciatingly slow, like a poison sneaking through his veins to his heart and he could feel every drop of it quietly killing him.

He was honestly grateful he was blind and couldn’t have _seen_ her turning her back to him in colours.

He thought Foggy raised an eyebrow. “That’s bullshit, for one. And for two, I don’t remember the idea of something being impossible stopping you before. It’s not like she’s dead.”

“She-“ God, he hit a new bottom, didn’t he, he couldn’t even make himself say _her name_ , “she said— she-“

“What did Vera say?” Foggy asked bluntly, making Matt wince.

_‘Vera, Vera, stop. Listen to me, please. Don’t-‘_

“She said she can’t do this anymore.”

“Well, she’s entitled,” Foggy stated matter-of-factly and Matt squeezed his eyes shut. Yeah, he knew that, _thank you for your input_. “’cause let me tell you, Murdock, you really, _really_ fucked up this time and I’m pretty pissed myself.”

“So why are you here?” Matt strained through his teeth, getting irritated.

_Why was Foggy here?_ To give him false hope? To make him feel worse? To disturb his mourning? Well, mission accomplished. He could get the fuck out now.

“Because, my friend, _this_ is not the end. You break something, you fix it. You get knocked down, you get up. That’s what you do. Honestly? I think Vera is a fucking badass. You know why? Because she has been keeping you – and you two – together. Sure, you saved her multiple times and I’m not playing it down, but that’s almost implied with you, oh big Daredevil. However – you get kidnapped? She finds notes on the internet, making me to help her check the last place where you’ve been seen. She gets the freaking Avengers together. She gets her life threatened unless she lets you go by your freaky ninja master? Boom, she’s not going anywhere. You disappear for three months and I’m not handling things? Well, boohoo, Nelson, get your shit together for your friend. She waits for you. She’s afraid you’re gonna die? She calls a freaking back-up and she goes with you. She’s one hell of a fighter, just like you, except you use your fists and she uses her heart… and a bit of fists too. The important thing is that _she_ _fights for you.”_

Something in Matt’s throat was too tight. He couldn’t talk. “Not anymore,” he choked out, feeling strange numbness in his fingertips, waves of nausea attacking him.

Foggy was absolutely right, Matt knew that. _Of course he knew that_. She was his base. She was the base and the top of a skyscraper at the same time and everything in between. She was home. She was— she _had been_. Not anymore.

“You’re right. She used to. Now she doesn’t.”

“Which is where _you_ step in, you dumbass!” Foggy reached for his hand harshly, tugging his loosely clenched fist open. He shoved the ring in it. Matt couldn’t recall letting go of him in the first place. “She’s only human too. I know you love her and you probably think she’s some kind of a demi-god, which frankly, I’m not sure you’re wrong, but even those can run out of steam. Your turn. You’ve been fighting your whole life. Now go fucking fight for something that really matters.”

The metal was warm on his palm, savouring Foggy’s heat. Matt closed his eyes, gulping. His trembling fingers carefully enclosed the second most precious thing he knew, the thing that might provide hope.

“You— you really think-“

“Yes, Matt, I really think you should get to Starling as fast as possible. Because Vera is always willing to fight for you two. She just needs a little effort from you now.”

“What if she isn’t willing anymore? She hasn’t returned my calls. What if-“ he whimpered, desperate not to give in to the hope, because he was at the bottom and he couldn’t-- he didn’t think it was possible for the hole to dig deeper, but if he would come to her – begging, begging like he had been when she had been leaving, _god, this hurts, her walking away_ – if he would come to her and she would say ‘ _no’_ , he wouldn’t get up. He would be just lying there at the bottom, waiting for someone to pile up earth on his corpse.

“Screw ‘ _what if’._ It also can be _what if_ you stayed here while she would be willing not to give up and you would ruin the last chance you have to actually be happy by doing nothing. Now get up and take a shower, you look terrible. And set a meeting with a razor, this almost-beard doesn’t suit you.”

Matt sucked in some air into his aching ribcage, pushing up – he almost fell back onto the mattress. Foggy caught his arm reflexively.

“Whoa, buddy, you okay? What was the last time you ate or drank?” Foggy demanded, worry creeping into his voice.

Honestly, Matt had no idea. What day was today? He was pretty sure he had had some water when Oliver and his friend had brought him home. When that had been?

“Jesus, Murdock… okay. Drink first. Then shower. I’ll get you something to eat. Sounds good? Come on…”

Foggy helped him to the couch, not allowing him to sit down – only to rest against the backrest – getting him a glass of juice. Matt didn’t even realize how thirsty he was. He hadn’t been paying attention to such pettiness. Vera was gone. And he couldn’t decide what was worse – when he had thought she had died because of him, or when she had walked away completely from her own will? He didn’t dwell on solving the dilemma – both left him with a hole in his gut and chest, aching and aching…

He drank the juice in one go.

“Good Matty-boy.”

Matt didn’t manage a smile; he managed another important thing though. “Thank you, Fog.”

Foggy shrugged and Matt could hear he was smiling for both of them, even when Matt sensed agitation in his voice too. “Hey, what are friends for?”

The metal of Vera’s ring still burned in his hand. He gulped, unclenching his fist, palm up in Foggy’s direction. “Hold— hold this for me?” he whispered timidly.

Foggy reached for the ring and Matt almost closed his fist again, not actually wanting to let it go despite his own request.

“Not for you, buddy. For Vera.”

Matt breathed in shakily, eyes rolling up. “Yeah,” he rasped. “For Vera.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I partly forgave Foggy for his behaviour in the Defenders. Still don’t like Karen. Well.   
> I was writing down how the call between Foggy and Felicity went too, but it kept turning out weird – would you be interested in reading that? I can work on it. 
> 
> Is Matt at least a little forgiven? I mean, he acknowledges his error (capital E), even in front of Foggy, which I call personal growth. And despite the fact that he’s scared (Man Without Fear, my ass), he’s going to put his heart on the line…. I was thinking about him beating shit out of people and things, but I decided for this. I think he would get to the I’m-angry-with-the-whole-world-let’s-smash phase together with leave-me-alone, because that’s he deals with stuff, but right now, he feels abandoned and tired of everything, and despite not liking it and fighting it, he still hopes; the moment he would come to conclusion there’s no hope left, he would switch coping mechanisms. Just to my defence :))
> 
> P.S. - This chapter was supposed to be like really angsty, but I was reading it over and I reached the part where Foggy says to Matt “You get knocked down, you get up (again),” and I burst out laughing, because I remembered the video ‘Daredevil gets knocked down’. If you haven’t seen it yet, give it the few minutes. It’s just the combination of the song and the show itself. Omg. Match made in funhouse, really.


	7. What I didn't need to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> …aka you’ve gotta be kidding me, the world can’t be that small. Laurel’s POV with a switch to Felicity’s. Balancing all the testosterone around.

Her day was crazy. She hadn’t taken a moment to breathe in properly since morning, a half-drank mug of cold coffee _somewhere_ between the stock of papers – weren’t they living in the digital age? – her phone ringing off the hook. She couldn’t resist and banged her forehead against one of the pile, when the phone rang again and no one was around.

Had everyone gone completely insane? At least this time it was _her_ phone. She didn’t even check the ID.

“Laurel Lance speaking.”

“Hey, sis. Something tells me you need a hero to take you to lunch,” Sara’s cheerful voice sounded from the other end of the line and Laurel smiled automatically. Despite all the shit her sister had been through… she could have warmth and joy in her voice when it came to people she cared for.

Laurel didn’t know why Sara had come back yesterday just yet, but she was grateful. Maybe she would learn today, since there would be no more surprises like a stranger at Oliver’s secret base. Her smile faltered slightly as she remembered the girl – looking at her when the team left, she seemed exhausted, not just physically. Laurel hadn’t learnt many details, but Felicity had mentioned calling off an engagement with her vigilante boyfriend and him almost dying. That was rough. The fact she had been attacked somewhere where she was supposed to be save probably hadn’t helped.

“Laurel?”

“Sorry, sorry. Yes. I’m zoning out, I’m no good here anyway.”

“Waiting outside,” Sara announced and Laurel rolled her eyes, grinning.

“Of course you are.”

They walked – Laurel needed to stretch her legs a little and she needed as long lunch break as possible, because otherwise she would go crazy in work. And ever since they had somehow solved out the awkward and painful love triangle, spending time with Sara was the bright part of her life.

Laurel was just complaining about the jerk who was calling her today just to keep pranking her – because that was what she had time for, right – when she saw the man. He was standing in front of the bakery across the street, pulling out a phone from the pocket of his coat. There was no reason for that catching her attention, unless she was an ableist; he was holding a long white cane, his eyes hidden behind round red glasses, which probably meant he was blind. But he looked familiar.

Laurel didn’t like secrets and mysteries, she hated the feeling of having something on the tip of her tongue, unable to grasp it. She stopped dead in her tracks, shamelessly staring. Where did she know him from? She really hated being an ableist, but the fact he was blind was the only significant feature she was sure of. Blind, blind, blind…

“Laur-“

“Oh,” Laurel let out, shocked. She _did_ know him. From her time at Columbia University, where she had spent two months thanks to her exchange scholarship. She would never expect him to meet him here of all places _. “Matt?”_

She would swear the man winced as she said his name, Sara following her gaze. “Laurel? You okay?”

There was no way she was letting him flee. She grabbed Sara’s hand, fighting her way through to him. He was still on the phone, not talking, only frowning – whatever the other person was saying, he didn’t like it. The closer she was getting to him, the more sure she was. Yes, this was the very man she had met during her time at Columbia. The charming man she had had a crush on for like a month. And then they had kissed and she had been head over heels. First guy after Oliver – well, after _Tommy_ – that actually enchanted her. It hadn’t lasted – but it was what helped her to move on.

“Excuse me,” Laurel approached him, unsure if she should touch him to let him know she meant him. He tilted his head, his hand with the phone retreating from his ear.

“Are you talking to me?” he asked unsurely.

Laurel smiled widely. Yep, she knew that voice. The crack in it was unfamiliar, he sounded a little on the edge, but yes.

“You wouldn’t happen to be Matt Murdock? Studied law at Columbia University?”

He shoved the phone back to his pocket, face focused. “Laurel? Laurel Lance?”

“That would be me. Fancy meeting you here, Mr. Murdock,” she exclaimed, lightly resting her hand on his forearm.

Small smile spread on his lips. It was an inconspicuous thing, maybe even sad, but it was there. His features were worn out. She remembered he had used to smile a lot – he had a very cute smile, the kind of smile that lighted up the room – especially when his friend had been around. What was his name? She was sure it was something ridiculous, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Again. She really was working too much. _Dammit, Laurel._

His hand covered hers. “Always ‘Matt’, Ms. Lance. Until I’m grey,” he reassured her, corners of his lips rising a little higher.

“Well, that’s firstly very hypocritical, since you’re calling me my last name, and secondly, maybe you already are and no one dared to tell you,” she teased and Sara cleared her throat. Laurel shot her a look, noticing her eyebrow was up in silent question, lips pressed together as if she was trying not to laugh.

“Is there someone with you who feels neglected?” he wondered smoothly and Laurel laughed. He might not be smiling now, but some things apparently didn’t change.

“Yes. I’m Sara Lance, Laurel’s sister.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Uhm-“

“Yeah, she’s my sister. Miracles happen, apparently.” He looked like he mouthed _I hope so_ , but she couldn’t be sure. “Sara, this is Matt Murdock, a brilliant mind I met during my exchange scholarship at Columbia University. Matt, this is my sister, Sara.”

Matt let go of Laurel’s hand in favour to shake it with Sara. “Nice to meet you, Sara.”

“Likewise,” Sara hummed, watching him thoughtfully. “Are joining us for lunch?”

Laurel shot her surprised look. Well, it had occurred to her, but she didn’t expect her sister to be the one to actually ask.

Matt seemed taken aback too, uselessly opening his mouth and closing it.

“Come on, I bet you’re a big busy lawyer, but can’t you spend an hour with an old friend? Please, Matt?” Laurel bargained. His smile was tight.

“I’m here for a personal matter, actually,” he shifted uncomfortably. Sara made a small choked noise next to her. Laurel frowned.

“Uhm… would it happen to be with someone you were on a phone with earlier? Or you couldn’t reach them which it looked like when I’m thinking about it now?”

“Are spying on me, miss Lance?”

“What can I say. Couldn’t take my eyes off you once I spotted you.”

The choked noise from Sara was more distinctive now.

“I guess I can spare half an hour,” he admitted with a defeated sigh. Somehow, the defeat felt more crushing than it should.

The moment they seated themselves in an Italian restaurant, Sara attacked. “So, Matt… you’re a lawyer, huh?”

“Uhm, yes. Defense attorney, actually.”

“In New York City?”

“Yeah. I’m… the city has something that can’t let go of my heart,” he replied with a tight smile. He didn’t look very comfortable.

“Feel the same way about Starling,” Laurel joined the conversation before Sara could shoot another question. Sara was scanning Matt, examining. Laurel wasn’t sure why, but it was like Matt could feel it, because he was stiff; he had always seemed perceptive, so it was not out of question. “So what you’ve been up to? I know you wanted to be an attorney, glad that worked out.”

“Yeah, yeah, it did. Uhm… we actually opened a practise with Foggy-“ _Aha!_ She knew the name of his friend was weird somehow. “-lasted for a while, but it didn’t work out as much as we wanted. He left to another firm. I’m independent now.”

“Taking care of small men,” Laurel guessed and that managed to create an honest smile on Matt’s lips. Not quite shining, but honest.

She remembered he was an idealist; they both wanted to see justice being done, but while Laurel lately wanted to make sure the criminals got what they deserved, Matt stuck with what she had been doing in CNRI – helping people, who got into law trouble often without being guilty of something.  

“Trying my best. What about you? The other side of the barricade?”

“Yep. District attorney.”

The waiter brought their food, wishing bon apetit. Laurel thanked him, wishing he vanished soon.

“Congratulation. You deserve the best, Laurel,” Matt offered gently, still under Sara’s inquisitive gaze.

“Thank you, Matt. I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Foggy.”

He shrugged. “It was my fault. I needed to make a choice and I understand why he couldn’t accept it. Sometimes… sometimes even when you try your best it’s not enough,” his voice fell into a whisper, carefully hidden pain behind each word.

Laurel knew how that went, there had been a time she had been hiding it too. It was something they had in common – they might have been in different stages of grieving when they had met, but they both knew it never really went away. She heard the melancholic weepy note in his voice that most people wouldn’t pick up on.

“So, I gotta ask. What brought you to Starling?” Sara interrupted the short silence that followed, sounding impatient, ignoring her food.

“Like I said, it’s a… a personal matter.”

The question clearly upset him. Laurel kicked Sara under the table. Sara raised her index finger, _wait for it_.

“I assume it’s about a girl.” Laurel’s eyes went wide and she kicked her harder. _What the hell, Sara?!_

“You assume right. And I don’t want to be rude, but I’m afraid that it’s none of your business,” he replied, coldly polite.

“Of course,” Laurel hurried, shooting Sara a murderous look; she grinned in return. But Matt wasn’t just upset now, he was irritated too.

“Sure, but we can take you to Vera if you want,” Sara dropped the bombshell and Laurel held her breath as Matt seemed to turn into a statue.

Wait, what? What?!

Sara was smiling victoriously, enjoying Matt’s blank expression. He looked… busted? Really?! Vera? The girl from the bunker— she was from New York City, wasn’t she? They _had_ talked about ‘Matt’. She had reacted strangely when Laurel had told her she was a lawyer. Holy. Shit.

“I’m not sure what-“

“Oh, come on, cut the shit. Your poker face is terrible. You sure he’s a lawyer?” Sara demanded, turning to Laurel and Laurel just managed to stare.

But… they had talked about a vigilante too. Matt couldn’t be a vigilante. He was _blind_. They had been together long enough for him to let her see his eyes; they were unfocused. He _was_ blind. There was no way he could be dressing in a costume, beating up bad guys at night.

But then again, was there anything impossible these days? Apparently, there were ninja cults and mirakuru soldiers. And the fact Matt, a lawyer from New York City, pretty athletic and ripped by the way, a person she knew had a very strong feeling of justice, was here for a personal matter, conveniently after Vera appeared and he reacted to her name the way he reacted…

“Holy shit,” she breathed out _. “Is any of my exes not running around taking down criminals?!”_

Matt licked his lips nervously, unable to deny anything.

“I _knew_ you two had a thing! Of course you had. Now come on, Laurel. That’s two. It’s not too bad-“

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Matt protested weakly and seriously, Laurel wouldn’t believe a word he said, even though she still couldn’t wrap her head around this revelation.

“Okay, Matt. Let’s get these to go and take you to your fi— friend.”

Matt gulped, paling, but nodded.

So much for no more surprises.

 

**\---**

Felicity was honestly on edge. Between her recently gained friend who had gotten _beat up_ in a secret vigilante basement, her newly formed relationship (oh god, finally), Sara back in town and her _exclusive_ job, she liked to think she was entitled.

The fact she was dealing with all the impatient customers was not helping and when she eventually took a break, she found like ten missed calls from Matt Murdock.

“Dammit!” she hissed at the phone, resisting the urge to bang her head against the table.

She had called him after Oliver had talked to Vera. Honestly, Felicity thought Vera sincerely regretted her decision, while still being on edge and trying to justify it and beat herself over it at the same time. After talking to Oliver, who had shared his own opinion with Felicity, she hadn’t hesitated and had found Matt Murdock’s number. Not that he had bothered to answer his phone. It had taken her several tries until she had realized he probably hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone. So she had found his former law partner and used him as a messenger. Foggy Nelson had texted her that Matt was a mess, but apparently decided to put up a fight for his relationship with Vera.

Then, of course, Felicity had entered the bunker only to find out Sara was back and had had a fist and sole chat with Vera, both thinking the other one had been an intruder. Which would be kinda funny if Sara wasn’t highly trained member of The League of Assassins and Vera, who might be broken inside, wasn’t a fierce fighter too. Apparently, there had been a gun involved too. Felicity was trying to imagine herself explaining that to a vigilante she had never met, probably making him angry only by knowing his identity, and all of these imaginations went really swimmingly.

Before she could call Murdock back, she had another incoming call. Sara.

“What’s wrong?” Felicity blurted out. Sara Lance aka the Canary calling her in the middle of the day? That just couldn’t be good. Exactly what she needed right now.

“You’re at work?” Sara pried, sounding casually, causing Felicity to frown. Was this a _social call?_

“Uhm… yes. On my break. But honestly, if this isn’t urgent, I really have some things to do-”

“Like calling a certain lawyer, who happened to had a thing with my sister during her time at Columbia Uni and now is in Starling for a personal matter? We’ll be with you in two,” Sara rattled on cheerfully and it took Felicity a minute of standing and listening to the deaf phone to realize what Sara implied.

“Oh. _Oh._ ”

She walked behind the counter again, scanning the shop. They were indeed coming in. Laurel, Sara and… someone in red round glasses she had seen in multiple newspaper articles. The one Matt Murdock. Well, shit.

Felicity made her way to them.

“Hey, guys. How-“ She glanced her boss peripherally, cursing mentally. “-how can I help you?”

The man frowned. Felicity knew he was blind just like she knew his other senses were enhanced; she wondered if he was scanning her somehow and the idea made her heart jump. Seeing was believing.

He opened his mouth, but Laurel, who noticed Felicity’s gaze, beat him to it.

“Yes. We have something that needs repair. Could you please point us the right direction?” she asked brilliantly and Felicity smiled.

“Of course, follow me. My name is Felicity and I’m here to help you with any issue you have.”

Ghost of a relieved smile appeared on the _ridiculously attractive man’s_ lips and he gripped Laurel’s arm tighter as they followed her to the back.

“Huh. Good. I’m sorry. Felicity Smoak, nice to meet you. I believe you’re Mr. Murdock?”

“Yes, that would be me. Pleasure’s all mine. It’s Matt,” he introduced himself in soft voice, strange edge in it. Felicity didn’t blame him. She accepted his hand.

“Alright. I’m not sure how did you all get together, but I’m glad you did. I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls. It’s just… _work_. I guess you can’t wait me to take you to her?”

Matt grimaced. “That would be my preference. But I believe that I can wait until you finish work? Unless you know about… about _Vera_ having a fleeing tendency?” 

No one dared to comment his voice breaking on her name.

“Yeaaah, I don’t think so. She’s in the Arrow cave,” Sara announced, biting her lip. “And there’s something you need to know.”

Matt had been very pale by the time he entered the shop. Now he was white as sheet of paper. “What is it?”

“She’s… hurt,” Laurel offered cautiously as she realized what Sara was talking about. It made Matt to grip his cane tighter.

“I figured,” he choked out and Felicity understood what he probably assumed.

“Yeah, not that kind of hurt. I mean, yeah, that too, but I think there’s a solid chance to fix that, otherwise I wouldn’t call, she’s probably going to kill me for giving her hideout away, but… like physically hurt too.”

“Hurt _how?”_

“Bruised ribs. Two cuts on her throat. I think she hit her head too and her abdomen isn’t peachy either. Nothing compared to the scar from the Chaste though,” Sara listed matter-of-factly and Felicity shot her a look.

Matt turned into a stone.

“The— The Chaste? How do you-“ he stuttered, taking several steps back, breaking himself from Laurel. “She wouldn’t tell you that.”

“Probably not, unless we had a conversation about deadly ancient organizations together with Roy. The thing is, I’m pretty much a member of The League of Assassins, but you don’t need to worry about that. It’s just for you to know why I know things. Felicity and Laurel have nothing to do with this – I came back to town, to the bunker, and found an intruder. I was protecting Oliver’s secret and she wasn’t willing to answer any questions, doing the same. We fought. I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

His knuckles turned white, his jaw set very tight, but he didn’t snap. Yet. He took several deep breaths, obviously forcing himself to relax. Felicity respected him enormously for that; she suspected he had a temper, being a guy who beat up criminals on the streets. Jesus, he was _blind_ , she would never get over that.

“Okay. Other than the injuries you named… is she okay? How is she doing?”

“Crying a lot. Lacks good night sleep. Asked me the other night for your shirt and a heater when I offered my help with her nightmares, she was a little out. Yet vigilant enough to notice a shooter on a footage and warn Oliver.”

“Healthy and capable enough to put up one hell of a fight. Loyal to keeping  secrets. She gave up your first name when under meds, but by accident really, nothing incriminating. You taught her well,” Sara praised with a relieved smile.

His lips twitched too, his expression softening. “That’s mostly her.”

Sara just nodded, approving. “I like him. Even when he’s with The Chaste.”

“I’m not. I never wanted that.”

“They hurt her to get to you, didn’t they?”

“Yes. I left to prevent further damage.”

“Something tells me it didn’t really work,” Sara noted, his expression enough on an answer.

“No. She attracts trouble. Me included.”

“And Oliver Queen, apparently. Alright, guys. I gotta go back to work. Matt, it’s depends on you, you can wait, but Sara and Laurel can take you to the bunker too. Or would you like to talk to Oliver first?”

“Is there any point in it?”

Felicity had honestly no idea. She shrugged. “He talked to her about you. Told her what happened. So I don’t know, maybe. They can give you his number. I gotta run before my boss strangles me.”

She spun on her heels, surprised when strong hand caught her gently. She turned back to him, curious.

“Thank you, Ms. Smoak. For taking her in… taking care of her… and— and for calling me. I’m never gonna-“

“Be able to pay me back? I’m sure that’s not true. And she’s great, it’s a pleasure, really.  Plus, you know, I’m a fan of the whole vigilante finding love thing. Just… try to make it right, okay? I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.”

The corners of his lips rose high. _“Thank you…_. You’re right, they are looking for you already. Someone says you’re lucky you’re so good at your job.”

Her eyes went wide. _Yep, seeing is believing._ And _shit_ , she really needed to go. “See you later! Maybe!”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of a filler chapter, but then again, there isn’t much plot in general, so….
> 
> There has been more than a fair share of Vera interacting with guys chapters. Fixed it :D
> 
> I totally wanted Laurel Lance and Matt to have a history. They wouldn’t be a bad match, especially later when Laurel becomes the Black Canary. Vigilante lawyers. Murlance. It’s a thing. I would write them if I had any concrete ideas about them, but I’ll settle just for reading the few works there are out there.


	8. The vigilante bro code

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...aka ‘if there is a woman my fellow vigilante friend is looking for and for a good reason, my duty is to report her, even against her will’. Vera’s POV. Also, Oliver being a total show-off.

Waking up tired and with a headache was apparently the new black. And honestly? It sucked. The constant feeling of loneliness wasn’t comforting either. Despite meeting the Lance duo the previous night – and _that_ explained why not only her head, but also her body was aching, Vera had been fighting a ninja _again_ –, despite having Felicity, Oliver and Roy around… she was lonely.

Vera missed her best friend, she missed her parents (who she hadn’t talked to for a while, she was a terrible daughter, another thing to put on her list of things why she was a terrible person), she missed her brother and her friends from Czechia. She loved each of these people in a different way and they loved her too and it was a feeling of being loved that she selfishly missed the most. Of course, being loved in that one particular way, being with Matt, that she missed too. A lot.

She rolled over and whined into the pillow. Fuck her life.

Vera forced herself to get up and let her mum know she was… okay and that she was staying at friend’s in Starling City and she would skype her soon. Which was a terrible lie, Vera couldn’t see herself hiding something as big as a fucking break-up with her fiancé from her parents when talking to them, she just couldn’t pretend everything was fine, _but_ she had to promise to call soon, otherwise her mum would be the one making the call first, possibly much sooner than Vera would be ready. And declining was like a death sentence with a cross examination preceding it.

She checked the damage on her body when taking a shower – few spectacular bruises were forming at her abdomen, several scratches on her arms and in the mirror – tiny one, but still present – she could see the wonderful colour blue on her lower back and a shade of grey below her eye. At least her throat didn’t look too bad when she took the bandage off; considering she had had a blade at it, it could be worse. Her throat could have been slit.

Vera threw a question about everyone’s well-being into their group-chat with Anna, Marky and Jitka, hoping to learn some good news for a change. Instead of waiting for a response, she went to a store. She should be eating. It was just something she kept forgetting, she wasn’t really hungry, and when she was, she snatched a snack from Oliver’s stock and sometimes ordered takeout. She had made precisely one hunt for food so far, honestly wanting to go to a store – instead, she had discovered a tiny corner shop and decided to do her small purchase there. She did the same today too.

When she returned, she was surprised to find Oliver in.

“Oh. Hey Oliver,” she greeted him, attempting a smile, maybe even succeeding.

He looked up from the screen. “Hi. Shopping trip?”

Vera shrugged. “When I was in med school, they said something about needing food to function? I guess I remembered something… no wait, I’m pretty sure I know this from kindergarten.”

Oliver raised his eyebrow. “Is that sarcasm I’m hearing? Humour?”

Vera couldn’t help it. She smiled. “I can do that occasionally.”

“Well, do it more often.”

“I’ll try,” she mumbled as she set down her backpack, fishing up a flapjack. Her nutrition plan was terribly imbalanced, she was well-aware. Momentarily? She didn’t care.

“How are you doing? You’re hurting from the fight with Sara?” he asked all of sudden, concerned.

Vera blinked in surprise. She shouldn’t have been surprised he was so attentive… but she was. Then again, maybe the bruise on her face was more distinctive than she had thought.

“Uhm… a little sore, yeah.”

“Do you want some more painkillers? We run a little pharmacy here. Painkillers are our specialty. From aspirins to oxycodone.”

Vera’s jaw slightly dropped. “Good stuff.”

“Good stuff,” Oliver agreed, nodding. “Want some?”

Vera huffed out a laugh – which _ouch_ , such a bad idea. Ribs. And her head. “It’s not that bad. I’ll settle for aspirin. Or two. Or three. I’ll look into it.”

Oliver handed her the right box with a smile and Vera downed two pills after some thorough reading. Two were a little much for a girl of her built, but she didn’t think her liver of kidneys would fail. She was pretty confident one pill wouldn’t do this time.

Since Oliver returned to his work, she ate her improvised brunch, returning to her phone. No one had answered her. Damn.

“You mind if I train a little?”

Vera looked up from the screen. “Huh? No.” Actually… “You mind me watching?”

“No, I guess.”

“I would ask you to teach me something, but…”

“But?” he question. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Really? Well, the thing is, the drugs are barely settling in, I have no idea how you guys are moving around when you’re hurt.”

“Right. Maybe you should have taken something stronger.”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s just a headache and… every-ache,” Vera summed it up truthfully, earning a grimace from Oliver. “Make the training look cool enough and I’m sure I’ll forget about my pain.”

The archer laughed and didn’t try to convince her further. “Okay.”

He changed into workout clothes, not really having any shame in front of her – then again, she _had_ seen him without pants already, so they were somehow past that. Still. The situation was different now.

He did some jogging and jumping to warm himself up before heading to the strange construction. Vera had checked it out before, having only a vague idea of how was it supposed to work. It was a horizontal bar, sure, but it was moveable up or down – and there were too many dents to just set it somewhere and leave it there. Which meant-

Oliver made the first— chin-up-jump? Vera was speechless. Because… _wow_. And the man just continued making his way up as if it took no effort.

“Okay, that’s really cool. _Jesus,”_ Vera breathed, awed. And slightly dizzy. She didn’t know if it was the drugs of what was happening in front of her. Probably a little bit of both.

Oliver jumped down with the bar, landing rather gracefully. “Felicity likes this one.”

“Understandable.”

“You want to try? It’s basically just a chin-up with-”

“This? Nooo way,” Vera protested immediately. “It looks like you need to use _arms-“_ She pointed out her biceps and triceps that remained rather weak even with all fit-box training; in Czechia, her kind of arms was called _toothpicks_ , “and abdominal and intercostal muscles a lot, so…”

“Got it. Your choice.”

He repeated the exercises three times before moving to something else. And the something else meant taking two billy clubs – longer than Vera was used to, so that was something at least – making several sequences of hits, aimed at different bars hanging from the ceiling. Vera just managed to stare. Again.

Also, her ears hurt a little, but she was rather fascinated. And it made her a little sad. Still, she couldn’t tear her eyes away.

“Holy— _how_ are you so fast?” she asked when he made a pause and the metallic sounds faded.

“Training,” he said with a shrug as if it was easiest thing in the world. Vera fought the urge to roll her eyes.

“They are pretty long. I mean, I’ve seen shorter in action enough, but…”

Oliver blinked, suddenly looking guilty. “Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t have try the sticks, that was-“

“Hey. I’m the one who’s watching, I could have just look away… and cover my ears,” she admitted and he closed his eyes, pressing his lips together tightly.

“I’m really sorry. This is ending. Now.”

“You don’t have to-“ she started, but he was already putting the billy clubs away, moving on.

And boy, what kind of a move-on it was.

“You’re joking,” Vera exclaimed, staring at the wall. There was an arrow. In a tennis ball. Pinning it to the wall. Oliver smirked and another ball joined it as the machine had fired, Oliver’s arrow following it in a lighting speed. “How?!”

“You can try,” Oliver offered with a grin. “This one could be gentle for your injuries.”

“You’re saying it like I can barely walk… I’m just pathetic,” Vera murmured, but actually considered his offer. She _did_ admire archery, always had. Hell, it was the reason she liked Hawkeye. Apart from other things. “Okay, gimme.”

“Yeeeah, not this bow.”

“Why-“ she asked, taking it from him. She tried to stretch the bowstring. With no result. “Ughhh, _how_ are you doing it? It doesn’t move an inch!”

“I think it did… an inch,” he noted kindly, taking his weapon of choice back. He was making it look so easy! To be fair, he did have rather impressive arms compared to hers. Like… really impressive. “But I’ll give you another one, hold on a sec.”

Vera accepted the bow he handed her; she could tell immediately it was a better choice for her, if only for being lighter. The bowstring didn’t move exactly easily, but at least it visibly stretched.

“Much better. Thanks. You don’t expect me to shoot a ball, do you? They are _moving._ ”

“All of my targets usually move.”

Oh boy. Oliver Queen was cocky. Why wasn’t she surprised?

“Well, good for you, Robin Hood, but I’m not planning on shooting people any time soon, so…”

Oliver disappeared to the back – Vera remembered he had actual targets there – and returned with one, installing it about ten meters from her.

“Alright, Merida,” he returned her teasing and Vera chuckled. “Let me show you how it’s done. We’ll skip the part in which you’re hitting water in a bowl.”

“The what part?”

\---

Vera wasn’t surprised she found herself having fun. Oliver was a good teacher, patient. Maybe he was like that for her benefit only, but she wouldn’t be the one to point it out. He fixed her stance, instructed her to brush her hand on the bowstring against her cheek when aiming; he wasn’t doing it anymore, but for a beginner, it was the way to go. Vera was delighted when she managed to hit the circle for the first time, even when it was only at the edge.

But they didn’t quit there.

“Hey! Nice! Bulls-eye!” Oliver called out, sounding genuinely pleased.

“Yeah, that was just a good luck.”

“No, you’re a quick study,” he protested with a proud smile. Vera wouldn’t admit it, but that was definitely a blush on her cheeks at the praise.

“Maybe it’s the teacher.”

“Oh, my ego just blew.”

Vera chuckled, swallowing a wry comment about that not being needed anymore. “Thank you, Oliver. For… distracting me. I know I should be heading back to New York, but…”

She lowered her gaze, the action quickly followed by gentle touch of his hand on her shoulder.

“Hey. Stay as long as you need. If this is what you need to clear your head, come to terms with what happened, make a decision…”

Vera licked her lips, setting the bow down. “Thank you, Oliver. I don’t know how to do it properly, but-“

“Hey, you saved my ass last night.”

“Funny.”

“I mean it,” he exclaimed, his eyes locked with hers against her will. Goddamn, she had forgotten how intense his gaze could be. It reminded her of their first meeting, the way his gaze wouldn’t release her until he had looked away. “And that’s not the only reason. I told you why you’re always welcomed here.”

Vera released her breath when his eyes allowed her to glance down.

“I… really thought he was gonna die, you know?” she whispered, not sure where it came from. What had unlocked this Pandora box she had secured so thoroughly? Since when she wanted to talk about it? “My friend… she can see things. Sometimes. She saved my life when I got impaled on a katana, because she had a vision. Saw me almost get raped. Knew when her boyfriend got hurt. It’s… it’s actually why I called you. She said she saw me running towards a burning building which was falling down. I was crying, hysterically. She saw Danny, Colleen, Jessica, Claire and Luke. And me, obviously.”

Oliver was silent for a moment and Vera couldn’t force herself to look up. She didn’t even realize she had curled her arm around her torso subconsciously, trying to keep it from falling apart.

“You knew he was going to stay behind,” he stated calmly.

“I didn’t know _that_ ,” she snapped, closing her eyes for a moment to cool it down. “I only knew that in that vision, he probably died. Didn’t know how and why. I couldn’t— I couldn’t let that happen, I-“

“Hey, hey, you’re okay. He’s okay too. You did the right thing calling me-”

The realization hit her like a truck, knocking the air out her chest. Ježišmarja. Doprčic. _Doprdele_.

 _“Oh my—_ what if you stayed behind too?” she whispered, horrified. The thought might have occurred her before, but she had other things to worry about, she had— but now, it hit her for real, _what_ she had done when calling out for help. “You stayed with him. What if you— I would-- I almost _killed_ you. Ježišimarja-”

She covered her mouth to stop the waterfall of words, to stop herself from speaking, because when she spoke, she was poison, she had asked Oliver to come, she had asked him to come and _die-_

“Hey, no,” Oliver urged, his firm hands appearing at Vera’s shoulders, turning her back to face him – when had she turned away? “Don’t do that. You asked for help and I came.”

“You almost died because-“ She tried to push herself away. Vainly of course. Maybe because she was only trying half-heartedly.

She didn’t have the strength now. Maybe not ever. She didn’t have the strength to refuse the comfort he was offering, in fact, she craved for it, because she was weak, she needed help, _always_ , always needing help, always running away, loading her problems on other people, on her friends, on random masked strangers, putting them in danger, asking them to risk their life-

“No, no, no. It’s okay, Vera, it’s okay.”

“How is that _okay?!”_ she cried out at least, because apparently she was good at that, _crying_. He rubbed her arms gently, pulling her into a hug. Oliver Queen was hugging her. Again. And she leaned into it, finding her body shaking, welcoming the warmth and kindness. God, she was such a mess, such a mess of a human being.

“It just is. Don’t worry about it. You have plenty other things to worry about,” Oliver hummed lowly and Vera breathed in shakily and let go of everything.

She had no idea how much time had passed. She didn’t think much, but she could tell the hug definitely lasted much longer that was sociably acceptable. Somehow, she didn’t give a crap. The weakness and self-pity resolved… or was stashed away for later. Determination took their place. And anger. She was _angry_.

 _“Jesus._ Any chance you have wraps around here?” she murmured into his chest, slightly retreating to show him it was okay to release her.

“Why?”

“I need to hit something,” she explained. “Something I can imagine is me.”

“That sounds like a healthy way to cope,” Oliver noted sarcastically as he let her of his embrace and Vera shrugged. She couldn’t deny it.

“I had a great teacher in that area.”

Oliver smirked. “I never said it was wrong or that I don’t do the same.”

“Fair.”

“Would you hit _me?”_  

Vera froze. “What?”

\---

It turned out, Oliver wasn’t a masochist; or they hadn’t reached the level of friendship for him admitting it just yet. He put on protective mitts on his hands and a protective vest in case she would want to kick him. And he borrowed her training gloves after she changed into Felicity’s work-out clothes.

Vera hadn’t realized how much she had itched for this until they started. She aimed her fist at Oliver’s face, fully counting on him to block it out; which he did, of course.

“No need to take it easy on me. Let it out,” he encouraged her and she took a swing at him again, dull ache in her ribs reminding itself.

She swallowed, focusing rather on the bundle of emotions that needed to be unchained in a different way than through her tears. Her next blow was hard, visibly making the muscles on Oliver’s arm clench as he tried to keep it steady.

“Thanks. I was hoping you could take it all, so I wasn’t planning on it.”

Oliver just nodded, possibly ready for everything.

\---

Vera wasn’t at her best. Not psychically, not physically, so it took her less than twenty minutes to be out of breath and exhausted. Oliver recognized the moment, lowering his hands.

“Feeling better?”

Vera huffed out tired laugh, wiping her forehead dry – well, she attempted it anyway. She needed a towel for that.

“Depends on your definition of ‘better’,” she hummed, but seeing his puzzled expression, she waved it off. “Yes. Much better. I just need another aspirin I think.”

Oliver took off the gear, handing her the box. “Two tops.”

“Yes, doc.”

She downed just one pill this time, planning on sleeping it off once she would be from the shower and less wired. She drank a glass of water in one go, suddenly grateful that air in the basement was rather cold. Oliver threw her a towel – she barely caught it, using her teeth to open the gloves and drying her face and neck while looking around.

“Hey, the wooden dummy is cool. Show me something?” she asked, intrigued.

“Don’t take it personal, but you look like you could use some rest,” Oliver exclaimed, placing his own towel over his shoulders after wiping his face and neck dry.

“That’s why I asked you to _show me_ something. And is there a way of not taking it personal?”

Oliver grinned. He seemed tired too. Maybe he had a point. “Probably not.”

“Okay. Rain check on the wooden dummy.”

“Deal.”

Vera heard the door open from the stock entrance. She didn’t even look up – she didn’t really care who was coming unless they were there for shower. Because she desperately needed a shower.

 _“…guess I’ll leave you to it. Don’t fuck it up,”_ sounded Sara’s voice from there and Oliver flinched. Vera frowned – he looked startled.

_“Dammit.”_

Vera eyed the stairs this time, but no one was walking down. Waiting?

“Oliver?” she questioned his swearing and the fact someone was apparently wavering at the stairwell.

“Please, remember we saw first-hand how miserable you were,” he said quickly and Vera froze.

What did _that_ mean? What had her mood to do with Sara’s words to the person-

“Oliver,” she whispered, horrified when she realized _what_. She must have been wrong. No. He wouldn’t. They wouldn’t. She gulped, throat suddenly drier than she had from working out. “You didn’t.“

He gave her a weak smile and suddenly she couldn’t look at him anymore. She had _run_ here. She had been _hiding_ here. Matt wouldn’t have figured it out, there was no way; so they must have _told him_. How the hell had they even contacted him? Or had he reached out to them, hoping they might find her? Even if so, _why_ would Matt come here? Maybe… maybe she wanted him to come, she wanted him to find her, but while she had been feeling like shit after what she had done, she had also felt like she could _breathe_.

She ran her hand through her sweaty hair. And wasn’t her – _not even hers_ – outfit and current state just perfect for a life-death serious conversation?

“Whose idea was it?” Vera asked dully, not really caring.

“It was a team decision.”

Well, she hadn’t been part of that team!

Vera sighed, leaning heavily onto one of the metallic tables, eyeing Oliver warily. Matt still didn’t move; at least Vera assumed it was Matt, she doubted it was Terri who stood at the top of the stairwell. And judging by Oliver’s guilty face, she was right.

“I’ll leave you some privacy,” he hummed, grabbing a bottle of water, jogging up the stairs. Vera stared at the spot where he had been standing just few seconds ago, her mind blank.

Scratch that. Her mind was one big mess, fireworks of thoughts, loud and blinding, disorienting.

She wasn’t sure how and when he had gotten to the basement level, but there he was, standing in front of her, awkward silence, hands curled around his cane tightly, holding onto something. Guess they both needed some support to keep functioning. Vera didn’t look up to his face. She couldn’t. She felt tears gathering in her eyes even without doing it.

During her unpleasant times alone with her gloomy thoughts, she had imagined what he would say. She never stopped to think what _she_ would tell him.

“Vera,” he breathed, low voice, unhealthy weak. She blinked as her tears found their way down her cheeks, holding her breath, releasing it shakily when nothing endured. She gasped for more air.

“Matt,” she creaked in response and she saw his knuckles go white as his grip grew stronger. She took another calming breath, raising her gaze.

It was probably a good thing he wore the glasses. She wasn’t sure she could handle seeing his eyes at the moment. What would she see? Grief? Guilt? Or something completely different? Anger? Accusation?

He was the one who had screwed up, broken his promise to do everything for her not losing him, possibly choosing to die for another woman. She was the one who couldn’t have handled it.

He was the culprit. She was the coward who ran away.

Honestly, she didn’t know which was worse anymore.

The fact they were both qualified to receive their PhD. in secret keeping wasn’t helping. The sudden guilt settling in her stomach was unexpected if anything.

As if he was reading her mind, his grasp on the cane loosened, the unnecessary aid suddenly leaned against one of the display cabinets, his glasses disappearing, revealing things she didn’t want to see. She watched his throat instead, loose tie, the one she had given him for Christmas. She wondered if he wore it on purpose or if he had just grabbed what had been on the top of his drawer. Both were possible. She didn’t know which she wanted.

None of them spoke for another minute or two, or maybe for half an hour.

“What are you doing here?” she rasped, curling her fingers around the edge of the table as he winced. He must have sensed she had been about to speak; yet, he looked like he hadn’t heard it coming.

“…standing clueless. I didn’t really think about step two yet.”

She huffed out weak laugh, unable to identify if there was a single trace of humour in it. “What was step one?”

“Get to you.”

“Guess the ‘find you’ part someone did for you, huh,” she noted bitterly, bouncing off the table, moving her gaze away as she saw his Adam’s apple jump.

“They did narrow it down for me, I’m not gonna deny that.”

Well, that was something at least.

“Why are you here, Matt?”

_Do you still want to fix us? Do you want me? Are you here to tell me I’m a bitch? Are you going to give me the ring again, tell me you’re glad we’ve met, you’re sorry for how it ended and that you just want me to have something to remind me of you?_

Vera felt the air being knocked out of her at the last thought.

She was the one who had left. But she didn’t want it to end, not really. She loved him. He was a self-sacrificing idiot, who chose death over life, a non-beating heart over a beating one, a murder machine over… over her. She didn’t know who she was anymore. She was so angry with him, that he had left her on purpose, that he had left her _first_ , and she was hurting.

And she loved him.

She had no idea how he could have ever thought she was smart. Because that right there, that was the definition of stupidity.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Oliver showed off, Matty showed up. I wonder how that will go…mm… :) 
> 
> Also, technically it was Felicity who called, not Oliver, so it isn’t filling up the vigilante bro code. Which isn’t a thing, but I found the idea amusing. There should be a vigilante bro code.
> 
> Sooooo, I’m leaving. For a week during which I have no idea if I’m gonna have time to write/post anything, but I should be able to respond to comments and stuff at least. Right after that (the same day, actually) I’m leaving for another five days in which I’ll be probably able to do as much as nothing, reorienting myself from Daredevil to Ducktales (just a summer camp, no writing okay, but I might dream about a crossover, with Matt being the handsome wounded duck and all… Foggy would be Scrooge with his want for big glass-steel office, Matt would be Huey, Dewey and Louie in one person, Karen would be Launchpad McQuack, adventurous as she is, Marci would be Magica De Spell turned good-ish and Fisk with Wesley and company would be the Beagle Boys. I don’t remember to many characters… I’ll shut up now.).
> 
> Hope you won’t forget about me (the story) completely in the meantime. Kudos to you.


	9. Nothing else we can do (I may still have faith in you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> …aka FEELINGS. Matt’s POV. A little switch in the end to-…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We might have gotten an afternoon off and I might had this chapter already written. You're welcome :P

_‘Why are you here, Matt?’_

Hundreds of words ran through his mind, neither of them the right ones. Why was he here? There was no simple answer to that question, but at the same time, there was. He wasn’t surprised she talked to him. He always thought she had too much mercy, too much forgiveness for him, he had thought it even after she had run; he hadn’t believed she would shut him down or shouted him out before he would even open his mouth. Still, it was a complete mystery if she still had enough of that mercy to actually accept his… _apology?_ He wasn’t sure himself. _Why_ was he here?

“Because I love you,” he answered, barely holding back a desperate chuckle, because this was ridiculous. What other reason could he have had to come here? Her already fast heartbeat sped up. “Because I want to be with you. I wish you would come back with me. Please, I… I don’t want a yes— I mean… I do, but-- I want anything. I take ‘maybe’, I take ‘probably no’ over a ‘no’ any time. Please, Vera. I know I’m an idiot. And you deserve better-“

“Matt-“ she interrupted him, voice plaintive, on edge of something he didn’t know, which seemed impossible at this point; he knew her, he knew her voice better than his own, her heartbeat, so rarely lying, pure and once _so close_ to becoming his. How much could change in just a few days…

“I know. You have a line of men waiting for you and maybe every single one of them has the potential to be better than me, not that it’s that hard. I’m not sure what am I even trying to do here. But— please. I-“

“You know there’s no line, Matt. That’s bullshit, I’m barely a catch,” she scoffed. “I’m lucky someone like _you_ have ever— it’s just…. I-- I still struggle sometimes with the fact that you possibly won’t come back home to me some night. And now, knowing you would do it _willingly?_ That’s… _”_

Matt gulped at the words. Of course. He himself couldn’t imagine her losing her – it went both ways. He was perfectly aware of the fact she had worried about him, every night; she hadn’t even had to be dozing off on the couch as she had fallen asleep waiting for him every other night to prove it. Hell, her _‘be careful’_ had been what had broken him and made him sunk to one knee in the middle of the night.

Jessica Jones’ words echoed in his ears as well. _‘For all I care she can be a house-wife. I’m just saying that I couldn’t do that. And that you better appreciate what she’s doing.’_

 _‘I do. Believe me, I do,’_ had been his response at the time. He had betrayed that when staying behind, only making it worse when he had _promised_ her to work hard so she wouldn’t lose him. He just fucked up so much. How could he even put into words how he felt about it? How sorry he was? How… _afraid_ he had been? Matt didn’t want to die. For all the faith he had, death scared him. His own. God forbid someone’s close to his heart.

 _Focus_. She said she was still struggling. Not using the past tense. Coincidence?

“I know. And I’m sorry for what I did, I don’t— I don’t know what I was thinking. I mean, I know. Elektra, she was with Stick when we met and I didn’t know – Stick told me she left after she failed to get me join the Chaste. It was my fault they separated, hell, it was probably my fault they killed her and changed her into… into that thing. I needed to try it, to get through to her. She was my responsibility,” he tried to explain heatedly, hoping she was not only hearing him, but also still listening despite mentioning Elektra. Judging by her breath hitching irregularly, she was. “But she wasn’t the only one – and I fucked up. Just like that night when you were almost mugged, when they hurt you – I failed to get my priorities straight, _again_. _”_

“Can’t argue with that one. For some reason, _your life_ is always at the bottom of the list,” she hissed, crossing her arms. For someone who didn’t know her, it might sound harsh, sly. But Matt knew the thin nuances in her voice, in her stance. She was scared for him. And obviously, she was hurting.

 _“You_ should have been the priority, Vera, I know that. I _always_ want to come back to you. Come back home, but that’s the same thing, because you are my home. I— I can’t do this without you. I don’t know how and I don’t want to, I don’t want to know how to do this without you, because I want to do it with you.”

“Come on, Matt. That’s bullshit too,” she huffed.  “Of course you can. You have Claire to stitch you up, you don’t need me-“

“I’m not talking about being a vigilante, Vera. I’m talking about _living_.”

And here. It was out.

The thing he was afraid the most about death. For all he believed in, for all he _wanted to_ believe in… he was scared of it, because… loneliness. Matt had thought he had known loneliness, but god, he was so, so wrong. They say you can’t acknowledge the light if you weren’t in the dark. It went both ways. He couldn’t truly understand darkness despite thinking it after being dragged to the light and learning the difference – but no; he hadn’t understood darkness until he had been kicked back into it after the so precious time in the light. He hadn’t truly understood loneliness and _longing_ until she wasn’t by his side anymore.

He felt like a love-struck sicko, absolutely pathetic and weak, knowing Stick would laugh at him. But Matt just couldn’t anymore. He had lost his mother before he even had her, he had lost his dad, he had lost another father figure when Stick had left, he had almost lost Foggy and he just couldn’t do this anymore. If he lost her as well…. He wouldn’t kill himself, no, but he had _no idea_ what he would do, because the last few days when he had thought he _had_ lost her had been hell and he just didn’t _know_ anymore.

How pathetic he was when he was willing to admit it in front of her, just to make her understand, just to make her doubt her decision to leave? And what was that, was he trying to manipulate her? Guilt her into staying with him? He wanted to throw up at the idea of doing something so low and cowardly. But what else he could have said?

The silence lasted too long. When she spoke, there was the strange edge to her voice again.

“You decided to die for someone else, Matt. It was more important than _living with me.”_

His hand curled up in a fist. Well. He didn’t really have a comeback for this one, did he? Even when it wasn’t completely true, he only _risked_ dying for someone else, but… she had a point, he knew. She picked up the heart of the matter precisely, brilliant, _so brilliant_ in a way he could never be, no matter how many lawyer or master degrees he would have. She knew _people_.

“Vera-“

“Look, I— I don’t own you, Matt. And I shouldn’t even be angry with you for what you did, because that’s who you are, you believe there is good in everyone, no matter how evil they seem, you would die for other people. I know I’m just one of too many-”

“Vera-“ _You’re nothing like the others._ God, she wasn’t. _What_ was she even saying?

“-but I really am mad and disappointed and sad. I’m that selfish, sue me. Because I really wanted you to love me a little bit more than others, just enough to choose me over dying for someone else, who you possibly still had feelings for and who was, apparently, already dead by the way.”

Matt gulped, letting her words wash over him, taking them in, their meaning. It was making him a little sick. What was she even talking about? Was that what she was thinking? That she didn’t matter to him more than anyone in this fucked up world? Was that how she interpreted his actions?

Few tears had found a way to her cheeks, scenting the air with salt and rain, but she ignored them. _Christ_. This was so completely wrong.

“I do love— god, Vera, I do and I-- I just wanted to fix what I have messed up with Elektra, I swear,” he urged, crossing the distance between them. “And I should have known better than that-“

“But you didn’t!” she snapped, her palm hitting the nearest flat surface, making stop dead in his tracks.

Stop. Not because he was afraid of her, God, never. He was afraid _for_ her. And her raising her voice at him, that hurt. She didn’t do that.  

The strange tone was in her voice again, this time soaking through and her heart sounded like a war drum. Matt retreated the hand he didn’t realize he had extended in her direction. His mind raced. He couldn’t help the feeling he was missing something important. He _knew_ her. So why was it so hard to read her now?

“You should have known, but you couldn’t have,” she continued, her voice so weak he wouldn’t have caught her words without his enhanced hearing.

What?

“You couldn’t have known, because you’re not a goddamn psychic.”

Matt’s own heart made a funny flip. It felt like the choice of her words wasn’t accidental. “What?”

“You couldn’t have known because I didn’t tell you,” she sobbed into her trembling palm and this was familiar, her sadness, he could recognize _that_ , but there was still something-

“Didn’t tell me what?” he breathed.

A weird sound left her lips and whatever it was, Matt was sure as hell that he _never_ wanted to hear it again, a sound making his hair stand on end, worse than fingernails scraping a chalkboard. An invisible hand squeezed his heart, its fingers digging in.

“What Terri saw.”

Matt froze. _What Terri had seen?_ What was she talking about?

She let out another sound Matt never wanted to witness again, a desperate, humourless and… _self-hateful_ laugh, tears sprouting from her eyes.

“Hypocritical, isn’t it? Keeping a secret from you when I’m always so pissed when you’re not sharing.”

Matt was slowly realizing that the tone in her voice was an indication of her coming dangerously close to the line of mental breakdown. He knew he had missed one of her breakdowns when exiting the building in the last moment, navigating Roy to try to ground her. This must have been similar. Matt had witnessed Vera being strong for so many times that he sometimes forgot how _fragile_ she was.

He took a step closer to her, his mind racing; she made the same movement only backwards, keeping their distance. 

“What did she see?” he asked tentatively, trying to keep his voice unfazed. He didn’t really care – he only cared because Vera was absolutely freaked out by it and she had been freaked out enough not to tell him. Which was terrifying, given that unlike him she wasn’t too bad at sharing.

“She saw a building blow up. And me crying. Everyone was out, Matt. Every single member of the vigilante squad we formed, everyone but _you.”_

His mind refused to make the connection. That wasn’t-

“I _knew_ , Matt. I knew and I should have told you when the whole C4 argument happened, but I didn’t, I couldn’t, I don’t know why-“ her voice trailed off, changing into silent sobs, furious attempts to breathe in properly as she reached out to find the table, something to hold onto.

Matt’s brain was very, very slow.

She had known even before he had. Vera had known he had been about to stay behind, Terri had seen her by Midland Circle, mourning for him— _Jesus Christ_. She had thought he had been about to die. Basically knowing it. And she had kept it for herself ever since-- she had learnt right after finding out about Elektra, hadn’t she? But Matt refused to believe she had been so pissed she hadn’t cared, no, which meant she-

“Vera,” he breathed, astonished. She had thought he would die. _That_ had been the reason why she had called Oliver. Because-

“And you almost died. You _did_ die, I saw it, the building exploding, falling down, burying you under tons on concrete-“

“Vera-“

“The building went down and I knew you were still in there and it was my fault, because I didn’t tell you and didn’t stop it even when I could have, I was the only one who knew and I didn’t— I _killed_ you,” she wheezed.

 _She had known_. Just how terrifying that had to be for her? _Everything_ Terri had seen so far had come true. And Vera had been trying to stop it, to fight it off. She had been fighting _fate_. And she fucking _won_.

But right now she was going straight into a panic attack and frankly Matt didn’t blame her; what she had learnt was unimaginable and he had a hunch he was seeing just a fraction of what the fear had done to her at the time. His heart broke for her. _Jesus_.

Her pulse skyrocketed, the wheezing sound of the air trapped in her chest growing stronger.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry-“ she let out almost soundlessly between her gasps and Matt had no better idea than gripping her hand and press it against his chest, right above his heart.

“Hey— hey, hey, I’m alive. Vera, I’m _alive_ , you can feel my heartbeat, hear my voice, see me. I’m right here. _You saved me.”_

The wheezing continued, her hand trembling in his. Matt gritted his teeth, _screw it_ , and pulled her into bones-crushing hug, his palm on the back of her head, pressing her face against his chest to stop her from overdosing herself with oxygen. Her passing out was the last thing he needed right now.

She was in his arms and he would be grateful for that, if she wouldn’t be panicking like this, looking so small, so _fragile_.

“Hey, I’m okay. You saved me.”

“You stayed behind,” she mumbled to his shirt, sobbing, streams of her tears immediately dampening it, soaking in a matter of seconds.

“But I’m alive.”

“I didn’t tell you and you died-“

“No, I didn’t. I stayed behind, yes, but Vera, sweetheart, that wasn’t your fault. That was my choice-“

“Because you didn’t know!” she snapped again and Matt was shocked by the strength she had found in her exhausted body when she pulled away. He let her go, because he knew he had no right to hold her; or call her sweetheart for that matter, that was just a slip, a reflex.

What he _did_ have was the right to oppose her.

“No, Vera. I stayed, because I was stupid and thought I could have saved someone who was beyond saving. Forget that, that wasn’t your fault. The opposite, Vera, _Christ_ , you knew I was about to die, you were fighting something you thought was written in stone and you _won.”_

“Ježišmarja,” she muttered, wiping her cheeks dry, her nose running. She reached for a box of tissues, leaving Matt wonder _why_ exactly the item was here before his mind blocked it out, knowing the answer.

Vera was a complete sobbing mess, but at least she wasn’t hyperventilating anymore.

How the hell had they gotten here? Right. He was an idiot, she was being eaten from inside and he had been too busy to notice; to be fair, that hadn’t been exactly him being ignorant, he _had_ been busy.

Guess there was one more reason for her to run away; she hadn’t told him. But would it have made a difference? Or if Terri would have told him instead of Vera, would anything have changed? Matt didn’t know and he didn’t think it mattered. He couldn’t be quite angry with her; for one, it would make him one incredible hypocrite and for two, even if he would feel like she needed some kind of a punishment or whatever, he was sure she tortured herself enough for both of them.

The sticking point of this whole mess was this: he had fucked up and she had run. And Matt had come to bring her back home.  So he should get back on track. This was _his_ mission. His apology.

“You saved me and I did everything I could to make it even more difficult,” he stated unnecessarily, still incredulous. Oh _Christ_ , he had fucked up even more than he had thought, hadn’t he? “Look at you. I shouldn’t even have tried to save her, I should have come back to you without thinking, because you are the one worth saving, what I— what I had with you, it was so much more important than my chance to redeem myself. And I’m sorry, Vera. I’m… I’m sorry, there is nothing else to say. There are no words. I cannot express what I would give to take it back. I’m-“

The thought struck him instantly, a crazy idea. It would be a terribly low blow and that was saying something, he hadn’t thought he could go lower, but here he was. His mind raced as he was trying to remember. Jesus, he was such a bastard. But desperate people did desperate things.

“Tell me what you want. A goldmine or a tower. The ocean or the coast. Sweet salt, dry rain. Music of the universe. I’ll get it. I don’t know how, but I won’t stop trying until I’ll get it if that means you’ll take me too.”

Vera recognized the words. Matt was pretty sure the things were offered in wrong order and he knew for a fact he only named a few, but apparently it didn’t matter. She recognized he remembered the song they heard at the wedding, the one she claimed had made her cry.

“Ježišmarja,” she said again, this time with a hint of something lighter. Matt would think it was _fondness,_ but he didn’t know anything anymore.

He bowed his head, because it made no difference – he could still see her the same. He could see her walking to him hesitantly, slowly approaching him. He didn’t dare to raise his head, afraid of hoping. She might as well slap him for being such a bastard as he was shamelessly aiming for making her emotional as if she hadn’t been on the verge of a breakdown already. He had no idea what was on her mind right now, he wasn’t a goddamn mind-reader. He prayed though.

“Is… you said… ‘maybe’ is enough?” her voice whispered, barely audible, and Matt’s whole world started spinning.

“Yes.” _Yes, please. God, anything but ‘no’._

“Then… then… _maybe_ we could… we could try to…?”

His hand shook as he tentatively raised it to her arm, not daring to touch her face. But god, he wanted to frame her face and kiss the shit out of her, bury his fingers in her hair, not to leave an inch between the two of them, show her exactly how much he needed her and _never_ let go. But he had already touched her more than he was allowed.

“There’s nothing I would wish for more.”

“I need— I need time, Matt. I need time to come to terms with this. I can’t just jump back into what we were. It’s not just… just… you _promised_ me, Matt. You promised me and you broke that promise. I can’t go back to trusting you effortlessly and-“ she didn’t finish her thought, but Matt didn’t care, barely listening anymore. She said _maybe_.  “I… I can’t do that.”

He shivered at the last words, remembering how they similar they were to those she had said when she had been leaving. Her heart jumped, probably realizing it too.

“I… I think I believe you that you didn’t… didn’t do it because you loved her. So the problem is more _me_ at this point. I need to work my way around… around what I found out about you, the… the extent of it. I think it’s only fair for you to know that it’s… it’s gonna take time and the end is still unknown, I— I can’t promise you that-”

Matt was positive that what had driven him to stay down there as long as had been possible hadn’t been love and it appeared Vera believed him, which was good. But… now she thought she was the problem? Of course she wasn’t, it was bullshit, _he_ was, but she was right in a way. He had fucked up, but it was who he was and he could try and change it, but it would be a mission condemned to failure from the very beginning.

So he nodded furiously, thanking God for this blessing. It wasn’t what he really wanted, just ‘probably’, ‘maybe’ – but what he wanted was impossible, and this was more than he could ever ask for. The ring burned in his pocket, mocking him. He carefully squeezed her arm, unsure what he was allowed to do.

“Thank you. I… I’ll try my best to earn your trust back.”

Matt realized that even if he actually would earn it back, it wouldn’t be enough, because she needed to look inside herself and reach a verdict. Was she willing to put up with the mess he was? Was she willing to accept it? She had already accepted much more about him than anyone he had ever met. No one ever dug this deep, no one stayed long enough – or did, but danced around it carefully, covering their eyes, wary of seeing too much. Vera didn’t do that. She was seeing him with her eyes wide open, gaze burning through his very soul and she needed to decide if she could live with what she saw.

She was right. It really wasn’t about him anymore, was it? But he could try and make it easier for her, persuade her.

He desperately wanted to kiss her, to hide her in his arms, to do anything to make her hesitant ‘maybe’ real, but he had no clue how she would react. The silence was getting deafening and their stillness ached.

“Can I-“ he blurted out, pressing his lips together as the sudden sound startled her, _idiot_ , _Matthew, you’re an idiot._

“Can you what?” she whispered, voice once more on edge of something he couldn’t quite identify.

Matt regretted he had ever opened his mouth.

“Can you what, Matt?” her tone got softer and she mirrored his position, placing her hand on his arm in caring gesture. It felt nice. Very nice. Especially considering he had thought he would never touch her again and what more, that she would ever touch _him_.

_Count your blessings, Murdock._

“It’s… forget it, sorry.”

“This isn’t going to work.” Panic rose in his chest once again. “Just say it, Matt. Whatever it is.”

He considered asking another question. But lying wasn’t the right way of doing this. Not to mention she saw right throw his crap. It was terrifying and amazing at the same time. He took a deep breath.

“Can I-?” he breathed, leaning closer just slightly, closing his eyes as if it could make her doubtlessly searching gaze on him disappear.

Her pulse made a very funny sound and small chuckle bubbled in her throat. It felt like sunshine, bright and warm.

“Yes, Matt, you can.”

“Yeah?”

She chuckled again, the most beautiful sound he heard in days. He placed a hesitant kiss on her forehead. Her heart fluttered, no trace of disagreement with his action. So he dared to move to her cheek, pressing one more kiss. His other hand, disobedient, reached for the edge of her jaw reflexively. She still didn’t protest, releasing a shaky exhale.

With his blood roaring in his ears, voice caught in his throat, he made a tiny movement towards her lips. He really didn’t want to screw this up. Screw up _worse_ , that was. But her breath hitched too and she didn’t seem disgusted at the idea; which was still a long way to her actually wanting it. Yet…

_Come on, Murdock, don’t be a coward. The worst that can happen is her pulling away._

“May I?”

He could feel the corner of her lips shot up before she licked them. “I— I think I would appreciate it.”

Maybe she did. But he was confident that when he attached their mouths in a short chaste kiss, he was the one appreciating it better.

\---

“You think it’s going well?” Sara asked, leaning onto the bar, wondering if she could make herself a drink. She kinda felt like having a drink.

“Define ‘well’,” Oliver noted, eyeing her with a sigh. “I don’t know. She hasn’t stormed out yet, so there’s that, but then again, she could have used the other exit. But she didn’t look angry when she realized what we did, more like freaked out. I would swear there was something hopeful in her face too, but I have no idea.”

“Do you want to have one?” Felicity offered, entering the club in a rapid pace. “I told my boss I’m having a family emergency,” she added at their confused looks.

“What do you mean ‘do you want to have one’?” Sara asked.

Felicity shrugged. “There are cameras.”

Oliver pressed his lips together, vainly trying to stop himself from smiling. “Felicity, honey, we talked about boundaries.”

“Tell me you don’t want to know what’s happening there right now, Oliver. I dare you.” Her raised eyebrows indeed looked daring.

“…Fine, no audio though.”

Felicity swiftly clicked few icons on her tablet, content she had won. All three gathered around the screen, watching the scene.

Vera’s eyes were red even with the rather low quality, but they had been a little red when Oliver had left. Matt was standing rather close to her, putting his hand on her arm with hesitation. Vera didn’t shake it off.

“Ah— that doesn’t look _that_ bad, right?” Felicity noted, unsure.

“Hm, hand on her arm. That’s my definition of _chaste_ ,” Sara commented, looking up just a second after the words left her mouth. _Chaste?_ Really?  “… ha, sorry.”

“You know he can probably hear you, right?” Oliver warned them both.

“He can?” Felicity’s head snapped to him, her eyes wide. “Oh, right. _Well, kiss her, you moron!!”_

Oliver’s lips twitched. Though he wasn’t sure trying to kiss Vera was a good idea right now. They all returned their attention to the screen.

“She laughed,” Sara narrated unnecessarily. Oliver wasn’t confident he would call the thing Vera did _a laugh_ , it was an amused huff or a chuckle at best, but he counted that as a victory. “Well, kinda. That’s good, right?”

“Awww, a forehead kiss. That is so sweet!” Felicity enthused, smile creeping to her lips.

“Yeah, _sweet_. Who is she, his sister?” Sara complained, frowning.

Oliver was quiet, watching attentively. The angle of the camera was weird, but he would swear they-

“Yes!” Felicity yelped, both hands hitting the air (including the one with the tablet, so they lost the sight of them), while Sara’s fist victory gesture was more subtle – but still present. Oliver didn’t realize he was grinning.

It seemed like the Arrow cave would be without an occupant once more.

At the second thought… he was going to murder the person who used the term ‘arrow cave’ first.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title inspired by Rhodes – The Lakes ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Op1CXH1RPug )  
> Hope you like the light-it-up at the end O:-)  
> Thoughts? I neglected Vera’s guilt for not telling Matt what she thought was about to happen because she had other feelings to deal with. And I let it blow up in this chapter, so we could see perfectly clear how bad they both are at handling stressful and ominous situation, each of them in their own way. Yea/nay?


	10. A step to nowhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> …aka one lucky bastard. Vera’s and Felicity’s POV.

“I’m… I think they are waiting upstairs. We should… we should probably let them know-“ she mumbled, his hand still on her jaw. It felt… really good. _Right_. Her body responded to the familiarity with soothing calm – which was quite unfair, because goddammit, her heart. Her body should be more protective of her heart, seriously.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll go.”

He hesitantly let her go, making his way to the stairwell, grabbing his glasses. He didn’t get half up when Vera heard the door open.

“We figured you would be done about now,” Felicity chipped, her heels clicking. When had Felicity come here? Had they really been talking for so long?

“Yeah.” Matt cleared his throat and Vera saw the IT girl’s face was slightly flushed. Vera didn’t spend too much time wondering why – it didn’t matter.

Matt slowly approached her, taking her hand gently in his, wordlessly letting them know how their talk went. Vera interlaced her fingers with his, shyly looking up to their faces, too afraid to look into Matt’s – but he was the one to take her hand first, right? Oliver smiled at her reassuringly, just like Felicity; Sara was grinning widely as if there was an inside joke Vera couldn’t perceive.

“We, uhm… yeah,” Vera mumbled, lowering her gaze, Matt giving her hand a squeeze. It was ridiculously comforting. ”I guess I’ll be out of your hair soon.”

“Understandable. But it doesn’t have to be right now, there’s no rush from our side. You can stay. You know that, Vera,” Oliver offered softly, rewarded by Vera’s unsure smile.

“Thank you. I’m… I appreciate that. I’m not sure how soon we can find a flight and I need to think of a way to… say thank you. We’ll find some hotel and-“

“You don’t have to. When I said you could stay, I meant here. That is, if you want, of course. The hotels will be ridiculously expensive if you do reservation for tonight now.”

Vera bit her lip. Well. She would appreciate some privacy, but on the other hand, she could imagine it might be awkward. Not to mention the price, they had a point. On the other hand, she really didn’t want to impose-

“The nearest open flight to NY is tomorrow at seven p.m. Their security is a joke, I can get you seats without paying a single penny,” Felicity hummed as if incidentally, meeting Vera’s shocked gaze as she looked up from her tablet. Vera peripherally saw Matt’s lips part. Felicity’s eyebrow rose. “You’re interested?”

Matt’s face was _priceless_. Vera chuckled, all tension falling from her shoulders, and she broke into a full laughter.

“She wasn’t— she wasn’t lying,” Matt stuttered and it made Vera chuckle again.

The corners of Oliver’s lips were twitching. “She does that a lot. She could probably find you a hotel too.”

Vera licked her lips, eyeing Matt hesitantly. He gave a light shrug, still awed. She wasn’t sure what to do. “I… I wouldn’t mind staying here, but I don’t… I don’t want to impose.”

“Vera, honey, he wouldn’t offer you to stay if he didn’t mean it,” Felicity noted, still waiting for yes or no for the flight.

“Matt?”

He turned her face to Vera, small smile on his lips. She watched them hypnotized; a natural effect of him wearing glasses (and not being with him for days, missing him smile for even longer). “I don’t really care. It’s up to you.”

What he was actually saying with the little she could see of his expression was _‘whatever you want’._

“Yeah, uhm… if you guys wouldn’t mind, I rather stayed here and if you actually can do the magical flight thing-“ Vera asked cautiously, gaining an offended look from Felicity

“Vera, I was able to access your medical records and records about your escapades with— you know who. Yeah, I can do the magic flight thing.”

“Thanks. And if no one has problem with it, I would really, really need to take a shower…”

Vera let go of Matt’s hand, grabbing her stuff and walking towards the bathroom. Matt thanked Felicity as well; Vera closed her eyes for few seconds. Yeah, she made the right call.

She had no doubt it would take effort and her will and strength would be tested very differently from the way it had been when fighting some ninja goons, and the risk of getting hurt again was high. Forgiving Matt was… practically unimaginable. But she wouldn’t forgive _herself_ if she wouldn’t at least try to get back what had been making her happy. She took a deep breath, disappearing from the plain sight.

 

\---

They all stood in awkward silence for few seconds after the door clicked behind Vera – until Oliver broke it.

“Matt, didn’t really have a chance to say hi. Good to see you again,” he offered a hand to shake, the tension in the room dissolving as Matt accepted, not flinching when Oliver shortly covered their connected hands. “Glad you came.”

Matt huffed out a tired laugh, reciprocating Oliver’s gesture. “Yeah. So am I.”

Felicity grinned as the men let go. “Could have been faster if you answered my calls.”

The blind man’s face fell. “I know,” he admitted quietly, taking her teasing words to heart.

“She’s teasing you, Matt. I think Vera needed some time. I suppose it went well.”

“As if you didn’t know.” One corner of Matt’s lips quirked for a second and Felicity felt her face flush again. Yeah, okay, he _had_ heard them. Well. Too late. “And I think you’re right. I… thank you for taking her in. It could have gone very differently if she didn’t have you as an option. She could have— she could have been over the ocean already.”

“Well, she isn’t. And despite what she thinks, she doesn’t owe me. It’s the opposite,” Oliver said, eyeing Felicity and she smiled at him, knowing what he meant. “She’s welcomed any time. Just like you.”

“Yeah, I can tell he thinks about her like his little sister already and I saw them interacting for only few minutes,” Sara added, earning a mischievous smile from the blind man. Felicity wondered why that was and if Oliver’s attachment was so obvious.

“Is that why you gave her several brotherly hugs?”

Felicity stared at Matt, baffled. What— how-

“Exactly how do you know they hugged? Did she tell you?” Sara asked, head titled curiously.

“No. It’s… it’s the senses,” Matt explained shortly, his smile turning abashed. Still, Felicity could tell he was _glowing_. The change in his stance and his aura was incredible, so much brighter than when she had seen him in the store; the light was rather shy and careful, but it was undeniably right there.

“I should have known that you would know. Are you gonna try to punch me?”

Matt’s face softened. “For being there for her?”

“Fair enough, lover boy. Though it only would be _fair_ if they had a thing,” Sara flashed Oliver a grin. “He and Laurel had a thing back in college.”

The corners of Felicity’s lips quirked involuntarily and Oliver’s eyebrow shot up. And that was definitely a blush on Matt’s cheeks right now. Oh, this was precious.

Oliver cleared his throat. “Okay. Well, why don’t we all move on? You have something for me, Felicity?”

Felicity snapped from her shock, mind blank. She hadn’t been looking for any criminal activity, she hadn’t exactly had time between all this today. She licked her lips, approaching her man, hesitating and then pecking his cheek. He blinked, the surprise on his face evident.

Sara snorted and a ghost of a smile appeared on Matt’s lips.

“O-okay. And other than that?” Oliver hummed, kissing her forehead in return.

“Let me take a look.”

 ---

Vera was taking her time in the shower, so Felicity scanned what she could – analysis of the mumble-jumble on the police radio, 911 calls, checking cameras, while Oliver and Sara were looking over her shoulder. Matt was awkwardly leaning onto one of the cabinets, until he decided to explore the Arrow cave closely, slowly walking around the room. It irritated Felicity a little, especially with him touching everything – apart from the explosive arrows, smart man – , but she didn’t have the heart to stop him, especially when he paused by the bed, his fingers lightly tracing the neatly made sheets.

“All quiet. I guess it’s too soon. I mean, it’s after six, but still. I guess you’ll just have to sharpen your arrows or something,” she teased the archer lightly, receiving an eye-roll and a kiss to her hair in response.

“Well, I wanted to ask Laurel and dad to dinner anyway,” Sara noted, already pulling out her phone.

“Are you sure you don’t mind us staying here?” Matt asked quietly, Felicity and Oliver looking up to him immediately.

“I’ll be heading out anyway, maybe I’ll be lucky enough to run into something. Right now, actually. That is unless you wanted to train?”

Felicity’s heart fluttered. Oookay, she wouldn’t object to _that_. From what she understood, they were both really good and from what she saw, Matt was quite ripped under the whole lawyer suit of his – the black undershirt he had used to wear before he had switched to the ridiculous horny armour was _very_ tight as far as the footages showed.

Matt tilted his head to side as if he was examining the pair; Felicity realized with horror that he might be able to tell what kind of thoughts she had right now. Oh. My. God.

“Maybe tomorrow. If we don’t make plans. I’m not sure… I’m not sure what we gonna do,” Matt offered carefully, a shadow of fear covering his face.

Felicity understood. Yeah, sure, they made the first step, but they were probably a long way from actually _fixing_ things between them. They were dancing on a very thin ice. Maybe it was a good thing they were staying here instead of some hotel room, completely alone and isolated.

“Fine by me.”

Oliver bounced off the table, getting his gear. Vera and Sara both returned; Vera abashed, her hair dripping water, Sara smiling.

“Having a family dinner?” Felicity asked and Sara nodded.

“Yep. Dad was happy.”

“I bet. Send him my regards,” Oliver hummed as he was getting into his suit.

Sara snickered. “You mean Oliver Queen or the Arrow? Because I’m not sure which one of you he likes better now.”

Felicity bit her lip, peripherally seeing Vera approaching Matt; he gave her a tiny smile, tentatively brushing his fingers with hers. The woman glanced down at them, interlacing them.

Nah, they were going to be okay. Right? There were thing to clear out, but…

“Your choice.”

“Okay.” Sara grinned, jogging towards the back entrance. “See ya, guys!”

“Bye!” Vera called out, seemingly snapping from her dazed state. Matt’s voice echoed with the same word.

“And I’m heading out too,” Oliver announced, placing the quiver over his shoulder. He pecked Felicity’s lips, smiling. “For good luck?”

“Be careful,” she whispered and he gave her one of those loving smiles that made his eyes twinkle, his gloved hand tracing her cheek lightly.

“Always.”

\---

Felicity was trying not to pay too much attention to the pair, rather looking for anything Oliver could encounter. She rolled her eyes when he saved some old lady’s purse, only to get almost hit by it.

“People are so ungrateful these days,” she muttered under her breath, making Oliver laugh.

She had switched to headphones after few first minutes. She had no doubt Matt could still hear both sides of the conversation – which was really freaky – but at least she could tell herself that she had tried.

When she returned from the bathroom, she couldn’t help but stop in her tracks.

She hadn’t been watching the pair closely before, but now when she spare them one glance… she found Matt on the bed next to sleeping Vera – or more like _cuddled_ by Vera, though she was only holding onto his forearm, which required quite an uncomfortably looking position for him to be in, strangely twisted, half lying and supporting himself on his elbow. Felicity had no idea how long he had been like this and how long he would be, but she was sure his back would be killing him tomorrow.

It broke her heart a little, while warming it up. He must have noticed Felicity approaching and stopping, but he didn’t react – his expression was a mixture of peace and awe, focused. For a moment, she was tempted, but worried she might wake Vera up… yeah, okay, she should probably let them be and give him the pep talk she had been creating in her head for a while later. She swallowed her words, closing her mouth she had opened to speak up.

“Yes?” he whispered, not bothering to turn in Felicity’s direction; it kinda made sense. Firstly, he was… _busy_ and secondly, it probably made no difference for him. He was so weird. How did he even know she wanted to say something?

“It’s nothing. I’m just gonna… type stuff here if that’s okay.”

She thought one corner of his lips raised inconspicuously. His face was open without his glasses, his emotions on pure display. He looked much younger now too, but that could have also been thanks to the recent development of events.

“This is your bunker, Ms. Smoak. I’m the one intruding.”

“Yeah, well.”

“Thank you again for calling me and finding a way to reach me even when I didn’t respond. I’m sorry I didn’t pick up,” he apologized, voice quiet but audibly on edge. His face was twisted in a grimace that could only mean unpleasant memories.

Felicity bit her cheek. He was making it difficult for her to give him a piece of her mind. “You’re welcome. I _am_ a fan of vigilantes and their girlfriends.”

“I see. I hope Oliver won’t make the same mistakes I have.”

“Yeah, well, you did screw up pretty bad, so I think he can learn from that mistake.”

She could tell he tensed at her words if from anything, then from Vera’s whimper as he probably squeezed her hand too tightly. Felicity froze for a second, afraid she actually did disturb her so much needed sleep – but she just stirred, whined silently and snuggled closer to Matt’s forearm.

The blind man smiled at that.

Okay, fine, that was it.

“I’m glad you talked and it went well, but I got few things to say to, mister,” she started and Matt tensed even more. He gulped, turning his face more in her direction. Good.

“One, you don’t die. Okay? You don’t just go and die, especially when someone’s waiting for you to come back.” She watched his expression darkening with guilt. “Two, you love her. You love her and you hold onto that, _never_ sending her away. We tend to hate that, there’s only certain amount of heroism we can contain and consider charming, the rest is just martyrism and that’s not sexy at all. You don’t play martyr and end up bloody when you’re not alone.”

“I almost was alone. So many times,” he chuckled humourlessly, a little desperate sound. “She could have been dead. Or she could have kick me down when I came here begging my ex- _fiancée_ to take me back.”

His face was twisted in pain, his sightless imploring eyes on Vera’s left hand. Felicity raised her eyebrow. _Really, buddy? Weeping over something like this when you’re one lucky bastard to even be here?_

“That gets us to the third thing. You freaking cherish her. You do that, because you are _extremely lucky_ to get another chance. If me and Oliver were in your situation – I’m not saying I can fully relate – I wouldn’t be wearing the ring either. I’m not sure I would be holding his hand like this. If you do something like that again, I don’t think she’ll be so forgiving. You hurt her again, betray her trust, and you won’t be holding her hand at all.”

“Yeah, I got that, Ms. Smoak,” he rasped, his eyes getting glassy.

She sighed. “Matt, I’m giving you some kind of a pep talk here. It’s just Felicity, you know. And _please,_ don’t mess it up. You seem to inspire my boyfriend a lot.”

Felicity wasn’t sure it was a good thing or a bad thing. Probably fifty-fifty.

He was quiet for a long time and she returned behind her computer, putting only one headphone in justin case he would like to say something more.

“So do you… Felicity.”

“What?” she asked, surprised; even more when she saw the corners of his lips rise a little, his gaze softening as he turned in her direction once more.

“You inspire him too,” he explained quietly. “I can relate. You’re life. You’re light guiding his way, making him want to be a better man.”

She blinked, honestly shocked. Oh. She… didn’t see that coming. Sure, Oliver had gone quite a journey since they had first met, but was she the one to blame? She was sure she had played a certain role, just like Dig had. But a stranger saying that… it felt different, hearing it from him.

“Oh. Uhm. Thank you.”

Vera sniffled, making them both wince. How had Felicity not noticed this the nights before? 

Matt leaned closer to the sleeping figure instinctively, whispering something. Vera let out a quiet sob, snuggling to his body, definitely taking him by surprise. He whispered something else and Vera fell into silence, burying her head to the crook of Matt’s neck.

It was incredibly sweet and painful to watch – Felicity looked away, secretly crying for Matt’s muscles and bones, because the position he was in now looked literally breakneck.

She focused on her computer, glancing in their direction only when Matt finally gave up and laid by her side completely, hesitantly enclosing Vera in his embrace; she let out another distressed noise before her breathing calmed down completely. The rustle of the covers indicated she hid in Matt’s arms.

Felicity’s mouth quirked involuntarily. Damn, she was a good peacemaker.

\---

When Oliver arrived, he walked in unusually quiet, aware of the fact the recently made-up lovers might be sleeping. He smiled at Felicity first.

“You didn’t have to wait,” he whispered to her hair as he kissed the top of her head, his hand gentle on her arm. She closed her eyes contentedly, warm spreading in her chest at his loving gesture.

“I wanted to,” she breathed back. She cupped his cheeks, his stubble making her palm burn a little, and pulled him in for a proper kiss.

He met her lips gingerly, lingering, his hand moving to the back of her neck. He didn’t taste like blood; that was a nice change for this time of the night. When he withdrew slightly, his smile was wider.

“You okay?” he asked softly as if she was the one who had been on the streets for the past hours.

“Yeah. You? You seem unusually healthy. Not that I’m complaining!” she quickly added and his chest shook with hushed laughter.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Anything important here?”

He didn’t need to say what he meant. Felicity thought there was nothing worth saying; Matt was still crumbled on the bed rather uncomfortably, in his suit on top of that, but asleep and with his beloved in his arms. Was there any comment needed?

“Other than the fact Matt will need a good physiotherapist and an iron tomorrow?”

Oliver chuckled silently. “Somehow I doubt he will mind the crumpled shirt or sore back.”

“Can’t argue with that one. Now chop-chop, change, some of us can’t wait to get to bed as well,” Felicity hushed him, earning a peck on her lips.

“I think I’m being whipped already. Stop bullying me.”

Felicity smacked his arm – or wanted to, but the bastard dodged. “That’s not bullying. Some of us actually have to get up tomorrow… today.”

“Definitely bullying. You just tried to hit me.” Felicity gave him her I’m-done-with-you look. He leaned in again, drawing her in for another kiss, open-mouthed, sucking on her lower lip teasingly, running his tongue over it. She couldn’t help but melt, sighing happily. “I’ll make the late-night work worth it, promise.”

“Mm,” she hummed approvingly, licking her lips when she was freed.

She shamelessly watched him change before reaching for her coat. He kissed her temple lightly, taking her hand and heading to the door.

“Night,” sounded from Matt quietly, making Felicity yelp in surprise. _Jesus Christ,_ she thought he was asleep! Had he heard them?!

“Goodnight,” Oliver whispered back, voice slightly cracked. He hadn’t think Matt was awake either.

Well. Worse things had happened.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely a filler chapter. Happens. Also, Felicity really needs to learn how to stay away from anyone’s business. So far, it was rather cute. Now it’s a little annoying I think…? Even when she thinks well. I promise the next chapter will be more fun.
> 
> Tomorrow, the real work starts and I might not be able to respond to comments later. Leave them anyway, please :-P :-)


	11. Friends like these

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> …aka training and goodbyes. Also, who run the world? (Let’s objectify men for a minute too.) Vera’s POV.

The first thing she was aware of was a warm body being in bed with her. _That_ she wasn’t used to, not for the past few days. It felt incredibly nice and comforting, which would explain the other thing too.

The other thing was her limbs being wrapped about the said body like an octopus. Vera squeezed her eyes shut and cursed under her breath. That was _not_ what she had wanted to do.

Yes, she had said ‘maybe’ to Matt. But it was ‘maybe’ and not an enthusiastic ‘YES’. Yes, he had kissed her forehead and cheek and she had liked it – because she had been high on meds-- yeah, definitely, one aspirin was the thing to blame it on –  and so they had kissed a little, like _kissed_ , and she had liked that even more. And they had touched hands and she… yeah, okay, she had definitely clung on his forearm when going to sleep. But this?! The sleepy octopus thing? That was a fucking treason. Her body had been being naughty when liking touching Matt the evening before, but this was it being an actual _traitor_.

Vera opened her eyes, only meeting Matt’s shirt. This was new too – was she clinging on him that much that he hadn’t even stripped and changed? _Oh god, Vera…._ She carefully untangled her legs from between his first, startled at the sound of his sleepy hum.

She quickly snapped her head up – his eyes were half open as if the weak daylight at the base was hurting him. She didn’t bother with _careful_ when freeing him of her arms.

“Sorry,” she whispered, not sure if she was apologizing for waking him up or for… attacking him in his sleep.

Matt’s gaze was focused to nowhere, soft with sleep; the instinct to just snuggle him and fall asleep again was strong, but the pang in her stomach was warning her and for a good reason. She gulped.

“I didn’t mind,” he murmured, voice low, still rough with sleep. Her fingers actually itched to straighten his bedhead a little, her heart warm and aching at the same time at the sight.

She scanned him again. “Matt, the position you’re in cannot be comfortable and my grabby limbs were preventing you from moving,” she stated, intentionally avoiding the fact that he might have liked it, liked the closeness the same way she did. That was a dangerous territory she didn’t want to enter.

“I didn’t mind,” he repeated quietly and she closed her eyes at that. So much for avoiding it.

“ ‘kay.” Vera cowardly rolled over to check her phone and mainly, the time. “It’s almost nine. We should get up.”

When she turned back to him, he was already supporting himself on his elbow, his free hand running down his face.

“And I should get a shower. Is there… a free towel somewhere? I didn’t really-“ he stopped in the middle of the sentence, grimacing. Vera could only imagine how the sentence ended in his head. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“Yeah, I’ll give you one.”

“Thanks.”

She was sitting in the spacy room in silence, her mind racing. Okay, this… would be messy. She had wanted to stay at the base so they wouldn’t be alone, because… because… she wasn’t sure how to treat him. And here they were.

She was still pissed. Oh god, she was so pissed and betrayed, even though the feeling was fading away slowly, because she… she actually believed he hadn’t picked Elektra over her. No, he had picked… his freaking guilt or whatever over her and while it _was_ slightly better, it still hurt. Breaking promises wasn’t much better.

And of course, yesterday, her own guilt had mixed up with that and had made it even messier.

The other feelings she was trying to drown, vainly; the urge to slip into their familiarity, into his embrace, meet his lips again and in a different way than just pecking them, to tell him she loved him just to see his smile, the one special smile— yeah, _crap_ , but she knew there was no denying it; she loved him, even between all of that. And maybe it was making her a bitch, but she was not about to admit it out loud, not any time soon.

She grabbed her phone, quickly writing a text.

**_Please come. I don’t care how many people or what you’ll do here, just come here._** She sent it to Felicity and Oliver both.

That was definitely her being a whiny little coward, but she didn’t care. She knew they were coming back to New York tonight and there was no way of avoiding being alone with him there, not to mention the feeling of familiarity would only urge the compulsion to ignore that she was hurting. She knew facing him alone was inevitable, but if she could postpone that for few more hours, she would take it.

**_We’ll be there in about an hour. Survive?_ **

Vera snorted at Felicity’s response, biting her lip when she realized Matt could probably hear that. So be it.

\---

Matt was cautious as well, she could tell. He had no idea where the border between them started and ended and how much he could afford to push it; so he stepped out of the bathroom fully clothed, his hair less of a mess and his gait unsure. They were still alone. Well, _shit._

She cleared her throat, rising from her spot on the bed. She had changed from her improvised pyjama, but had camped on the bed anyway. “How do you feel?”

Matt stopped few steps from her, face plain confusion, body tense. Vera realized how that sounded and mentally kicked herself.

“I mean… your injuries. The cuts-“ - _I’ve seen in the shower we were in together, kissing and stuff, before the revelation and my abrupt escape -_ “-you had. Bruising.”

“Good. Yeah, they’re… okay,” he said slowly, an approximation of a smile flashing on his lips for a moment. It was a tiny tight thing and it didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was there. “You?”

“Me?”

That startled a chuckle from him. “Yeah. You. You were fighting— fighting ninjas too.”

“I don’t think they were ninjas. Not the… _ninja_ ninjas,” she muttered and she noticed his painfully obvious tension slightly resolving. The tension was replaced by something different; his fingers curled up into loose fists repeatedly, rubbing each other. Less alert, but still very nervous.

Yeah, that was about how she felt.

“Roy, uhm… Roy said you were doing good. Really good, even… even with billy clubs.”

Vera snorted. “We apparently have a different idea of ‘really good’.”

“Well, you’re still here.”

He seemed to realize his mistake when she inhaled sharply at the sudden twist of her insides. She tried her best to ignore the feeling. They would have to talk about it eventually. Maybe this was how – easing their way into it, baby steps.

She shrugged as casually as she managed.

“I guess. I… I had a good teacher.” The rubbing of his fingers stopped. She lowered her gaze. “And Roy was there, looking out for me. He said you sent him.”

“Yeah, I… I felt like you would need him more than we would… I… I was… _worried,”_ he said in the end, the word much heavier than its usual meaning. ‘Worry’ was an understatement, she was sure.

“I was… _worried_ too.” _Scared shitless._ _Terrified_.

“Good thing you knew who to call,” he offered, the tiny smile returning. This time, she couldn’t resist and smiled too.

“Yeah.”

“But you didn’t answer the question.”

If she didn’t know better, she might even think he was amused at her deflecting, seeing their roles switching. Also, he was right.

“I’m fine, Matt.” The moment the words left her lips, she realized it wasn’t quite the truth. She was still sore from the fight with Sara – but funnily enough, the yesterday workout helped.

_It wasn’t the workout and you know it. Emotional state greatly affects the pain tolerance._

_Oh shut up, me._

“I’m better,” she corrected herself and Matt just nodded in acknowledgement.

Silence fell. Vera didn’t like it. They often filled silence with affection, which— not exactly an option now.

He spoke up just when she thought she would break. She couldn’t help a relieved sigh. “Quite a set-up Oliver has here.”

“Yeah,” she hurried, looking around, realizing the tennis balls were still in the wall. She laughed at it shortly, walking to them. “Yeah, he… he was training yesterday, I joined later. He showed me how to shoot a bow.”

“And you liked it,” Matt stated the obvious. Her fingers traced the collapsed ball, turning her gaze to him. He hadn’t taken a step in her direction, but his body followed her voice; her own flame in his world on fire.

“That obvious?”

He chuckled. “Just a little. Is any of those yours?”

Vera burst out laughing. “You didn’t mean that did you? I was lucky enough to hit the clout. Though I did hit the middle too.”

His smile was soft. “I missed your laugh.”

The said laugh died in her throat instantly. She had an idea of what the sentence meant besides what the actual meaning of the words was. And she wanted to respond the same, but she didn’t think she could or should.

_I missed you too._ _I missed you too, for all the lonely days I thought were coming. I’m still not sure they won’t._

“Matt, I-“

For once, God saved her. And the God had the form of Sara Lance with Felicity Smoak and Oliver Queen in her train.

\---

The heroes, either usually wearing a mask or helping from behind a computer, wanted to train. Oliver even brought Matt some clothes. Matt didn’t protest and Vera was trying not to snuggle them all in gratitude for the offer and showing up in the first place.

“I’m taking the lady,” Sara called out, smiling at Vera conspiratorially.

“And I’m just watching,” Felicity hummed, sticking with her dress and heels.

Vera shrugged. Why not?

That was until Sara tossed her billy clubs.

“Not those,” she whined silently, earning a wry look from Matt. She rolled her eyes. Touchy. Boys and their toys.

“Yes, _those,”_ Sara exclaimed, taking her own. “Show me what’s in you, Gaia.”

\---

Sara was playful and a bit of a show-off, but she had every right. She was… well, killing it; she was member of the League of assassins, after all. For Vera’s favour, she took shorter billy clubs than she was used to; not that it made much of a difference. Still – Vera had fun.

“My sister had a thing with Matt in college.”

Vera hissed as the stick hit her forearm hard, her shock from the revelation making her drop her guard.

And… really?!

“You’re serious?” Vera huffed out, now knowing better than to stop blocking Sara’s fastening attacks.

“You lost your focus,” Sara noted, amused.

“…can you blame me?”

“No. But you shouldn’t let your enemy throw you off like that. So don’t blame me when you get hit again.”

_Smartass._ “I won’t,” Vera reassured her.

Even when fighting, Sara made her eyebrow cockily rise enough to be noticed. Vera fought the urge to roll her eyes. Of course Vera didn’t mean she wouldn’t _get hit_ again. She was a realist.

”Blame you, that is…. Though he might.”

Sara glanced shortly in the direction of the other fighting pair to check with/on Matt. Vera used the opportunity to hit her shin, not bothering to hide her smile. Two could play that game.

Surprise flashed through Sara’s face until a rather satisfied smirk appeared.

“Quick study, aren’t you?” 

\---

“Time to switch sparring partners I think,” Sara exclaimed rather loudly, having Vera in a metaphorical corner. Sara eased the pressure against Vera’s own sticks, stepping away. Vera was honestly grateful, because she already knew the muscles on her arms were about to cry tomorrow.

Except… “What?”

“I get Matt and you get Oliver.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Vera laughed nervously, eyeing the man in question. His shirt had a sweaty wedge on his chest and he seemed a bit out of breath, but Vera definitely didn’t have the advantage of her being less tired than him. On the other hand, she couldn’t deny she was relieved Sara hadn’t suggested pairing Vera with Matt. “I can’t fight Oliver.”

“Of course you can. You did great down there,” Roy’s voice sounded behind Vera’s back and she yelped, jumping ten feet above the mattress. When the hell had he appeared?

“You had to put like twenty arrows in people to stop them from killing me.”

“I’m pretty sure it was less than twenty,” Roy corrected, grinning at her. _Why are men such children? Is every member of the Arrow team cheeky?_

“And Oliver won’t be trying to kill you,” Sara pointed out and Matt shot the blonde a stern look.

“…okay. Fine.”

Oliver and Sara stayed on their places, so Vera set the billy clubs down, uttering ‘thanks’ in Sara’s direction, passing Matt as they switched places. She bit her lip and brushed her fingers with his when doing so, because… she didn’t know why. But she was sure he smiled at the gesture.

She didn’t check.

“So, Matt. how much can you take?” Vera heard Sara’s challenging voice and pressed her lips together. This woman was something else.

“You don’t need to hold back,” Matt answered calmly.

Vera licked her lips as she eyed her new opponent. “Oliver?”

“Hm?”

“Please, _do_ hold back,” she whispered and he gave her an amused look.

“I won’t try to kill you…. I do have some self-preservation.”

Vera wasn’t so sure about that, but gradually she found out that Oliver was indeed holding back.

Especially when she ended up on top of him, her elbow carefully resting on his throat. She… won? As in… she beat him? Wow, he really had been holding back, hadn’t he?

Three slow claps of hands echoed in the bunker. Vera glanced at the source; it was Sara, of course.

“Nice work. Boys got their asses kicked.” Vera shot Matt a puzzled look – he seemed sheepish. Had Sara defeated him? “I say they do one thing we order them. As a thank you for us sparing their lives.”

Vera’s eyebrows rose as she climbed up from Oliver; their position was hilarious; with Matt, it would be more like intimate and in their current situation also very awkward, but this had been just funny.

“Uhm…”

“I mean…”

“I think you’re right,” Felicity hummed, playing with her long earrings, looking deeply in thoughts. She glanced at Vera. “Each for the one they beat.”

“What does that even mean? Like a task to complete?”

“Exactly. Matt, you’re doing the salmon ladder,” Sara ordered lightly and Vera tilted her head. What exactly was that?

“Ho-ho, _yes_!” Felicity chanted, curling her hands into tiny victorious fists. It confused Vera even more.

“…what’s a salmon ladder?” Matt asked hesitantly and Vera mentally thanked him for asking the question she didn’t know answer to.

“Oh. This.” Sara pointed at the— _oh_. So that’s how this thing was called.

“And what’s the goal?”

“I’ll show you,” Oliver huffed out a laugh, apparently highly amused at the women. “There are dents for the bar at certain levels. You grab the bar-“

_“Basically do a chin-up,”_ Vera muttered, Matt turning to her curiously. “Don’t mind me.”

“Basically do a chin-up, but with a flourish at the end.”

Matt watched him attentively as Oliver got three levels up.

“This never gets old,” Felicity murmured contentedly, “come sit, Vera. The view is best from here.”

Vera felt blood rushing up her cheeks, but she went to sit by Felicity. Matt felt the distance between the levels as Oliver returned the bar at the lowest one for Matt’s height.

“You’re good?”

The corners of Matt’s lips quirked. “I wouldn’t go that far. I can _try_.”

“Go for it.”

And Matt did. He made four simple chin-ups (well, simple for _him)_ as if he was testing his strength. At the last one, he lifted his body higher, surmounting the bar so it was at his hips. Vera gulped, her fingertips tingling almost uncomfortably.

It wasn’t fair. The muscles on Matt’s arms danced with effort and her mouth went dry all of sudden. The fact his t-shirt was rather wet and stuck to his body without leaving much room for imagination didn’t help. She would be lying through her teeth if she said it didn’t do things to her.

Vera wasn’t the type of person to put out on a first date. Or a second date. Though… which date it had been when they almost fell into bed with Matt…? Never mind. The point was, she wasn’t easy. Touch was a big thing for her, sex was as well, she _loved it_ , but she would never do a one-night stand. If there wasn’t a person she had feelings for to have sex with, she simply wouldn’t have it. Getting intimate with someone for her was a gesture of trust, the next step after feelings. She was all for make-up sex as well, but only after a petty fight, or after coming to a compromise, after clearing the air and settling down.

Despite the arousal that hit her watching Matt now, she wouldn’t jump to bed with him on spot, the fight (and flight) was too fresh and raw. But God, she was only human too. And there was a ridiculously attractive man in front of her with a t-shirt sticking to him so tightly that he could as well be naked, perfectly controlling his ripped body. _Just right there_. She was just a human. She was allowed to be turned on. Right?

Some sort of an understanding flashed through his face as he jumped from the first level to the second; he figured out how to work with it. He _handled_ the first jump; he mastered the rest. Vera forgot how to breathe for several seconds. _Christ_. How was this man even real?

He jumped down when done, the bar in his hands, smirking. Cocky bastard. “This was fun.”

“I think the ladies agree,” Oliver laughed and the cockiness in Matt’s expression resolved. He lowered his gaze; Vera knew he was examining her.

She bit her lip, slightly ashamed. The way her body reacted was inappropriate given their situation… but in the end, it wasn’t like she could help it. His lips curled up in an inconspicuous smile. Vera felt her own doing the same without intending it.

“Alright. Vera, your call. What’s Oliver’s punishment?” Sara demanded.

Vera thought for only a moment. She knew this was supposed to be playful, but she didn’t feel like ordering Oliver around. He had been nothing but kind to her, had taken her in, helped her to get on a road to making peace with Matt, _saved_ _Matt’s life_ in the first place and she could never repay him. She licked her lips, smiling.

“Smile.”

“What?” Sara and Oliver asked simultaneously, their eyebrows shooting up.

“That’s the task. _Smile_ , Oliver. That’s all,” Vera explained and Sara looked at her as if Vera just grew a second head. Felicity grinned and Roy grinned. And Matt… Matt smiled, the momentarily unfair smile, the I-love-you one; tenderness, awe and happiness.

Oliver seemed bewildered, but obeyed, smiling widely and Vera noticed that when his eyes focused on Felicity, a spark appeared in them. It was beautiful and heart-warming.

“You’re no fun,” Sara complained, but Vera could see the corners of her mouth twitching in amusement.

Vera shrugged. “You didn’t specify— damn, I should have asked him to stop sneaking up on Felicity…. Anyway, who’s having the shower first?”

\---

It took them a while to take turns in one shower (and Vera so wasn’t punk enough to share it with Matt) and by the time they were all done, looking like human beings again, Vera was actually starving, remembering she hadn’t had any breakfast – neither had Matt. That would explain a lot.

They decided to have lunch together and it was… surprisingly not awkward. Laurel joined them and she had few stories about ‘college Matt’ Vera hadn’t heard before and Sara had her own. Felicity had enough peculiar experience from the electric store she was currently working at – Vera learnt they were about to get Oliver’s company back, not that Vera had known Oliver lost it, though it explained why he was popping up at the bunker in casual clothes at strange times –, Vera added few stories from the café and the conversation flowed easily.

And Vera realized that these people were her friends. Not in the Terri way, not the Anna-Jíťa-Marky’s way, not Trish’ or Nina’s – but definitely friends. The laughter slowly died in her throat, replaced by gentler smile. She caught Roy’s gaze, detecting the change in his expression as well; he returned the smile. How did she deserve them again?

It was past three p.m. when they finally left the restaurant. Sara was heading out with Laurel; to Vera’s surprise, Sara hugged her goodbye.

_“He cares about you,”_ she whispered to Vera’s ear and Vera hugged her back despite the tension, understanding. _“I don’t know the whole story, I suppose he’s a bit of a dick-“_

_“He can hear you,“_ Vera murmured.

_“I know. But he cares about you. A lot. He was distracted too.”_

Vera gulped. Well. If the ‘ _too’_ wasn’t for Matt then Vera didn’t know who for. When Sara said Matt had been distracted the same way Vera had, she was also saying Vera cared about Matt a lot as well. Which wasn’t exactly new, but it wasn’t granted either, not anymore, and Matt would definitely appreciate hearing it. Sara really was a sneaky one.

“Thanks, Sara. It was really nice to meet you.”

Sara patted her back lightly. “Likewise. If you’re ever fed up with him, my door’s open. You _are_ fun.”

Vera opened her mouth uselessly, unable to react , which seemed to amuse Sara greatly.

“I-“

“Don’t mind my sister, Vera. It was nice to meet you,” Laurel came to the rescue, offering her hand to shake, kissing her cheeks afterwards. “Also, she meant my door, she’s staying with me, at least for now. Bye.”

They left with a wave. Vera was still a little shocked, snapping from it only when they reached the bunker.

They had a petty fight about laundry, Vera insisting to at least pay for the Laundromat or something, Felicity rolling her eyes and sending Vera e-mail with their plane tickets. It shut Vera up quite effectively – she was simply speechless.

Oliver, Roy and Matt seemed highly amused at the exchange. Well, at least someone was having fun.

“There has to be something I can do!” Vera huffed helplessly, searching for support with Oliver. She got none, his hands showing he didn’t want to be part of that.

“Take it as an apology for me hacking away your personal information I had no right to hack and revealing some of it to Laurel and others,” Felicity offered in a conciliatory manner and Vera thought of it for a minute. Those were two diametrically different things, but she could accept that.

“Okay.”

\---

There was a lot of hugging. Some whispering, though Vera didn’t quite understand why Felicity and Oliver bothered lowering their voices when hugging her, because Matt could hear them anyway; Vera couldn’t hear what they told Matt when Oliver gave him very short manly hug and Felicity shook his hand, very quickly wrapping her arms around him too, but he looked slightly paler after, especially after the interaction with the IT girl. Matt only shook hands with Roy, patting his shoulder, but Vera didn’t hesitate to hug him as well. There were also lots of thanks. It was a bit ridiculous. But Vera felt tears stinging her eyes when they were leaving the bunker anyway.

\---

The airport was busy and all the procedures made it less comfortable than when Vera was coming to Starling, but she couldn’t say she really minded. She was nervous about coming back. Back to their (their?) apartment, back to New York, back to work. She had no idea how the return would turn out. They might fix things. They might not and Vera had no idea what she would do in that case.

She swallowed as she seated herself next to Matt – of course she was sitting next to Matt, goddammit Felicity, _how_.

It was only when the plane started moving, ready to take off, when Vera realized something. They had uttered a word from time to time since there were only two of them again, but this was… a very unpleasant situation for Matt. And Vera had a heart, okay.

“Matt?”

He turned to her, looking almost surprised; he recovered fast, but not fast enough. “Yes?”

She licked her lips nervously. “Do you want me to talk? To… you know, because of your…“

A genuinely grateful smile appeared on his lips, his fingertips brushing hers instead of a thank you. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I wanted Matt doing the salmon ladder. Oh my. Also, Sara Lance is the queen. No pun intended.
> 
> This was the last one with the Arrow team, so I wanted to use their potential. It’s a bit longer than expected. Oops. I guess you deserved it anyway, after the short break in posting ;)
> 
> For reference:  
> Ollie doing the salmon ladder: https://fat.gfycat.com/ThisInsistentGelada.gif   
> Sara: https://thumbs.gfycat.com/DentalDismalCaiman-size_restricted.gif   
> …and Felicity after Oliver put her up :D (I would look about the same): https://78.media.tumblr.com/a07f17ba4b0ebc9c203096f8b0b1f941/tumblr_opg6d4fePk1rge6ixo1_250.gif


	12. The start of something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> …aka back home/in Hell’s Kitchen. Matt’s POV.

_I'm an atom in a sea of nothing_   
_Looking for another to combine_   
_Maybe we could be the start of something_   
_Be together at the start of time_

_(Gabrielle Aplin – Start of Time)_

The second she stirred, he was awake.

They had returned in the evening, going to bed relatively early, exhausted from the journey and the training, and if he was being honest, emotionally drained too. Matt had taken a shower before going to bed, for one simple reason he hadn’t shared; he had wanted her to be asleep when he would join her, cowardly waiting in the shower until then.

He had climbed to bed as quietly as he could, slowly curling up against Vera’s back, afraid he would wake her up and she would keep her distance – or worse, that she would retreat even subconsciously. She hadn’t. She had shifted a little closer and Matt had thought he would cry and smile like an idiot at the same time. She might have just wanted to be warmer – he hadn’t cared for the reason and focused on stopping himself from kissing her temple, arguing himself into sleep.

Even when sleeping, it was in the back of his mind that they were together in their bed, that Vera was in his arms again – he panicked when she was leaving them now, the motion making him snap his eyes open and all muscles tense.

“Sorry,” she muttered. “Go back to sleep.”

Matt obediently closed his eyes, but that never stopped him from seeing things. His senses were laser focused on her, every move, every yawn. It was probably creepy as hell, but he needed to know everything and if anything hinted him she was about to leave – not to work, but _leave_ – he had to stop her no matter what.

She was putting on her sweatshirt when her heartbeat picked up. He stopped himself from jerking to his feet; she had told him to go back to sleep, so that would look rather bad. She shifted her weight, wavering, before she slid the bedroom door open. That _could_ wake him up, right? Enhanced senses.

“Matt?” she breathed hesitantly and he hummed sleepily instead of an answer. She cleared her throat awkwardly.

“Can I… uhm. Can I-“ she licked her lips and Matt blinked, sitting up slowly, curious and honestly concerned about her increasing heartbeat. “Duh. Can I have the ring back?”

He almost fell from their bed at the question.

Vera wanted her engagement ring back. His brain froze while the rest of his body got overwhelmed by a tsunami of delight. She wanted-

“I… I really don’t want people asking questions,” she explained and there was no single hint of a lie in her voice. The air got knocked out of him, brutal punch to his solar plexus, shot right through his heart.

Right. Of course. Awkward questions. People would ask about the missing ring; it would make her uncomfortable. It had nothing to do with her moving from ‘probably no’ or ‘maybe’ to ‘yes’. Why did he even hope? It was ridiculously soon for that. Stupid, naïve, _pathetic_.

“Uhm, you don’t have to— it was just a question. A stupid one. Sorry-“ she babbled, apologizing and apparently taken aback by his silent reaction and Matt finally left his pity party.

“No! I mean— _yes_. Of course.” He jumped to his feet, pacing to the hanger where he had left his jacket.

Vera followed him, her pulse jumping when he reached for it, pulling the small box out; but she didn’t say a word. And because he was a jerk, he didn’t hand her the box – instead, he took the ring out, taking a step to her. Her gulp was very loud, her heart hammering against her ribcage.

How far could he take this? He took her left hand – he would swear there was static electricity between them at the touch, which was ridiculous. Yet, it felt like it. His throat went too dry all of sudden.

She let him slid the ring on with his trembling fingers. He hated how unsure his hands were, because if there was something he was sure of, it was that the ring belonged there and he wanted it on her hand. He wanted it more than anything; maybe except for actually marrying her.

“Th-thanks,” she whispered, her voice shaky, her cheeks flushing. His hand twitched as he wanted to reach for the sudden rush of heat, trace it, savour it, beautiful sensation on his fingertips.

“Sure.” He managed a quick tight smile that not even another blind person would believe.

“I’m gonna… uhm, go. T-thank you.”

“Of course,” he rasped, frozen as she passed him, her fingers brushing his thigh. He squeezed his eyes shut.

She was already at the door, shoes and coat on, when she seemed to hesitate again.

“Matt?” Lick of lips. “You had it in Starling too, didn’t you?”

What was the point of lying?

“Yes.”

“You didn’t ask me to put it back on,” she breathed softly, not accusing, not reproaching, but not content either. He clenched his fists. He had no idea what to read in her words, wasn’t sure how he felt about her approaching him again. He didn’t want— he didn’t-

“No, I didn’t.”

His voice was unfairly weak. The whole conversation was unfair. Her hand suddenly appearing on his cheek was unfair.

“I would have said yes if you asked me to,” she offered quietly and his eyes snapped open. No lie either. His heart grew a little bigger, his breathing getting more difficult. “Oh god, Matt, I’m so sorry.”

Her hand slid down from his face and she wrapped her arms around him, squeezing gently, cheek in the crook of his neck. He swallowed against the lump in his throat, tentatively hugging back. He had no idea what was happening; this couldn’t be blamed on sleep cuddling. This was absolutely voluntary. He tightened his grip.

“I want to be with you, Matt.” His heart skipped a beat painfully and despite her hot breath on his skin, his ears perceiving signals, he wasn’t confident he didn’t just imagine all of this. “I’m sorry I made you doubt that. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Matt was positive he was dreaming at that point. And he was also very positive she was crying. His brain refused to come up with a response. He wasn’t sure there was an appropriate one.

_She isn’t lying_.

“It really hurt me, you know? It’s _hard_ to come to terms with-“ She stopped, licking her lips again, retreating just slightly. Matt was feeling legless. He was slowly processing her words and the previous ones. Was she… _apologizing?_ “-anyway, there are always two people who made some kind of a mistake in a relationship. I didn’t want to hurt you back. I’m sorry. I’m a mess right now, I know, we’re a mess, but I’ll try my best to fix-“

_Screw boundaries._

He let her go of her body, framing her face with his hands instead, smacking his mouth against hers. She released a tiny startled noise that should have made him _stop_ , but before he could convince himself to withdraw, she started returning the kiss, wet and messy, too eager and desperate, and it was possibly the best kiss he had ever gotten.

He switched off his useless brain, fingers interweaving in her hair, burying them in the smoothest waterfall, pressing against her body, making her take two steps back and collide with the wall of the hall.

_That_ was the point he definitely should have stopped, but she somewhat whimpered to his mouth, her fists clutching at his non-existent t-shirt as if she wanted to tug him closer when nibbling on his lower lip, opening her mouth for him again and _Jesus_ he didn’t want to stop. Finding out there was no fabric for her to grab on his torso, her hands wandered lower to his sweatpants, pulling, their bodies colliding.  Matt was very well aware of the rush of blood to his groin at the contact. Shit, shit-

“I love you,” he panted, disconnecting their lips, forehead resting against hers.

Shit, she was crying harder than before. With the power of will, he made himself put some distance between their lower parts as well, despite the fact it made him groan internally. _Don’t freak her out. She doesn’t need to know what a single kiss did to you in your current situation._ He probably already looked pathetic, he didn’t need to show her another prove of it. And he didn’t want her to think he just wanted her body. He pushed the image of her whimpers and soft moans away from his mind.

_Not the time, not the time, very much not the time…._ He needed to make a point.

“None of what I did is on you, Vera. It would play in my favour, but that doesn’t mean I can let you think it is.”

Her breathing was unnaturally fast as well, in the best way possible, cocktail of hormones in the air.

“Of course it is, Matt. I shouldn’t have just stormed out like that and run, I should have let you explain. I shouldn’t have kept the vision secret in the first place. And I should have realized you don’t have guilt and hero complex, you have _Messiah_ complex. You are not made to love one person above others-“

He silenced her idiotic words, words which apparently hurt her to say, words she _meant_ for some reason. As if she thought he was some noble hero from ancient stories, as if she didn’t know how much he _wanted_ things for himself and he just kept making mistakes and recently he only had made a fatal one.

“Vera, don’t be an idiot,” he hissed to her mouth, trapping her against the wall once again, forgetting he didn’t want to spook her.

“That might be a probl-“

He swallowed the rest of her sentence and she didn’t seem to mind, digging her fingers into the fabric of his sweatpants and the flesh on his thighs, carefully rocking her hips forward. She made it very hard to think. And she could feel exactly how hard it was for him when she did that. God, he wanted-

The huge amount of reasons why he _shouldn’t_ hit him at once _. Don’t spook her_ (she didn’t seem spooked), _don’t rush it_ (she obviously wouldn’t mind), _don’t let your stupid dick ruin this_ (ruin it more), _don’t let her be late just because you can’t keep it together_. Yeah, the last one seemed particularly valid. His arms ached as he forced his hands to fall to his sides, meeting her lips gentler, one more time, another one, again, just once more— and he took a step back, nails digging into his palms enough to cut through his skin.

“You need to go to work,” he choked out at the completely confused and startled signals radiating from her. Ha, she was startled and spooked because he had _stopped!_

“Right. That’s… that’s a good idea. Thanks— thanks for the… the ring.”

The ring. This had started because she had asked her ring back. It was so easy to get lost in her body when he was kissing her, so easy to forget— but Christ, she had taken her _engagement ring_ back.

“Yeah.”

Vera wanted to walk past him again, but then she obviously changed her mind. She fucking squatted, placing a burning light kiss under his belly button, then on— on him over the fabric of his sweatpants and with whispered “ _this isn’t over”_ walked away, door closing with a click.

Matt stood there frozen for several moments, taking in what just happened, his mind filled with images that were highly inappropriate, aching, until he gave up trying to wrap his mind around it and talked himself out of using his hand instead. It felt like cheating.

\---

He buried himself in work. He had several cases pending, some of the clients had found a different lawyer since Matt was unavailable for a while; he didn’t blame them, but it stung. Of course, he was well-aware he hadn’t had a choice at the time – either him, Vera and New York City would have stopped existing or he could have done something to prevent it. The time after the safe, he had other things to rescue – like his relationship with the woman he couldn’t imagine his world without. He believed he could find other clients, even if in a while. Finding another Vera, _replacing_ Vera seemed impossible and he sure as hell didn’t want to even try.

Matt rubbed his temples tiredly and went to make another coffee, more than half-tempted to go and buy one at MDDC. He wasn’t sure they were there yet.  He made a cup at home and forced himself to focus on the case that was still his to take care of.

Mrs. Hinde. _Focus_.

He was rereading his notes when the furious heartbeat and heavy breathing stumbled into the building. His fingers froze on the paper, his muscles tensing. Something was wrong. Examining her as she jogged up the stairs, he came to conclusion she wasn’t hurt – the increased heart rate and breath rate were the only physical features that were off, she didn’t even smell like crying.

Matt took a deep breath, staying put, sitting tight. She would tell him. And if she wouldn’t, well...

She barely made it through the door, already blurting out a greeting. “Hi.”

Matt licked his lips, scanning her once more. “Hey.”

“You’ve got a minute or you’re in the middle of something?” she asked as she closed the door, sounding completely breathless.

He _was_ in the middle of something, but he sure didn’t mind putting it away for a bit. And she seemed very desperate for him to have a minute.

“I’ve got a minute.”

He could _hear_ her frown and take a deep breath. She took few steps in before stopping, catching her breath and taking off her shoes. Well. At least he could be sure she wasn’t about to run off. _Almost_ sure. That was a good sign, right? He gulped and stood up, not feeling good in that inferior position to her.

“Don’t just take my bullshit,” she said and Matt… stared. Come again?

“I’m sorry?”

She breathed in shakily, taking one step closer.

“Don’t take my bullshit. You screwed up, you took most of the guilt and I won’t let you take all of it, I acted harshly-“ Matt opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. “-let me finish, please – and now you’re tiptoeing around me, doing everything you can. I really appreciate it, but _don’t_ _take my bullshit_. Please. If I act like a bitch, don’t let me get away with it.”

Matt was not quite following. What was she talking about again?

“I don’t-“

“Please, Matt? Do what you want to do. I’m glad you kissed me this morning. You don’t have to wait for me to start things, to say things, don’t wait for— for some permission to talk or whatever. You’re your own person, _please_ , don’t act like you think I want you to just because you think I’ll leave or something if you won’t.”

Vera spoke with great urgency; she really _was_ desperate. Matt had no idea what had happened, what had made her think of something like this, but she was obviously freaked her out of her mind. He slowly walked to her and she swallowed loudly at the action. He could tell she was watching him, heartbeat like a drum, almost scared, breathing heavily, sweating – she had run here after all. _She had run home._

What the hell was happening in her head? Of course he was tiptoeing, trying his best not to piss her off, not to scare her, not to do anything that would make her leave; Jesus, he didn’t want her to leave. And of course, she was reading him precisely. He _would_ take her bullshit right now, because he needed her to stay. Because he loved her. But she wasn’t acting like a bitch, she never would, that was why he felt the way he did. What she was doing wasn’t _bullshit._

In fact, she wanted them to be together, to keep them going, trying her best. Trying even harder at the moment. Now, she was trying to let him breathe, to liberate him, because she saw right through him. And he knew better than ignoring the blessing.

The situation they were in right now… it was complicated. But there were things that were easy too. When it came to physical, they always seemed to harmonize.

Matt crossed the distance between them completely, pleased she didn’t even flinch, didn’t retreat when he reached for her cheek. His lips involuntarily formed a smile.

“Okay. So if I want to do this, I just do it?”

Her eyelashes created a small tornado, blinking furiously, lips parting. Her heartbeat made a funny jump.

“Uhm… I was— I meant-“ she stuttered as his other hand carefully straightened her hair, ruffled by the wind and her running, assuming he could. “I was more thinking like-”

“Like if I want to kiss you again, it’s alright?” he mumbled an inch from her lips, the burning beacon that was calling out for him, always, almost feeling the breath of life on his lips.

She shivered. “I thought like— be angry with me when I leave in the morning, letting you-- leaving with ‘ _this isn’t over’_ for example. Especially since I knew I wouldn’t finish it.”

And _there_ it was, that was the trigger. Huh. Who would think her leaving him sexually frustrated would cause this.

“I thought like you can tell me to shut up and cut the shit, because telling you to act like you want is kind of a paradox, because it sounds like an order while-“

“Shut up.” Her mouth moved simultaneously with his lips as they were touching. It was incredible. It was a sensation he hadn’t thought he would feel again. She obediently didn’t let out another sound. “Stop saying stupid things.” She didn’t seem angry at that note, but confused for sure. Time for the punch line. “And let me kiss you.”

“Well, I mean, if you want-“

He shut her up with a bruising kiss, not permitting her to talk.

It was crazy. It was everything and barely something at the same time.

It was a start.

\---

The day after that, he was working only from home too, finally making progress with Mrs. Hinde, Vera was in the wind – either having a lunch or shopping, maybe even still at work, Matt wasn’t sure; he lost awareness of time, his mind occupied.

His train of thoughts was cut off by his phone, repeating Terri’s name. Matt’s hand snatched for it so hastily he almost pulled a muscle. His heart started hammering in his chest, fighting its way out; Terri calling him could mean nothing good.

“Yes?” he breathed to the phone, throat impossibly tight.

“You home?” she blurted out, her voice sounding as an echo – he could hear her near his building, approaching in rapid pace.

_Oh God, oh God, please let Vera be alright-_

“Yes.”

“Good.” And she hung up.

Matt sat with the deaf phone near his ear, turned into a statue, millions of catastrophic scenarios popping up in his head frantically. _Hit by a car. Kidnapped. Stabbed._ How the fuck hadn’t he heard-

Oh. Had Terri had another vision?

Terri hit the bell at the apartment building and Matt finally snapped from his trance, jumping to his feet to open the door for her. She ran up the stairwell, appearing at 6A in admirable speed. He greeted her with open door before she could knock.

“What’s wrong?” he demanded, his fists curling up as she was trying to catch her breath, unable to speak just yet. She was sweating through the layers of her clothing, her heart was going crazy, and her chest was rising and falling ragingly.

Matt was soothing himself with the fact she wasn’t crying at least, so it couldn’t be that bad, right? At least not yet.

“Inside,” she hissed and he quickly made space for her, which she immediately used, storming in, losing her shoes hastily.

He observed her silently, biting his cheek. He followed her to the living room; he couldn’t stand it anymore.

“What happened, Terri? What’s going on?”

She spun on her heels, facing him. Her body was not calming down with the short rest – actually, her pulse spiked as he spoke up.

_“What’s going on?”_ she repeated wryly, sounding incredulous, her voice getting louder. _“What’s going on?! What’s wrong?!”_

Matt blinked in surprise. He finally realized she wasn’t scared, which was an enormous relief. Vera was fine, at least physically. This wasn’t about danger, no. Terri was pissed. She was pissed like Matt had never seen before.

And she was a little intimidating.

“I-“

“Yes, Murdock? What’s your excuse? Why don’t you tell me _what the FUCK is wrong with YOU?!”_

Matt gulped. Well. “A lot of things.”

“Right answer!”

She took two steps closer to him, her fist colliding with his chest exactly where one of the remains of the Midland Circle battle was still healing. Matt could have easily dodged. He didn’t, letting her have the satisfaction; it actually felt good. She punched him again, huffing.

“You know, I’ve talked to Foggy before she told me her version. It’s _very interesting_ how different the stories were, you wouldn’t even believe it. They told me the same, but _somehow_ , in Foggy’s version, you were the one who fucked up. In hers, the blame was on both of you, because _of course_ none of that would have happened if she just _told you_ what I’ve seen. At least according to her.”

Matt couldn’t be more shocked, momentarily unable to utter a single word. Vera had been… defending him? Really? Even… even in front of Terri? What the actual-

“But let me tell you something. None, I repeat NONE of what happened was on her-“

“I know,” he interrupted her, choking the words out. Her breath hitched in surprise, but she recovered quickly and dug her index finger into his chest.

_“Good._ Now I tell you what _I_ know. I know she fucking loves you and I’m goddamn sure she will forgive you eventually.” Matt knew this was really not the time, but his heart fluttered in his chest; Terri was convinced Vera would forgive him. “Eventually, she will act like it never happened, maybe having some issues with it, doubting herself and shit like that, but she won’t tell. _Me_ on the other hand _…_ ”

She made a dramatic pause so Matt could be sure she meant every word.

“Me, Murdock? I won’t. I will _never_ forget what you’ve done and swear to God if you _hurt her_ _again,_ I’ll ruin your life in a way you’ll never see coming and despite the fact it will break my own heart, I _will_ pack her bags myself and send her as far from here as possible _._ And make no mistake; in future, you’ll get the invitation to her wedding when she’ll find a man who will love her enough to stay with her instead of getting himself buried under a fucking building. I’ll deliver the invitation myself and I’ll drag you to the ceremony and find a way for you to _see_ her happy smile so you’ll know _exactly_ what you’ve missed, even if I’m not fucking invited to see it myself!”

Matt had squeezed his eyes shut sometime during her monologue, but the picture she was painting in his mind with those sharp words didn’t disappear. In contrary – it was scarily vivid, because when he had fell asleep during his mourning time, this had been one of the things he had seen; him, basically pushing her into someone else’s arms, well-aware of what he had lost. Knowing too well where he had gone wrong – so many times, oh so many –, when he had done the fatal mistake and how _happy_ he had made her in the end since she found someone else. He even remembered the imaginary man shaking his hand and thanking him; it was making him nauseous and he felt an indescribable urge to punch him into his perfect teeth. That had been the only moment something in him had shifted and snapped him from the dull painful apathy he had been drowning in after her leave. Matt had never hated someone imaginative before.

“Are you even listening to me?!”

“Yeah, yeah I’m listening. And I understand,” he rasped, vainly trying to chase away the disgusting picture in his mind. “You’re a good friend, Terri.”

She sighed, her shoulders slumping, her hand falling from his chest. “I’m fabulous. Stop the kicked puppy look, it ain’t working on me.” Her heart skipped a beat at the small lie; the first one she said since she had come in.

“I…. I know how lucky I am for getting another chance, believe me, I know how much I fucked up. I… thank you for saving my life, Terri.”

“Well, I can’t exactly help what I’m seeing,” she murmured, taking a step back. “Plus, she would be really sad if you died, just in case you didn’t realize it before.”

Matt gulped. Yeah, he knew. And he didn’t want Vera to be unhappy. Neither did Terri, apparently, but that was hardly news.

“Matt… I’m glad you’re alive okay? Not just because of her. Just… try not to fuck it up again, alright? Jeez, I’ll have early grey hair from your drama…” she complained, but a lighter tone appeared in her voice, the Terri he knew resurfacing.

“Thank you, Terri. You _are_ a fabulous friend,” he offered timidly and she wheezed, taking a step closer.

 “You make it hard to be mad at you.” She hugged him shortly but gently, this time wary of his possible injuries. “But remember, Matt. I was serious. I kinda like you, but I like her much, much more. One more mistake like this and I’ll do exactly what I said.”

“Noted.”

“Good,” she approved, putting her shoes on, clearly attempting to leave before Vera would come back. “Also, we’re clear about you not saying a word about this little agreement of ours to Vera, right?”

Matt hesitated. “I don’t want to keep secrets and lie to her.”

Terri froze in the middle of zipping her high boots. “You know what, you’re right. I like that attitude,” she praised him, finishing dressing up and opening the door. “Do what you think is— no, do what you think _most people_ would consider right, possibly exclude yourself when thinking.”

Mentally, Matt raised the corners of his lips. On surface, he just nodded.

“Merry Christmas, Matt,” she wished him possibly more on autopilot than anything else and this time Matt didn’t fight the smile creeping to his lips.

“Merry Christmas, Terri.”

\---

Truth to his words, Matt told Vera about Terri’s visit on the New Year’s Eve. He was pretty sure she added some outraged note to the New Year’s wish text to Terri, even though he didn’t ask. He just met her lips one more time, Terri’s promise having its firm placement in the back of his mind.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, title from the song mentioned above: Gabrielle Aplin – Start of Time (Also known as the Stydia kiss to Teen Wolf fandom, I’m sure.) Beautiful song until you set it as your alarm, typical mistake, silly me.
> 
> I guess you can consider this the end of ‘Ready to Suffer, Ready to Hope’, but my messy mind is working on a bonus if you’re willing to wait and read it. It’s the time of the year to write Christmas fics, right? (Excuse my brain, possibly heatstroke/sunstroke.)
> 
> Either way – thanks for reading, kudos and comments. Before you pelt me with stones, they are on their way to recovery okay? She definitely hasn’t forgiven him completely, and it might show again when/if their relationship is tested. Also, the Terri part wasn’t in the original plan, but I couldn’t help myself.
> 
> Thoughts? :)  


	13. Bonus: A way to break through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Foggy go to Nelsons alone this year, Matt can’t lie for shit and is unable to hide his pining. Enter Candace. ‘Friends’ references ensue. Matt takes Candace’s words to heart, rushing home, hoping there is still a home to find. And oh, there is.  
> Angst, fluff and maybe…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go :))
> 
> I’m too lazy to change the rating. Plus, this chapter is the only one that **should be rated** Mature/Explicit. Oops, spoiler alert. Just skip that part if you find it offensive. I’m sure you’ll recognize when it’s coming/ending.
> 
> Also, besides Rachel Platten’s version, the mash-up of Stand By Me/Stand By You is lovely (-:
> 
> So… just for you to know, I forgave myself for breaking the ship :D It took me writing 50k words to get there, but I did it eventually :D Do you forgive me not letting it crush and actually putting it back together?

_Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through_  
_Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you_  
_Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you_

_(Rachel Platten – Stand By You)_

**_Hey. Just came back from work, probably gonna attack what’s left of the candy. Say hello to the Nelson clan from me._ **

Matt sighed, running his hand through his hair. That was good, right? That didn’t sound like she was about to flee, not even now when she had a perfect opportunity.

It had been a quick decision of hers and Matt couldn’t really afford to protest. They had returned from Starling on 20th evening and the very same evening Vera had called her manager to announce she had been ready to go back to work after the whole protective custody or whatever thing. She took the morning shift the next day instead of Terri.  And she had taken an afternoon shift on 24th as well – quitting earlier than normally, but still at seven p.m. – supposedly making up for her absence. Matt had known it was bullshit right away; she hadn’t even tried to hide it. 

 _‘Matt, we’re working through it and I think we’re on a good way,’_ she had said later, gently taking his hand in hers, lowering her head to look at the place of their contact. _“But I don’t think we’re quite ready to pretend— I’m not ready to pretend everything is perfect. I brought drama last year. I think you should go without me.”_

Matt had heard no hint of a lie back then, so he had bit his tongue, hesitantly had hid her in his arms and had buried his unhappy grimace in her hair. He hadn’t wanted to go. Not alone. And he had been terrified of leaving her. They might have been on their best way, yeah, but…

He banged the back his head against the wall of the bathroom, replaying her message. Texting was tricky. Matt always preferred calling; he might not be able to read body language or hear heartbeats over the phone, but there was still a lot he could figure out from people’s voices. The text was only read out loud by a mechanical voice, emotionless, flat.

He took a deep breath, listening to the text once more.

The words were casual. However, they were desperately little to go on. She had said they would see each other on 26th. She had _promised_. And she texted him. It still didn’t ease the painful knot in his stomach.

“Matt, you okay in here?” Candace’s voice startled him from behind the door, making him jump out of his skin.

 _Jesus_ , he couldn’t hear her approaching. He cleared his throat.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay. I’ll be right back with you guys,” he reassured her, hoping his voice sounded less raspy to her than to himself.

He and Foggy had easily explained Vera’s absence – she had to work. It wasn’t exactly a lie and if Matt was a little sad about it or jumpy because of her not being here, that was okay, right? Vera had even sent a box of sweets (Matt absolutely had not stood outside of their apartment with a dopey smile on his face and tears attacking his eyes when he had heard her decorating the candy while humming Christmas songs again and he had not want to kiss her forehead – which he had done later – and her cheeks and her lips and throat and-- which he _hadn’t)._   Nothing that would raise suspicion that Vera and Matt weren’t a perfectly happy couple, excited to get married. 

 _Perfectly happy couple,_ Matt reminded himself. _Excited to get married._ Vera was still – or again – wearing the engagement ring. The uneasiness in the air had been slowly resolving, both of them initiating more and more physical contact, lots of reassuring gestures and lots of words.

Vera _would_ still be there when Matt would come back. She was trying hard, just like he was, she deserved some space, some time for herself, some time to rest.

With a sigh, plastering a smile on his face, he exited the bathroom, only to run into Candace. Christ, he had thought she had left. What was wrong with him?

“Oh god, please, wipe that fake smile off your face, it’s terrifying,” she murmured, making him freeze.

“I’m… sorry?”

“It’s painful to watch, Matt. Be so kind and get out of here.”

Matt stared. Well, if he could be staring, he would stare. He didn’t understand what Candace was saying. “Excuse me?”

“Get out of here,” she repeated, gesturing with her hands wildly. Why did she want him to leave? “Get _to her,_ you dumbass.”

“…what,” he let out, confused and… well, _busted_.

“You think we can’t see it?” Foggy’s sister asked gently, caressing his arm. Matt gulped. “You’re pining. You’re scared shitless that you come back to your apartment and she won’t be there. So _go_.”

“Why would she-“ he kept playing the charade lamely.

“Matt.”

“I’m here without her because she had an afternoon shift-“ he repeated the tale, slowly giving up on it, because okay, he knew he was a pathetic actor, but how the hell could Candace know?

“Matthew. Your poker face has always been terrible. _Go._ Show her you fucking care.”

 _“She knows I care…”_ Matt muttered, facing the floor, tears stinging in his eyes. Christ, he was not about to cry, especially not in front of Foggy’s sister, that would be ridiculous and awkward.

Candace’s arms wrapped around him tentatively as she sighed.

“Wanna tell me what happened? You know, short version? Because seriously, that one time I remember you coming here depressed, that was you smiling like a loon compared to what you’re now. Or maybe I don’t remember that well.”

Was it really that bad?

“…I screwed up,” he whispered after a while, hugging her back, squeezing his eyes shut. He had talked to Foggy about it, the fear that was suffocating him, there was literally no reason for loading the shit on Candace, especially given the fact he couldn’t tell her half of it, yet…

Candace snorted. He tensed. “Sorry. But yeah, I kinda figured that much.”

Fair.

“I… it actually has something to do with the time you mentioned. She… she showed up in Hell’s Kitchen. My ex.” And that was oversimplification. But maybe… maybe if someone else could look at the situation, someone from the outside, who wouldn’t consider the crazy ninja cult aspects… and was a girl on top of that…

“Ouch. What happened?” she asked patiently, rubbing his back.

Matt sighed. “Well, I didn’t cheat if that’s what you’re asking.”

She snorted again. “Matt, you’re not a cheater. You have a cute little picture in a dictionary right next to the words ‘faithful’ and ‘loyal’. You didn’t even switch you best friend in years, which is a wonder, considering it’s my brother we’re talking about,” she joked lightly and Matt let his lips to curl up in a tiny smile.

“It still didn’t go well. Firstly, I didn’t even tell Vera about her and… well. Things went to shit from there, revealing some… other stuff. She…” Matt’s voice felt silent, his throat getting tight. “She left. Hid at friend’s, didn’t return my calls. I had no idea where she was, I thought she— I honestly thought she just got on a plane to _Europe_ - _“_ His voice broke and Candace squeezed him tighter. “She left the ring behind, she-“

“That’s harsh.”

“Well, she thinks she overreacted, but honestly, I don’t blame her. We… we’re both working on fixing things, but we didn’t think it was… we didn’t think we could come here and pretend nothing happened,” he finished, wheezing, forgetting to be embarrassed about crying anymore.

“She took the shift on purpose, huh?” Candace wondered and Matt only managed to nod. “Hey, you two are gonna be fine, you know? You love her and you said you’re both trying. She loves you too. She would be stupid to let someone like you slip through her fingers. You guys are like Ross and Rachel. A little bit too drama, but meant to be. Everyone ships it.”

That drew a chuckle from Matt, Candace’s heart fluttering happily at the sound.

“I knew you watched Friends, you liar. Now, you nerd, how did they finally end up together?”

“He went to the airport to stop her from leaving. She said no. And she got off the plane later.”

“Yep,” she hummed into his shirt. “Now why the hell are you still hugging me, Ross? Go, you idiot!” She patted his back and let go of him.

“Candace, why were you hugging my best friend and your ex-crush in one person, why are you calling him Ross and an idiot, for that matter?” Foggy’s voice sounded from the stairwell, causing the pair a heart attack.

“It’s-“

“Because I’m Phoebe, you dumbass. I was convincing him to go get his Rachel.”

Matt could hear Foggy’s frantically hammering heart to skip a beat. Foggy huffed.

“Well, Ross, what do you have to say to this matter?” he asked, teasing, a smile creeping into his voice.

“I’m leaving, Foggy. Sorry,” Matt chipped, pecking Candace on her forehead. “Thanks, Candy.”

“Oh, thank god. Candace, I love you. If I had to put up with-“

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. I’ll just get my stuff and say bye-“ Matt exclaimed, distracted, his mind already miles away from the house he was in.

Foggy grabbed his forearm when Matt made his way to the room. “Go, you dumbass, don’t pack anything, I’ll do it for you and I’ll say goodbye too, just _go_ for god’s sake and kiss the shit out her or something.”

“And make her wear the ring!“ Candace yelled after him as he stumbled down the stairs.

“She’s already wearing it!” Matt yelled back and he was pretty sure he could hear Candace roll her eyes.

“So what’s the fuss about?! Christ, you’re such a drama queen-“

Matt could Foggy’s sister calling out something else, but he didn’t care, almost forgetting his cane and coat at the door in his rush.

“Bye!”

\---

The tube was the fastest means of transport in New York City; Matt would swear the train had never gone slower. He jumped out of it, forgetting he had a cane to navigate himself through the crowd. His ears were working shit, so he ran into few people, but he didn’t care; his hearing was focusing on her heartbeat rather than his surroundings. He found it easily, where he wished it was – at home. He slowed down slightly, still rushing, but remembering the act of a completely blind person, who couldn’t see at all, not even in a manner of speaking.

The moment he closed the door to his apartment building, he dropped the act again, running up the stairs, laser-focused on her. The couch protested silently as he shifted in her position, rustling of paper as she turned a page of the book she was reading, the charm on her neck twinkling just slightly, her breathing even, calm.

Matt stopped in front of the door, hesitating. Should he come inside? They had a deal, well, _he_ made a deal with himself, he was letting her have her peace, and now he was sure she was still here. Matt bit his lip, his fingers curling around the keys in his pocket. Deep breaths. He was already here, he might as well come in. Show her he cared. That he loved her. That he had missed her a whole lot. No Christmas for him without her. He should have never agreed in the first place.

He unlocked the door, making her breath hitch, her heart speed up in alarm. She tossed the book aside, jumping to her feet, spinning to the door. They both stood there, frozen, unable to react, move back or forward, their heart beats the only significant sound in the room.

She snapped from the trance first. 

“Matt. What— what happened? Are you okay? What are you doing here?” she questioned, sounding worried. She circled the couch and took few steps in his direction. Matt didn’t bother with his shoes, taking one step as well.

“I missed you,” he admitted pathetically, the rest of his sentence swallowed. _And_ _I was afraid you wouldn’t be here_.

She drew in a sharp breath, her head tilting to side. Matt gulped under her searching gaze, feeling small.

“…Matt,” she spoke softly, something indefinable in her voice. She read him as easily as the book she had just put away, didn’t she? “I promised you I wouldn’t leave while you spend Christmas with the Nelsons. I even texted you.”

He closed his eyes, letting his head fall down, his shoulders slumping guiltily. Now it looked like he didn’t trust her, which he did, he just… he breathed in, working up some courage. He was here for a reason.

“And I trusted you,” he promised, coming just a little closer. “But I missed you… I want to spend Christmas Eve with the woman I love.”

“Matt…”

Her heartbeat was like a drum, loud and wild… panicked… or confused, how the hell he should know.

“Please?”

Her fingers brushed his hand, her face burning up. “…I brought drama to the Nelsons’ household even without actually being there, didn’t I?”

His lips would twitch in amusement if he still wouldn’t be waiting for an actual yes. He gulped, turning his hand so she would slide hers in. She did. He squeezed lightly, grateful.

“Would you please come to the midnight mass with me?” he asked timidly, forcing a tiny smile at least.

“I…”

“Or we can just hang out on the couch-“ he offered quickly as she hesitated. “Or just in the living room on two separate seats, reading a book or something-“

“Matt-“ she cut in and Matt felt himself panicking. _Ross and Rachel his ass,_ this wasn’t a movie or a TV series-

“Okay, uhm, bedroom and living room-“

“Matt.”

“I’ll… go to the rooftop?”

“Suit yourself,” she hummed.

Matt opened his mouth uselessly. This had been a terrible idea. He never should have come here, the chances she had chosen the afternoon shift _mainly_ to avoid him were pretty— why did she take his other hand as well?

“If you want to,” she added, a kind smile in her voice. “But… since you’re here… I have better plans. Do you remember how we celebrate Christmas in Czechia?”

Matt’s mind raced. She was up to something. But it wasn’t something bad, was it? “…yes?”

“Uh-huh. How do we celebrate?”

“…uhm. You have tree and dinner and presents, which are not delivered by Santa Claus…”

Vera hummed in agreement, her heart light and fast. She licked her lips. “Do you remember the timetable of our 24th? Not hour by hour, but in general?”

“Your family has the tree decorated in the morning. You cook. You have dinner and— and then you unwrap the presents,” he described dutifully.

Another agreement. “When do we unwrap the presents?”

“In— in the evening. Christmas… Christmas Eve.”

“That’s right. We uhm… we kinda took a pass on the tree this year, I guess. Happens. I had an apple for dinner, few gingerbreads. Did you have dinner?”

Matt was utterly confused. He would swear he sensed _something_ in the air, but surely he was imagining things, _hearing_ things and _smelling_ things, it had been just too long, and he was fantasising-

She pressed a tiny kiss to the corner of his mouth, then moving to his ear. Yeah, okay, that contact sent a jolt of lightning down his spine. _So, so long_. Eternity since he touched her… everything was calling out for him.

 _“Answer me, Matthew. It’s important,”_ she pleaded lowly.

The tone of her voice went straight to his groin, the touch of her lips on his skin not helping. So he probably wasn’t imagining things, no matter how surreal it was.

“Yes,” he admitted, voice strangled. “I did.”

She quickly withdrew, allowing him to breathe in without being intoxicated by her body tempting him.

“Good. Good, uhm-“ she stuttered, suddenly embarrassed. “You said midnight mass, right? That was right after the— the gifts part, we sometimes do that too, and it’s probably time to go, so…” she cleared her throat, taking a step back, letting go of his hands, looking around, most likely to find appropriate clothes.

Matt liked the idea. He wanted to go to the midnight mass with her… apart from other things. So he just nodded, wordlessly standing like a statue as she changed from her sweatpants into something more presentable and he bit his tongue to stop himself from asking her to just leave her clothes off and stay in.

Her hand found his again as she passed him, leading him out of their apartment. Matt tentatively interlaced their fingers and she gave him a reassuring squeeze.

The mass was beautiful, a strangely intimate moment to experience with her, and Father Lantom was happy to see them. Except Matt wondered how was it that he hadn’t caught fire when stepping into the church with so many sinful thoughts. He truly enjoyed the service, but he was incredibly grateful when it ended and they were on their way and then they were finally _home_.

“Do you want tea?” she asked, unfazed on the surface, unsteady on the inside; she sensed the tension she had caused less than two hours ago too well. Matt could feel her body buzzing the whole time, the calling getting louder now when they were alone again.

He hummed in agreement, following her to the kitchen, leaving his glasses on the shelf.

They didn’t exactly have perfect Christmas atmosphere, but the scent of candy _was_ in the air, Matt could hear Christmas carols from _somewhere_ and the woman he loved was with him in their _home_ , possibly on her way to love him again… or still. How could he resist?

She jumped out of her skin when she turned around and almost collided with his chest, her heart stopping.

“You didn’t finish it,” he whispered, immediately hit by her scent, her body returning to where it had been before they had left off at instant. _Wanting_. Matt breathed it in hungrily, hoping. And _wanting_. He bordered her hips by leaning his palms onto the counter.

“I don’t— I’m not sure-“

“Your thought. About Christmas. About the presents. Why?” _I wanted you to finish it. You wanted to finish it too, I could tell._

“Oh, _that_ , you— you mean… yeah, that was…” she babbled. “I thought it was… in-inappropriate, you wanted to go to the mass and just because I couldn’t-- well… I-“

“I really, really want to unwrap my present now. I know it’s in the wrong order and I wasn’t very good this year, but still…” he murmured, her skin burning hot, luring him in her space, calling out for him, the wetness between her legs just begging him to enter. “Do you still want to-”

“You know the answer, Matt,” she breathed, barely audible.

Oh, Matt _did_ know the answer very well as far as her body was concerned. But they didn’t always listen to the drives in them. But if she would now…

He nuzzled his nose in the crook of her neck, her hair tickling him, her pulse like a thunder in his ear. She shivered as his tentative fingers ran up her thigh under the hem of her skirt.

_“Matt.”_

His knees almost buckled at her sigh, her body screaming at him, her voice more than a clear permission. A plea. When the fuck had he gotten so hard? He caressed the spot where her thigh merged with her hip with his thumb, causing her breathing to rage, her lower abdomen to burn.

 _“Christ, Vera,”_ he murmured into her neck, drunk on the pheromones she was radiating. “If you want it half as bad as your body says…”

He bit on her pulse point on her throat teasingly, feeling the wild pulsing waver, making her moan. His cock throbbed at that, his hand gripping the tights she wore, his other hand bruising her hip. He kissed her jaw, meeting her lips right afterwards. She rocked her hips forward, brushing his erection. He whimpered to her mouth at the contact, his fingers sliding under her tights and soaked underwear.

He wanted in, right now, but the waiting was somewhat sweet, because he knew he wasn’t the only one impatient. It was actually making him want to stall, so he retreated his hand a little, careful not to touch her where he had intended and she no doubt wanted him too.

Slight disappointment in her stance; she recognized he was expecting _something_. Matt wasn’t sure himself what exactly, but she figured it out anyway. What she said took his breath away – mostly because he didn’t understand at first.

“You.”

His fingers twitched deliberately. “What?”

Vera gulped, her whole body on fire _._ “I don’t want…‘it’.... I want _you.”_

There was no hint of a lie in her voice or her heartbeat. Okay, _Jesus_. Matt hadn’t seen that coming, his brain slowly processing. She not only didn’t deny she wanted it as much as he thought, but admitted it wasn’t just some… primitive drive in her, a lust for being fucked. No, she craved for _him_ specifically.

_Christ._

He inhaled sharply, shock wave running through him, both of his hands gripping her hips only to lift her and to make her wrap her legs around him. She quickly caught up, locking her ankles, letting him carry her to the couch while she fumbled with his belt as he sloppily took her mouth. The sudden impatience building in him was enough to make his head spin. He raised her skirt high, sitting down the moment she managed to strip his pants and underwear low enough. He tore her tights on their way down, pushing her panties aside, leading his cock to her core. And _Jesus,_ when she actually lowered herself on him, taking him whole to the base, so fucking deep… he thought he might explode.

_‘I want you.’_

She buried her face into his shoulder, her teeth grinding as they had gone too fast, not letting her adjust first. He caressed her hair, drawing comforting circles on her thigh, kissing every inch of her skin he could reach with his lips.

“I got you, _I got you.”_

She shifted just slightly, making him whimper, stimulating him at too many places at once. Her soft voice was whispering into his shirt, her words fast and slurry, like a silk on the fabric and on his soul as well. _“Matt, Matt, Matty, Matt…”_

He couldn’t supress a tremble as the one endearment escaped her lips. Never, not once she had called him that. They had talked about it, pet names, endearments, she couldn’t figure it out and he was alright with that, the ‘Matt’ on her lips sometimes sounded like a prayer, there was no need for more. But now, the ‘ _Matty’_ left her mouth so deliberately and naturally, rolling off her tongue so easily, delicate-

She rolled her hips and started moving, cutting off the train of his coherent thoughts. She kept repeating his name, torturing him and worshipping at the same time, her mouth on his own, on his throat, her hands gripping his arms, shoulders, in his hair, pushing and pulling and he wanted more, more of that, her enjoying herself while pleasuring them both, so close to him, so in deep, whispering his name over and over.

 _“I love you. I love you, Vera, so much, oh god, sweetheart, don’t stop…”_ he mumbled silently, lost in the sensation, meeting her halfway. He could feel both hers and his climax building, her rhythm faltering, her legs shaking.

 _“Matt, Matty-“_ escaped her deliberately, causing his hips bounce up, sending a jolt of pleasure through his body. His fingers slipped to her clit; it was convenient she was getting close too, but he needed to help with that, because if she said his name like this one more time-

She squeezed his other hand, her left ring finger pressing against the back of his hand and that was enough, the metal on it burning a brand into his skin. He let go of everything, the most tremendous feeling tingling in every single one of his nerve endings, and she kept moving, igniting every cell in his body – the best kind of fire he knew. The moment it was becoming too much, she reached her orgasm as well, tightening around him, making him forget how to breathe, because he was overwhelmed, but unable to move, to escape it, just taking it and taking, suddenly unable to tell where was up and down and right and left, his head spinning in bliss.

The first thing he registered through the fog of the aftershock was her lips, writing wordless declarations on the skin above his right collar bone, fingers of her left hand still curled around his own, gently tracing them, warm metal on them. He breathed in shakily, drowned in the scent of sex and her shampoo.

He interweaved his fingers with Vera’s, causing her lips to stop. He reached for her jaw, connecting their mouths in a sweet kiss, a declaration on its own. Her voice, her _‘Matty’_ still resonated in his ears.

“Uhm… hi,” she mumbled to his mouth, making him smile.

“Hi.”

She chuckled breathlessly. “I think I corrupted you.”

Matt raised his eyebrow. He should… _leave_ , but that would mean losing contact with her when searching tissues and stuff and he didn’t want that, he wanted to stay like this, she was so warm. Not to mention this sounded interesting; her telling something he knew was a lie, yet she believed it for some reason.

“Doubt it. You make me better,” he whispered, tucking a lose strand of her hair behind her ear. She released a shaky breath and licked her lips. “You do, Vera. You know that. Why would— _oh._ Because of the mass. We just came back from the-“

Matt couldn’t finish, biting his lips as she banged her forehead against his shoulder, embarrassed. He supressed a chuckle, still refusing to leave her body.

“Well, I regret _nothing._ You can corrupt me like this any time. It was…”

Matt had no words. It had been too long since they… before the whole Hand-is-in New-York mess. Before he had fucked up and almost lost everything. His arm subconsciously wrapped around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer. He had almost lost her… again. They had talked a lot after the ‘this isn’t over’ line, but they had never gotten intimate, never gotten as far as tonight, sticking to caring gestures, frequent silent cuddling, her sleeping in his arms, a wordless gesture of trust he possibly hadn’t deserved; occasional kissing was a bonus. He had been so happy for her giving him another chance in the first place; however he _so_ enjoyed being corrupted like this.

“Yeah, it… it was,” Vera confirmed softly, still slightly embarrassed.

God as if she didn’t know how much he loved when she lost herself like this, when she just let go. They could both be generous lovers, attentive, just like they mainly took sometimes. Matt loved both, just like he found pleasure in something in between. It was all about the partner; and his partner was perfect.

“We should…” she started and Matt nodded quickly, but didn’t move and inch.

“Yeah.”

“But I don’t want to move,” she admitted, sheepish smile in her voice. Matt traced the actual smile with his fingertips.

“Me neither. I like being close to you.” _And even better, inside you._

It was a confession, a truth they both knew, but the truth that needed to be said. She kissed his fingers.

“I like being as close as possible to you too. That’s why I— I really, really wanted to be close to you. I missed that. Missed you.” His lips parted at that, warm feeling spreading in his chest. “Quick clean-up and bed?” she offered and he kissed her on her lips instead of a confirmation. Because he could.

When he lied down to bed with her, him only in his boxer briefs ad her only in her panties and thin t-shirt, and she immediately snuggled to his chest, he thanked God for the precious gift he had been given and kissed the top of her head.

“Thank you for coming tonight, Matt. I know I told you to go and spent Christmas with the Nelsons…” she let her voice trail off, a guilty note in it.

“And I know it wasn’t some kind of test, I know you meant it. Just like I meant it when I said I trusted you and missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she said again, her lips brushing his pectoral, her eyelashes tickling him as she closed her eyes. “We… we’re gonna be okay.”

He listened to her steady heartbeat and calm breathing. She believed what she said. His lips deliberately spread in a smile, his fingertips tracing her lower back under the fabric of her top.

“We will. I love you.”

“And I love you, Matt.”

His heart thundered against his ribcage at that, bursting with pride and relief.  He hadn’t expected a comeback. She had said a lot of things with similar meaning in the past days, leaving him with no doubt she cared about him deeply; but never this. She loved him. She still loved him. He let the feeling sink through his body, breathing it in.

All of sudden, she tensed. Matt automatically did the same.

“What is it?” he asked, alarmed.

“I… I called you… uhm. I called you… ‘Matty’,” she breathed with realization, slightly horrified as if she let out a secret she was supposed to keep.

“You did.”

“And you didn’t… mind?”

“No. I didn’t mind, Vera. It… it worked well, actually,” he confessed, trying to look less embarrassed than he felt. But he shouldn’t be, right? Vera loved when he call her _‘_ love’ too, there was no shame in it.

“…oh. So… you wouldn’t… mind if it happened again?”

“No, I wouldn’t,” he agreed too quickly. “It sounded… good. And natural. I liked it.”

The endearment leaving her lips again just seconds ago. The memory… it fell almost awkward how quickly it worked, blood rushing to his groin. Christ, what was he, a horny teenager? But she was here again, she still wanted him, still loved him and she had called him-

“I had no idea I said it, it’s coming back to me just now. I won’t… I won’t call you that publicly, don’t worry— you wouldn’t want that, right? It’s just that I can’t imagine…”

“This was perfect, love,” he reassured her softly, meeting her lips, feeling more than he should. He definitely wouldn’t mind hearing it again, right now would be perfectly fine too. He wouldn’t mind taking her, this time him being the one in charge. “…just when we’re alone.”

He sucked on her lower lip experimentally, unable to help himself, waiting for her response. He was pushing his luck; just few hours ago, this could only have been his imagination and it had come true, he had tasted the richest wine again after such a long time and he now craved for more. He had gotten drunk on her, drinking a bottle in one go; it messed with his head in the best way possible and he wanted more, he wanted another bottle, wanting to indulge it this time.

The hand she had been resting on his side drew a horizontal line on his lower abdomen. Interested then?

He let his hand wander lower from her back, drawing her to him by her bottom. She sunk her lips into his deeper, rolling over to be mostly on top of him, her body radiating very clear signals just like before and after the mass. _Very interested_ then.

Still, Matt hummed in disapproval at her action, grabbing her hips with newly found confidence, rolling them so he could hover over her. She didn’t protest, her heart hammering, excited when he came down at her, nibbling on her jaw.

“Maybe you’re right…” he mumbled between taking her sweet and salty skin between his teeth, drawing a tiny whimper from her. Oh _Christ_ , he loved the sounds she made, even the barely audible ones – it meant she didn’t mean to let them out, but she just couldn’t help herself, she never could and that was on him, he did that to her. He bit harder with dark satisfaction. “Maybe you _have_ corrupted me.”

Vera gasped at his words, her heart speeding up, confirming his suspicion. He chuckled, the sound less playful and more soaking with gratify. His sweet girl – and he could call her ‘his’ again – liked the idea. She liked the idea of being able to do that, to corrupt him, to drive him insane.

“And you like it, don’t you?” he whispered to her ear, his left hand catching her throat in a teasing grip before sliding two of his fingertips into her mouth. She immediately opened her mouth and took them in, wet lips enclosing them. Matt vainly tried to fight the euphoria at that, to chase away the idea it gave him, having trouble to remember what he was saying. “You like to tease me. Just like you have when talking about unwrapping the presents… leading me astray, breaking my conviction…”

He pulled out his fingers only let them trace her silhouette and push them inside her – she was still slick with his come, the acknowledgement and the sensation just pouring gasoline into the fire that was burning in him. She drew in a sharp breath, her body tensing in anticipation of more. His lips found hers, stealing the sound she let out when he spread his fingers slowly. _Jesus_ , teasing her was fun, but it was next to impossible when he needed to regain some control over himself and make his point.

“…tempting me, wanting me to fuck you instead, because you just can’t help yourself,” he whispered to her mouth and he knew it was hypocritical of him, mean even, but it was just a part of the play and _God_ , the effect his words had on her-

She tried to push herself onto his fingers, his body too heavy over hers to allow her that. Her muscles sang as she fought to move her hips at least a little. He pulled out completely just to be a dick, just to force another needy noise from her; and he succeeded, drinking the desperate sound from her lips, meeting her tongue. He was painfully hard again, begging to be satisfied. He got rid of the useless fabric in their way.

“And I’m too weak to resist the temptation. You know that and you like that too,” he whispered as he led himself into her, forgetting how to speak when she welcomed him, his brain short-circuiting for several seconds or minutes; it was impossible to tell and time didn’t matter anyway. “But that’s alright, because I love it. You’re the most beautiful temptation and if me yielding to you means I’m going to hell…” He thrust hard, sparks erupting behind his eyelids, a low moan escaping both his lips and hers. “…then so be it.”

\---

It was just like on the couch – they should get up and shower, because they were slick with sweat and-- well, sex, but neither of them could make themselves move. Matt nuzzled his nose deeper into her hair to hide his smile at that.

“I can feel the smugness radiating from you, Matt.”

Matt laughed, high on endorphins. _Happy_. Not how he had imagined this night to turn out. “We should get up.”

“Yeah, well, I would have to grow my legs back first. It doesn’t feel like it’s happening any time soon though,” she mumbled, snuggling closer to him. _So this is what heaven feels like…_ “So I guess you do have a little right to be smug. Then again, I can’t see you getting up either.”

He chuckled, enjoying the feeling of her fingertips tracing his torso. This was a weakness he was willing to admit: “I never said I’m able to leave this bed. Or willing.”

Vera moved her head, forcing him to leave the nest of her hair. Her lips found his, so he swallowed the grumpy sound that had almost found its way out of his mouth. _Heaven._ He couldn’t believe he had almost missed this because of staying at Nelsons’. He owned Candace big time.

The soft and sweet lips left his mouth, so he instinctively chased after them, making Vera smile.

“Hey, Matt?”

His eyebrow shot up in silent question. Her voice was soft, but at the same time playful. They hadn’t been doing much of playful lately; their connection had thinned, the bridges between them were too feeble to test their stability with _playful_. He had taken a huge risk, teasing her like he had earlier (the Nelson’s eggnog might have encouraged him).

“Hm?”

She pecked his cheek. “…I do have an actual gift for you to unwrap, just in case you’re wondering.”

Matt smiled widely, returning the affection. “So do I. … But… later? While I have endless believe in your choices of gifts, I’m still enjoying the one I already unwrapped.”

He tightened his grip around her to prove his point. She must have approved of that, because she melted into his side, kissing his collarbone.

“Yeah, later sounds great. Merry Christmas until then.”

“Merry Christmas, Vera.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **…and because I’m me, have a little bonus to the Christmas bonus** (it has 666 words...well):
> 
> Few days after that, Vera introduces Matt to strudel, because it’s another thing her family does for Christmas. (…and she doesn’t feel like trying to bake vánočka, which might be more traditional than strudel, but she’s not risking messing it up since she has never tried it before.)
> 
> They learn about a blizzard coming at New York City, supposedly arriving in the evening; which means Matt can’t go out. They are still working through few things and Vera is afraid of awkward silence and tension. So the logical step is to buy ingredients for baking strudel so Matt can meet another tradition – maybe not Czech, but definitely her family’s. She prepares the pastry when he’s meeting with a client so it could become mellow.
> 
> When the storm arrives and Matt has to come to terms with the fact that he really cannot go out, she asks (unnecessarily, she hopes) if he’s really okay with her baking in their apartment and when he agrees, she asks him for a little help. So she’s rolling the pastry out and grinding walnuts, he’s peeling and grating apples, while old Czech carols and songs play in the background, making them hum involuntarily. 
> 
> Soon, the aroma of baked apples, walnuts and cinnamon fills the apartment and neither of them is bothering to hide their goofy smile at the domesticity. Vera takes one apple and explains Matt that if he cuts it in half in a right way, he can see/feel the future; luckily for him, the seeds create a ‘star’, so she gladly announces him that he’s going to be happy for the upcoming year. He doesn’t say he doesn’t want to risk her learning some kind of a bad sign if cutting another apple and simply shares his own, so they could both have a good year. Vera is not touched at that, she is not.
> 
> The strudel finishes in still hot stove without power, because it goes out. For the first time, Vera sort of sees the apartment without the light of the billboard and it’s quite a shock. But in a way, it’s really, really nice.
> 
> They nestle on the couch, the sweet scent of their collective work in the air, bringing back Vera’s memories of Christmas in Czechia. Matt makes her talk about it and she does, remembering they always made ships of walnut shells and tiny candles, letting them sail in a bowl of water, each family member having one, learning whether they would stay with the family or leave. She tells him about having a vacant seat at the table on Christmas Eve, fully set for a potential guest, a friend, a family member or even a complete stranger. But also about creating a trail for their skibob with her brother, always pouring water on it so it would freeze and the skibob would go faster; her brother actually broke a leg this way once… and the next year, they did it again. 
> 
> She’s talking about other traditions too, those they’ve never followed, throwing a shoe over their shoulder to find out whether the tip would be turned to the door, which would mean they’d find a romantic partner and marry them the following year, about giving pieces of meals under fruit trees for rich harvest or to farm animals. She remembers a tale about being able to see the future in a frozen spring. She hasn’t thought of those things in years.
> 
> If Matt’s catholic soul is offended by the pagan myths, he doesn’t say. In fact, Vera can tell he’s smiling into her hair during her rambling even without looking at his face. 
> 
> For Vera, the drop of temperature due to the powerless heating is undetectable so far; Matt can sense it on his skin, but in his core, he’s warmer than in days. As the time stands still, he thinks about the wonderful moment he’s never thought he could have or knew he wanted and he wishes to have it every year.
> 
>  
> 
> \---  
>  _(Vánočka is a type of sweet bread with raisins and with slices of almonds on its top. It’s braided and apparently looks a little like Jewish challah. It’s also something that cannot be missing at Christmas table in Czechia – and perhaps Slovakia?)_
> 
> _(Also, all of the customs mentioned above are true, but I don’t know anyone who would still do the shoe thing or the trees/animals. There is a poem by Czech author K.J.Erben called Štědrý den/Christmas ‘Eve’ in which some of the customs are described, but mainly it is a story about two sisters who go to the woods on Christmas Eve to find a frozen spring to see their future; it comes true – one of them dies. Which is kinda gloomy, but I love the whole book, it’s full of stories/poems with offence, punishment and penance, with horror and magical elements based on some local legends.)_
> 
>  _(And me and my siblings were totally doing the water on snow thing on our yard so the skibob (?) would go faster. Ah, I miss being a child. Physically and responsibility speaking.)_
> 
> I’ll shut up now.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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